to think leaving your 4yr old to play in the park while you read a book is wrong?

[ttalloo]

I was going up and down the slide at the park today with my two DSs, when a little girl started asking me if she could come down the slide with me (I was sliding down with both boys). She seemed all by herself, and was very polite and sweet, so I said yes, and we played on the slide together for about half an hour.

After that, the boys got tired of the slide and wanted to race around, so she joined us. I asked where her mother was, and she pointed to a woman sitting about 50 feet away from us in the sun with her nose buried in a book. The boys started jumping off tree stumps, so the little girl joined in, and all the while I was feeling increasingly uncomfortable at having the responsibility for someone else's child thrust upon me in this way.

Don't get me wrong - I didn't mind the little girl joining in with us. She was a nice little thing, who obviously wanted company, and DS1 seemed to like having her around, but I just don't think it was right for her mother to bring her to the park, and leave her to her own devices, talking to strangers, while she spent at least an hour, during which I was babysitting her daughter, reading a book.

AIBU to think the mother was lazy and irresponsible, and to feel sorry for her little girl, who clearly needed some attention?

But isn't it odd that parents take their children to parks now and then play with their children?

When I was young we were escorted to the playground and left there. Once my eldest brother and sister were old enough they took me.

Playgrounds used to be where children learntto let off steam and socialise. Now they are just somewhere where parents access the swing and slide for their own children.

I watch children who may fall - two andthree or a nervous four. But I go to the park so my children can meet other children. I would call my DD away from a parent if I thought that parent was 'watching' my DD. But I would hope that there are children there not being escorted around the park so that DD can find a playmate rather than feeling a burden to parents who seem to want to play too.

I sometimes think it is a silent 'who is the most attentive' comeption. I am not saying that aboutthe Op or anyone else on here but watching parents playing with thier kids , noisily and endlessly, does seem a bit too much about them sometimes.

Kids need to learn how to make friends. They even need to learn that they will fall off stuff if they don't hang on

I agree pagwatch

yy " sometimes think it is a silent 'who is the most attentive' comeption" Completely agree.

Spot on Pagwatch.
Sometimes I want to ROFL at some parents as they act like a mad childrens TV presenter when they are taling to their children in public.

Lol at 'mad TV presenter'. Yep, seen those

Can somebody remind me what MN definition of loud parenting is please?

I suspect I am often guilty of doing it, if it means engaging with 18mo DS in a way that he registers and/or is entertained by. Children's TV presenters seem pretty similar to what I get up to.

Ho hum.

I agree with pag - I take my kids to the park so they can run around by themselves without me hovering. I have to follow my 20 month old about as he's not yet safe on all the equipment but even then I keep my distance (and am often carrying a newspaper...). I've had nearly 7 years of going to the park on an almost daily basis - pushing swings does get a little dull after the first few years... Saying that, I wouldn't expect another parent to step in while I sat and watched.

Though I'm still pretty that you would call another woman to whom you've never even spoken "lazy and irresponsible".

Ttalloo, you are obviously far too square. Clearly you should have been sitting with the cool parents who realise that it is not the done thing to play with your children in public. No wonder this woman didn't want to be seen anywhere near such a blatant display of uncoolness. Next time, maybe you could find a park with a bike shed to hide behind, and don't forget to bring cigarettes for the cool parents.

Bet you had the most fun though.

I've had plenty of fun with my kids thanks..just not at the park ..they seemed to have more fun playing with the other kids without my fat arse getting wedged in the slide

I don't tend to look up from my book unless my DS comes over or screams. So it's possible that the other mother didn't notice. Or thought that the OP was happy given that she was already joining in :o

Its not about cool merrymouse

I play with DD and Ds sometimes. I have to push DS2 on the swing and he is 13 - so about as uncool as you can get.

But my intent is that she gets to play with friends, not just be entertained by me

If I just want her to play with me then I can stay at home and achieve that

Nobody has asked the CRUCIAL question here.

What was the book?

YABVVVU my goodness lighten up. Children don't need constant interaction 24/4, they should learn to play on their own too. As for going on a slide with dcs who are old enough to go down on their own at 3/4 . If I did that i would get stuck on the slide and look like a total nonce. Lighten up! Sometimes, I do take a magazine to read at the park whilst my dd 3.7 plays, or i would be bored sensless. She is pretty independent and preferes the company of other children at the park to me.

Noway do I expect other parents to mind my child, dd is an only child and loves playing with outher children, the few opportunities are at the park and at pre school, or if i invite my friends children round. Whilst reading I am aware of what my dd is up to, we have lots of small play parks around here so its easy to see where they are. Its good for childrens social skills to interact with other children, i want my dd to interact with other children at the park or at pre school as she has social communication difficulties, the more exposure the better imo.

I meant that the parks around here are small so it is easy to keep an eye on dcs, not that i let dd wantenly wander around various parks on her own, she is only 3.7 years

YANBU

Not in the least

I think it is perfectly acceptable to take a 4 year old to the park and read a book while the 4 year old finds other children to run off and play with. Most 4 year olds will be in school, where they will play in a playground with lots of older children and limited adult supervision 5 days a week.

I also think it is fine to take a 6 year old and a 3 year old to a park and play with them for your own enjoyment, as long as this doesn't happen every single time you take them to the park.

I think if the OP wants her children to play with her exclusively, she needs to assert herself and tell other children they cannot play. As long as ther children get some opportunities to play with other children on their own terms, there is nothing wrong with the OP telling a child that her children aren't playing with others today.

Sooo unreasonable.

I had a great time at the playground yesterday got through loads of my book! DD1 was busy the whole time with some other mum and her two boys, I didn't have to do anything! Other mum even went on the slide with her!

I think the other mum took advantage of you a little....but you let her.

My DS likes to go off on his own in the park and make some friends. Sometimes these friends will be playing with their parents, sometimes these DC's have parents hovering but not interacting.

I often go to the park with a friend who has 2 dd's. We'll sit and chat and also play with them, push them on swings etc but I do think children have to learn to play by themselves at times.

Next time take a book and when someone befriends your DS' retreat and read in peace for a bit .

If you didn't want to play with her, you didn't have to. Her own mother was there so you didn't have to take responsibility - she was clearly happy with allowing her child a little freedom, it's not up to you to take the place of the parent you think she should have.

I am never bothered with other people's children - I like them, I am happy to play with them. If you were worried it would have been perfectly OK to go and speak to the girl's mum.

BTW children are the best playmate for children. I'll bet your boys liked having another child to play with.