to think leaving your 4yr old to play in the park while you read a book is wrong?

[ttalloo]

I was going up and down the slide at the park today with my two DSs, when a little girl started asking me if she could come down the slide with me (I was sliding down with both boys). She seemed all by herself, and was very polite and sweet, so I said yes, and we played on the slide together for about half an hour.

After that, the boys got tired of the slide and wanted to race around, so she joined us. I asked where her mother was, and she pointed to a woman sitting about 50 feet away from us in the sun with her nose buried in a book. The boys started jumping off tree stumps, so the little girl joined in, and all the while I was feeling increasingly uncomfortable at having the responsibility for someone else's child thrust upon me in this way.

Don't get me wrong - I didn't mind the little girl joining in with us. She was a nice little thing, who obviously wanted company, and DS1 seemed to like having her around, but I just don't think it was right for her mother to bring her to the park, and leave her to her own devices, talking to strangers, while she spent at least an hour, during which I was babysitting her daughter, reading a book.

AIBU to think the mother was lazy and irresponsible, and to feel sorry for her little girl, who clearly needed some attention?

YABU, imo going to the park is the perfect oppurtunity for my DC's to run off and do their thing, make new friends ect. We don't have a garden so in the nice weather I like nothing better than taking them to the park whilst I read a book/magazine and chill. As long as I can see them and they are ok what is wrong with that?

YABU

You chose to 'take responsibility' for her - her own mother was there, not at the nearest crack den.

You could easily have told her it was time for her to play by herself/go and ask her Mum.

You could have taken her back to her Mum and said that you didn't want her to play with you.

You could have let all 3 children play without you hovering.

There's nothing wrong with playing with your children at the park sometimes, there's nothing wrong with not playing with them either.

YABU to suggest she wouldn't have noticed if her child was being abducted.

YABU saying she left her daughter 'alone' for an hour, she wasn't alone, she was playing with some other children, whose Mother was hovering joining in.

Yes, if she had been mine I would have checked to see if you minded (after a while) and yes I do sometimes play with the kids at the park - but not always. Sometimes I feel like the Pied Piper... who cares...

What I don't like are preachy parents who think their way is the only way.

If it wasn't a chore and you really didn't mind - why exactly did you start this thread.... was it just so everyone could tell you how jolly wonderful you are?

is this a joke thread?
Was it me you saw?
I am DREAMING of the day when I can read a few pages of a book at the park while my dc play (they are 4.5 and 3). I can't wait for the bit of 'me time' while they play in a park, with each other or with other children. I'm not going to worry too much when I do because its a reassonably safe and suitable environment and its way down my list of 'bad mummy' things to do....

Seriously, do you think this is a problem?

Oh dear. Back in the DD, an only child constantly went to other families/children when at the park/on holiday.

We'd smile and wave apologetically. Then carry on reading.

To be fair, we'd always entertain return visits, but for DD. part of the charm was that it wasn't us. :o

tries to work out how on earth you make a child that has got beyond the clingy phase believe that playing with mummy is better than playing with other children

Excellent post Chipping

Did she have a flask of wine with her too? May have been me

Chipping, I did indeed choose to take responsibility for the little girl because I'm a responsible adult who could see that she was lonely and wanted some company. My company, specifically, because it was me that she attached herself to, not my boys.

I could have told her to go away, but I didn't want or need to because she was a pleasant little thing and we all enjoyed playing wither. Which is why I didn't take her back to her mother. Her mother, on the other hand, should have got up from her book to check that her daughter was OK and that I was OK with the situation. The fact that she didn't makes her neglectful of her daughter, and inconsiderate and rude to me.

I was not hovering, as you put it. I was playing with my children, which is what they wanted and I wanted. What's wrong with actually interacting with your children in the park or anywhere else, if that's what they want? When they're ready to say go away, mummy, you're cramping our style, I'll happily sit on a park bench and watch out for them, but if they attach themselves to strangers I will go over after a short while to check that everyone is OK with the situation. Which gives me, astonishingly, something in common with you.

And I am not preachy - I just happen to think that taking your child to the park and not checking up on them when they attach themselves to a stranger is wrong. And no, I didn't start this thread to get affirmation from you lot that I'm wonderful, because I'm confident enough in my own abilities as a mother not to need that. The fact that most of you responded with unjustified personal attacks on my parenting skills, and showed me that you all think that ignoring a four-year-old in the park for an hour is character-building for the child, and a well earned rest for the mother, is something that I find frankly bewildering.

So I'll continue to go down the slide with my boys for as long as they want me to, and play with them (and even other people's children) loudly and proudly, while you all snipe at me from behind your wineglasses and iphones for having the nerve to do what works for my children rather than yours.

You were not actually taking responsibility for her. Her mother was there.

What you did was a totally normal thing.

You chose to play with your children, "get down on their level" so to speak, up and down the slides like a child. All good stuff. The little girl joined you in your game, and you were simply being a "good mate" and included her in the game, like us responsible adults try to teach our children to do. You were leading/playing by example. Good on you!

My boys are 5 and 8. And no way am I now entereing the playground with them. I will be in the cafe just next to it, with a cappuccino, a paper, and a flapjack. I have earnt it!
Gone are the days when my kids needed proper one on one supervision in the playground. I am there to keep an eye out, and will rush to them if I spot bother, or one of them gets hurt. I think it is important that they learn independence. I do plenty of things with my children. But in the playground, I let them play without me.

snipe? You start a bitchy OP to talk about a mother in the park behind her back rather than actually talk to her and then you start accusing other people of sniping?

pot/kettle/black.

YABU. I don't expect a parent to check in every time their child attaches themselves to me and my son in the playground, nor do I. Maybe the mother should have made eye contact, but is it really such a big deal? I'm sure she was fully aware where her daughter was at all times.

As others have said, I'm sure the child preferred to play with other children than her mum.

ttalloo

I wouldn't be snipeing at you from behind a wineglass ( which surely would be a very dangerous thing to take to a playground)

I tend not to judge other mothers in playground unless they are drunk or beating their child or somesuch.

I want my children to have kids to play with at the park and I find it quite funny that some take their kids to the park so that they can play with them. It amuses and befuddles me but I wouldn't snipe about it.

Do what you like, do what works for you.

But the sniping on the thread probably started with "lazy and irresponsible" "wrong" and "rthe child needed some attention"

It is quite funny for you to be all prissy about other people judging you when you are happy to sneer at anyone just letting their kid get on with it as negligent.

But such is AIBU
It should be "I am right,and fucking sanctemonious about it so don't even get me started..."

cat64

"Said child makes friends witha family who are clearly quite happy with her playing with them otherwise theywould have said so"

No. The OP was NOT happy but was to polite to say anything...the OP is correct in saying the Mother was rude...why assume that another MOther is happy to play with your child? That's just odd.

qs

So you allow your 5 year old to go into a playground in the care of his bother who is not yet a teen..whilst you scoff flapjacks behind a paper in the cafe next door? My goodness...beause you "have earned it" and you think 5 is big enough to leave like that?

OP I think you should just ignore the sniping now...there are some people just out to bitch...no interest in a real discussion.

YABU, I leave dd (4) to it in the park. I do get disapproving looks from the helicopter massive who're never more than a foot away from their dcs at all times.

If I were you op I would have left all 3 children to it and had a sit down myself.

I know it will come as a surprise to some on here but children don't actually need their parents hovering around them like vigilantes all the time.

Blimey is this passive aggressive week on MN or something? :o

YABU.

When DD was 5 we were on holiday and she wanted to spend all day in the pool. She could swim. I kept an eye on her.

She would play with other children who were wearing armbands and whose parents were in the pool with them. One mother did ask my DD where her mother was, and she pointed at me - I was lying on a sunbed reading, of all things, The Bad Mother's Handbook.

cat64

qs was saying she sits in a cafe whilst her DC's play in the playground cat64...not long ago...

YABU

My DD (2) is too small to leave unattended but at 4 I would expect that i could pick up a paper while she ran around.

Re Dads on park benches, on Sunday I saw 2 dads actually asleep, never mind reading. Kids were fine.

Anemone - if QS can see her sons then yes they are big enough to be left alone while she has a coffe. Why do mothers think that by hovering over their children, they are being 'good mothers' when what they are actually doing is depriving them of the life skills needed to develop an independent life.

At our playground there is a cafe directly next to the gated swings area precisely so that parents can opt to watch their children play and socialise from a safe distance... safe enough to watch for problems, not so close as to hamper independent play, where that is appropriate for their child.

And lol at 'not interested in a discussion = anyone who disagrees is bitching'

I don't understand Anemone

why shouldn't an eight year old and a five year old play in a playground without their mother?

What is going to happen?

YABU

As someone pointed out earlier, how do you know the mother didn't look up from time to time, saw her child happily playing and left her to it?

I've always left my kids to their own devices at the park - as so many other posters have said, how do they develop social skills otherwise?