to think that, no, it is not possible to pay private school fees simply by "going without"?

[nameymcnamechange]

Of all the many thousands of things that annoy me about Mumsnet, it is this myth that more people could send their children to private school if they prioritised school fees over "extravagant lifestyles" and made sacrifices including but not limited to

• running one car or no car
• not going on holiday, or camping
• economising with food
• buying second hand clothes and not being interested in designer handbags

No, those small economies are not going to make the difference between a state or private education for the vast vast vast majority of families.

So can we please stop posting this kind of nonsense?

it goes around and around and around.

what goes around and around have i missed something ?

YANBU. But there are obviously ways of saving money that just might make up the last 2/3k a fairly comfortable family would need to finance it.

I don't see why people are so desperate to be honest; it's so vulgar. A woman I know downsized her house (twice), started shopping at ASDA and didn't go on holiday for three years so she could afford school fees for her DS. This is despite the fact that Christ's Hospital offered to take her DS for £500 a year. Apparently she didn't want to "accept charity" and would've rather spent £20k at the rival school than dent her pride.

Riven I've often asked myself that question.

If our finances collapsed and we could no longer comfortably afford school fees, how much sacrifice would I make?

Would I do without travel?
Or nice cars?
Would I double my work load?

I love my children's schools dearly, but but but...I cannot say.

what riven said

'Sometimes I think its pay for education so kids grow up and get a good job to pay for their kids ediucation etc etc
with no living.'

I looked at the fees for the nearest prep to us, and it costs around £2,500 a term to be a day pupil. As we don't live near enough for them to be day pupils (it would mean over 3hrs a day travelling) they would have to board weekly which costs £4,500 a term. So to put my 3 DC through prep would cost over £40,00 a year.

It isn't going to happen.

I've decided once and for all. I am going to stop spending a thousand pounds on a designer hand bag every month and send my kids to private school. I don't know why i hadn't thought of that.

I went there. Was terrible. Clever kids though. Now has behaviour issues I hear.

What is wrong with these kids who can't hack state?;)

But what constitutes 'living'?

Many many familes don't get the option of travel and smart cars, or having a SAHP. Are they not living?

Why is it any different for someone who chooses not to have those things to pay for school?

Some people haven't got the option, the money simply isn't there.

I could have a flashy car (got a Skoda)
We could go on more than one holiday per year
We could live in a bigger house.
I could have designer clothes (mostly TU)
I could be a SAHM (but I work p/t)

I dont have these things 'cos the money I would spend on them goes on my DS's fees but that is OUR choice.

I love sending DS private, in my opinion it's worth every bloody penny, for so many reasons.

But I also accept that I am lucky enough to be in a position to make the choice.

Yeah I'm going to give up my 10k, three times a year a year holiday budget to afford those pesky fees.

Even if I was a squillionaire I wouldn't send my kids to private school. My husband's parents scrimped to send him to boarding school where he was bullied for being poor and hated every second of it. I went to a state grammar and loved it (and did much better academically than my husband FWIW).

So anyone talking about 'making sacrifices' etc gets short shrift from me.

I would much rather have holidays and a car, if only i could ditch the thousand pound hand bag habit.

We have a holiday once a year, on a campsite. This year's cost £250.

The fees for the cheapest private secondary school we could send the girls to are £4,500 per term. So that would be £27,000 per year for both children.

So no, giving up holidays wouldn't get us very close to affording private education.

I agree with Riven.

If we moved to a tiny flat, I worked full time, and we had no holidays, car etc we could maybe afford private school fees, although our life would be a real financial struggle. I realise lots of people live like this anyway, but I am sure not out of choice. What's it all for? So our DC's could go to good universities, get a job in the City and send their DC's to private school? Life is for living now, and there are so many things that are more important than school.

Of course school fees are going to be out of the question for some people, despite making sacrifices.

Unless everyone, regardless of what they do, earned the same amount of mony then there are always going to be things some people can afford and some people can't afford.

Schools fees also vary massively throughout the country.

The number of children you have also plays a massive factor.

And not everyone eants to send their child to an independent school either.

All valid.

BUT people are entitled to their opinions.

Frankie - I agree - I don't think those would be sacrifices I'd be prepared to make either.

But perhaps someone else might feel differently.

We all make sacrifices of many descriptions. Who can say which ones are right or wrong?
Each paren cn only make a decision for their own family.

I also think that the happiness of a child can be dependent on who they are mixing with. My parents sent me to private school for a few years, and I think that if you are in that situation and never go on holiday, your parents do not have a car, have only second hand clothes etc, life would be quite hard for
you as a child. At the school where I went to there were girls crying because they got the wrong colour car for their 17th birthday. Of course not everyone was like this, but everyone I knew at that school went on holiday, had music lessons etc and had a decent standard of living.

Back to my 'awe' post. Awe is probably the wrong word but I do wonder about the lifestyle where people can easily afford 5 sets of senior school fees.

Quite often it is rich grandparents paying the fees.

Where I live fees for a private prep are between 6 and 7 thousand...so yes..YABU because we manage those fees by going without.

Not only do I not have a car...my DH does not either...we go camping (borrow DM's car) I cut everyones hair including my own... but second hand clothing and buy them in sales...I do not buy new things for the house ever...all given or bought at auction for pennies.

I dont think I'm in any way better than others for my choices...after all...we're the family with weird hair, no car who walk to school every day...surrounded by Yummy Mummies dripping in designer gear...nothing to envy.
We easily save 6 grand a year with our careful budgting...and as a result DD is ata fantastic school.