To be stressed about this?

[thefirstmrsDeVere]

Ok, following on from 'lots of needy threads' thingy.

Here is your space to tell everyone what is 'stressing' you at the moment. I mean 'stress' because we all know its not the end of the world, there are people far worse off than us blah blah. I have a seperate thread for the thing that causes me real, deep down stress and I have the SN boards for my other really stressful thing.

This is for the stuff like:

Someone in my family messed up the combination on the little padlock I keep on a certain kitchen cupboard (long story, dont judge). I bought a combination lock because someone kept losing the key to the other one. So at stupid oclock this morning I had to unscrew the bloody door to get at the baby breakfast that is also kept in there (note - I dont lock the baby food up, it is just kept in there as well)

Did the shopping in Morrisons today, full of horrible people shouting at each other and buying pies. Got to my car, opened the boot only to find my OH had put the buggy in there and didnt think to tell me. Drove home with boxes of rice crispies etc falling on me every time I turned the corner.

DC2's school bus is late every flippin day and its COLD.

Next promised I could have my new biker boots today and they LIED.

All that lovely hair I had thanks to two quite close together pregnancies has now fallen out. Crowning glory? No.

Anyone want to join me in a big ol whinge fest?

Spanky that sounds awful. Your poor friend, feeling that she was at such a point as to try and end it. And poor you feeling so helpless, and also for feeling like something you might do/say could be the tipping point for her. That must be very hard.

Architien, at finding out you're pg @ 16 weeks. That would stress a saint out!

MrsDeV and everyone else who advised, thank you. Today I saw the lady I know who was recently widowed and had a long chat with her. I gave her a card and included my telephone number, in case she ever wanted a cuppa and a natter. I also included a little bit of money in the card to treat her DDs (or herself). I hope she wasn't offended, I don't think she will be. One thing I have learnt since DH's diagnosis is to take help where it is offered - quite a hard thing to do sometimes. But thank you to all of you to give me the confidence to do that. I hope it cheered her up, even if it was just a little bit. How utterly awful to lose your DH in such circumstances. Can't stop thinking about her and her DDs.

I have had one stress removed and replaced it with another I have finally decided what to do about DD's preschool, which is to leave her where she is. I have been having a huge dilemma over this but have decided she is settled and happy where she is and also that the staff there are bloody wonderful - both with DD and with me. Tis the best place for her.

I had a blood test last week as I am losing all of my hair by the handful - have little or no body hair left and the hair on my head is rapidly thinning. Had a recall today to do a fasting blood test. Which is now of course stressing me about what it can be for. Am knackered, but obviously would be. If I had a full 8 hrs sleep each and every night and had no stress then I would be v worried if I was as knackered as I am now. My skin is bloody awful too. 40 bloody years old and have the complexion of a 14 year old

MrsDeV, just want to send you a hug. No reason other than I reckon you could probably do with one.

Thanks for asking after me lots of you nice people, very kind, funny how warm words on a screen from strangers can make you feel isn't it?

I feel like I am fighting a constant battle to maintain any sense of reality, and think I am losing, but too blancmange-like to care - you know when you feel like you are just sinking into blancmange/ quicksand?

DH moved out, several weeks ago, before he hit me. But basically no one in rl knows he's even moved out. and anyway, he appears to spend most nights on my sofa - without even asking or acknowledging that he doesn;t have a right to be there. He won't stick to any kind of plan or routine or acknowledge the fact that he has broken my heart [and bruised my jaw].

Its like nothing ever happened and I am living in some kind of alternate reality. It feels very wrong to even vocalise it, as if only I remember it happening, did it even really happen? I feel like I am the tree that is falling in the wood, and if nobody is there to hear me, did I ever fall at all, or do I even exist?

Currently it feels like in this horrible war of attrition, his will to live like this is stronger than mine to change it. It stresses me that this is my life i am wasting in this limbo land.

Its my wedding anniversary today

Oh Double

Is there anyone you can talk to in rl?

I reread your posts on this thread, and I wanted to ask what you would like to happen? Is that what you are scared of vocalising? I'm sorry if I have got it completey wrong (and the fact it is completely none of my business - but we shall gloss over that!)

I hope you are ok x

my 22 mth old ds doesn't sleep, he has a cold and has been waking just moaning every hour thru the night this week. We live in a house I don't want to, my dp is irritating the living shit out of me. I cant stop drinking wine, eating cakes and biscuits and am getting fat, I don't see my friends much these days, we are skint, my mum never stops moaning, my children never stop moaning, i never stop moaning, i am sick of my own moaning whinging voice, I neeeeeed sleeeeeep. Rant over... breathe.

Although I do feel others on here have much much more moaning rights !!!

Mbear I guess I am finding it difficult to say anything for three reasons.

Firstly, that dh doesn't acknowledge whats happening, and acts like everything is normal, when its not, which confuses me, as I feel awful yet end up acting like everything is fine. I think its called cognitive dissonance isn't it?

So he [and me] acts like everything is fine when he says he's not sure he loves me, won;t look me in the eye or tell me if he'll be here or not, treats me with contempt and always puts me last.

And its been going on so long that I have only just realised that its got this bad if you see what I mean, I have got used to me always pretending reality isn't what it is... he gets so angry when I get upset or ask for help, or question why he is so rude/ mean to me.

Its not just he way he is towards me, its that I feel like I am doing the role of both of us in the relationship, he earns no money, doesn;t do much around the house, won't help with any of the responsibility of adulthood [and no, he's not that young], like massive money problems, don't know who will look after ds when i go back to work, i am ill and have been since before ds was born, am not coping with anything, and he still won't step up and do anything...

am so confused cos even when I try and try to get him to see how it is, within minutes he's back to acting like everything is normal, and its so insidious that I go along with it and start questionning if anything is real or not - am so used to pretending.

Even writing this am finding it hard to even see whats really happening, thought that explanation didn't look right and realised I am ignoring the fact he's moved out, but seems to have come back without asking and seems to be staying on the sofa. every few days I ask him to leave for my own sanity and then within hours he comes back acting like nothing has happened.

sorry very long, so thats the first reason and a bit of background.

Second reason is that i pretend to everyone else as well, don;t want to lose any more friends over this, as i've lost enough already.

Third reason is that if I acknowledge to myself what my life is really like, I have to split up with him & deal with the consequences, and I am not sure if I can do it.

Even though Ive just said he does very little for me he still does more to support me than anyone else in my life, and physically [cos of illness] not sure if I would cope without him. Its wrong isn't it to be in the position that he's the closest thing i have to support even though he's the one destroying everything.

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved, poor you. You are having the same dilema as my friend with relationship problems. I will tell you what I told her. It sounds like you have been doing it on your own already. My first boyfriend was hit me and even once tried to suffocate me. I split up with him because I got violent to stick up for myself, which in't who I want to be. I didn't think I could cope and had a deep depression after, but I found I could cope and can even be happy. It is not easy to stand up for yourself when you feel so low. You are worth more than he is able to give you. You know him better than anyone else would it be worth trying to talk to him? As a stranger looking in he may hit you again and you need to think of your safety. You may have tried this already but is there a carer out there, you know like a home help? Try to get back in contact with your friends as my abusive boyfriend manipulated my friendships so they dropped me. Do you think your feeling being overwhelmed by your life, feeling of separateness from others could be depression? Thank goodness for happy pills! It would be worth going to the doctors? I didn't realise I was depressed until I couldn't get out of bed! I hope this helps you.

Just popping on to say hi.

I also need to remind everyone (again) that ANY kind of moan, rant or tribulation is ok on this thread.

No one is to apologise for posting

I am really feeling a bit too stressed to post at all. Things are feeling very difficult just now.

But I wanted to say hello and keep an eye on everyone.

Keep posting.

Life can feel very hard sometimes cant it? Chins up

Double that all sounds like a very hard way to live. It also seems very sad. Has it always been like that? You mentioned violence in your previous post, are you safe?

I don't want to bang on about what I think, iyswim, as I'm not sure that is the most helpful, but I agree with Spanky who said that you actually seem to be doing most of the work on your own anyway. There seems to be so much ambiguity and disdain, I know you don't want to deal with the fallout, but equally is the way you want to live for the next 20/30/40 years (sorry, I have no idea how old you are!)?

I'd really like to carry on chatting with you, but I understand that you might not want to, but please carry on posting if you want to and are able to and please keep safe x

I haven't posted here for a while and feel a bit guilty about it after all the support and advice I got given. Things are starting to look up, money is still very tight but I found out today that we're entitled to tax credits which will be a huge help. I spoke to someone helpful at the bank and did a deal with them to stop the charges and get back on track. I have no money at all until the tax credits come through but theres food in the cupboards and I don't owe anyone anything. I've had to cancel ds's first birthday but theres light at the end of the tunnel. I also got chatting to a nice mum at baby group thanks to ds biting her dd . She goes most weeks so I'll look out for her next time and I'm feeling much braver about starting conversations with other mums.

I am feeling stressed after going on the 'what ages women' thread and realising that they are all describing me!

Marjee, god to hear things are starting to move in the right direction for you.

Apologies, for not having read the rest of the thread.

My sons kidney biopsy results came back with tubular injury. And I dont know what this means.

My 5 month old will not sleep. Im fucking shattered.

Ive got violent neighbours one side and constant drug smoke the other. Fuck off. Ive got no chance of getting out of this flat.

Im feeling isolated after having had baby.

Ive got family envy. Really wish we had some parents or family support.

But I do appreciate all I have.

Nothing sweeter than longer hair on little boys twoistwiceasfun! Makes them look like cherubs, rather than little soldiers

I'm stressed because at 40+4 yesterday I was told that the baby has turned back-to-back, after being in a perfect position for a good last week. My last birth was back-to-back and horrific, and I had really convinced myself this one would be different. I am so grateful to be pregnant, but am quite traumatised by last time's birth and am losing the plot a little bit now. I've spent all of the second half of this pregnancy keeping good posture and doing the exercises, and it just seems unfair for this to happen now. And I feel really guilty because I know it could be much worse, but I'm so scared. And nobody I speak to thinks this is that worrying and they keep telling me how excited I must be, and actually I can't see past the birth and want to weep. And on the antenatal thread for September everyone's having their babies and talking about feeding, so I've got no one to discuss being anxious with even online.

Thank you again thefirstMrsDeVere for this opportunity to whinge. I'm sorry things are difficult for you at the moment and I hope it starts to get better.

Oh, and when my dh was talking about my next birthday in November I mentioned that when I turn 29 I'll be even closer to 30, and then he pointed, with a very sorry look on his face, that actually I'm about to turn 30. And I really really believed I was still 28 and have thought that all year. How did that happen?

dh pointed out

Sounds petty in comparison to others but I am majorly peed off that, a month into term, Cardiff has decided to give all school children the day off on Friday because of the Ryder Cup. Excuse given is that it is possibly a once in a lifetime opportunity to see the tournament in Wales so parents can take their children (have you seen the ticket prices???) and they want to try and avoid too much congestion. The tournament is in Newport where the children are all having to go to school. WTF??

Great idea for a thread. I have been holding off starting a moany-rant-a-bitch thread today, but have been itching to offload

I am bone tired, rundown and just haven't been on top form this year at all. Just recovering from a small but quite grim op which has sapped my energy. I feel like all I do is moan about how tired and unwell I feel. I am sure my DH and family think I am a hyperchondriac nutter .

I have an elderly and ill relative staying with me indefinitely. Love having him here - love him to bits - but it is exhausting having another person to look after.

I am really behind on work for my Masters degree and, although I know I will eventually catch up and get it doen, I am dreading it and really wish i had never done this stupid MA in the first place .

My youngest is really slow to settle into nursery and cries every mornign when I leave her. It is heartbreaking and means every day starts off on the wrong foot, with me feeling like the world's worst mother for abandoning her.

Eldest is only doing half days at his new school and it is doing my head on. i am trying to fit in drops offs and pick ups for two kids into one day, alongside studying. It is endless!

Been monitoring job market re: job i am currently retraining for and there is NOTHING out there. The economic downturn has totally fucked up the sector, meaning I may have forked out 4 grand for a useless MA.

I can feel slight depression and anxiety symtoms creeping back in 9am prone to depression).

I've got my period.

The house is a bloody tip.

Fuck me, that was LONG

This is a good thread, bizarrely it is making me feel better reading it - nice to know one is not alone! Even though I do not have anything specific to moan about at the moment (apart from my ongoing sleep dilemma with ds2), but I don't want to bore people, I've already done that with my Medised-based thread today. {{Hugs}} to you all with worse stuff happening xxx

Aaahh...chance for some whinging -

My DS2 proved just how 2ish he was by screaming bloody murder all the way home and for 10min once back because his banana had broken (and then another 5 min because once he chucked it on the floor and I put it in the bin, he wanted to eat it)

Went to see DS1 in assembly and he spent the whole of it looning around causing the teachers to give him (and me) Paddington bear hard stares.

Haven't had chance/can't be arsed to put away mounds of clean clothes so every morning I have to dig through it to find uniform and clothes for the DC. Berating myself for being so slovenly.

Every drawer in my house is disorganised and full to brim of crap. Can't ever find anything - annoys the crap out of me.

Sorry, haven't really read, but thought I should pop back to keep the thread going. Hope everyone is ok and stress levels are being reduced all round.

zam72, just noticed your last sentence. Been there and know how it feels. Could you perhaps aim to sort out just one drawer a week? It gives you such a great sense of satisfaction when you've done one, that it gives you the motivation to tackle the others. I recently reorganised some of my cupboards and now I have to keep opening them just to survey my handywork!

I also have a tendency to let the clean washing mount up instead of putting it away. I'm trying to be more disciplined about it now though and make myself put one pile away every time I go upstairs, rather than having to spend an hour at a time traversing various bedrooms to get it all put away en masse so to speak.

So my stresses for this week are:

We are back to the fracture clinic tomorrow and praying that dd will have her cast removed. Unfortunately she has the grottiest, snottiest cold ever at the moment so things continue to be sicky in our house.

I have a horrid sore throat, my period is due and I already have cramps and my foot/ankle has swollen up because I spend far too long standing on it, despite knowing it is still healing from a recent injury.

Ds1 now has suspected scarlett fever - for the 4th time and no that shouldn't be possible, he has the doctors stumped.

AND finally, the dog has to have her post-op lampshade on for at least another fortnight and is driving us up the wall with her constant whining and attempts to get her foot in her ear around it.