to think that, no, it is not possible to pay private school fees simply by "going without"?

[nameymcnamechange]

Of all the many thousands of things that annoy me about Mumsnet, it is this myth that more people could send their children to private school if they prioritised school fees over "extravagant lifestyles" and made sacrifices including but not limited to

• running one car or no car
• not going on holiday, or camping
• economising with food
• buying second hand clothes and not being interested in designer handbags

No, those small economies are not going to make the difference between a state or private education for the vast vast vast majority of families.

So can we please stop posting this kind of nonsense?

Maybe forever they just don't want to use a private education, many people don't.

On what planet is £53k the average household income?!

Lots of people don't earn anything close to that.

Forever that is our situation almost exactly

not all children are getting it

we waited

we saved up for a long time to get a good start and now we're saving still from everyday expenses and monthly bills

this university news has come at a chronic time -- I think we'll be so broke by then the kids will qualify for the maximum loan

If your kids are so thick you have to send them to a private school to give them a leg up in life then so be it

If we gave up the luxury of food and shelter we could probably manage to get our kids in somewhere posh but fortunately we don't need to, since they're both as bright as buttons and will enjoy mixing with other normal children of their age in the real world.

If private school turns your child into Nick Clegg then if I had the money, I'd rather spend it on good holidays, fine wine and the odd facial.

my kids are too bright to send them to school with thick kids

DD1&2 both have full bursaries at private school. I'm a single parent and wouldn't have a hope of paying for it otherwise (it costs more for both of them than my income for the year). The school has always been very welcoming and has found other funds to pay for extras like school uniform and trips. It's a fantastic opportunity for them and they've gained so much confidence in the past few years.

I found that a lot of schools don't openly advertise bursaries. But I put my children down for the exam regardless and they did so well that the school said they were keen to take them.

It's put me in an odd position though as I've met a partner since they started but I can't have him move in/marry as then we'd have the household income reassessed as a couple. It would be unaffordable then, plus DP is understandably a bit wary of taking on such a responsibility and I'm not sure it's fair to expect him to pay out of his own income for my kids' education.

msyikes - what an ignorant mass generalisation, I assume you have met all children in all independent schools and know they are all thick to confirm such tripe?

A1980- that figure was quoted further up the thread. Anyway split between two full time employed parents thats 27k each which is surely not too much to expect to be earning by the time dcs are teenagers?

Vespasian- some people do have ideological objections to pe, but they tend to live in areas where there are excellent state schools. As ive said before on another state vs private thread i moved out of an area where the school had a case of one pupil murdering another in the school corridor. No one ever replyed that, whatever their ideology, they'd send their dcs to that school. If thats your choice you'd go withoutthe basics.

Sunshine, yes i think its unfair that they include a new partners income. At least they dont do this for uni.

forever- I've noticed that most people I meet who think that everyone should send their children to state school tends to have a high-performing state school on their doorstep. One SIL sent her to such a school and has spent my children childhood looking askance at us. Another SIL from Kent was dead sold on state education until the time when her child was about to transfer to senior school and could not pass the 11+. He then transferred pretty sharpish to the independent sector. The only person I know (and who I have the biggest amount of respect for) who has deliberately chosen to send her child to a not very high performing school is my best friend from university, who herself went from one of the worst establishments in the country, where only 4 of them were taking A levels (everyone else doing O and CSE resits in the 6th form) to Cambridge, with 4 As under her belt. She knows from first hand experience that it's possible to do well. Her daughter is, like my friend, a calm and sensible independent learner and will doubtless do well. IME of teaching there are only about 4 or 5 of those in every 100.

My friend's son is not in the same vein as his sister and they worrying themselves sick about to do about him when he reaches sec school age next year. My friend has given up her job and her career as a lawyer to support her childrens' school through primary and has been a school governor at all three including one primary in special measures. That's a huge sacrifice to make imo to stand by your principles.