Perfectly reasonable things which you unreasonably unreasonable about

[GetOrfMoiLand]

Names with umlauts in them, unless you live in Germany or nordic lands. I don't mind accents in names, or that funny dot above the i in Irish names, but names with umlauts in get on my tits. Especially Zoë. Everyone can pronounce it when it is spelled Zoe. It is just attention seeking.

lol at nice/knife.

Yes, buit I bet ypu spent a fortune on a vile cake though, didn't you?

no MIL did £300 a chocolate marble icing chocolate cake with truffles on that i didnt eat

Coffee mornings to 'meet other mums'.

a heart shaped 2 tired cake. looked lovely though

£300 ENGLISH POUNDS FOR A RUDDY CAKE

i would rather spend a fiver on a load of yum yums and spend the rest on make up and clothes.

Haven't really understood the concept of weddings, have I (good)

SlightlyJaded, I am that person with the mobile phone. I got the most basic one possible which is exactly the same as my last three and still royally fuck up when trying to answer it. I don't send or read text messages either.

people who wander around cleaning their teeth, leave their toothbrush by the kitchen sink and then have to ask "where's my toothbrush" in the tone of an aggrieved party the next time they need it.

Also people who park badly but it's OK because they have their hazard lights on.

Washing put NEXT to the laundry basket - what is it, almost dirty enough for a wash.

People who ignore their own dirty socks for 3 days next to said laundry basket.

Flossing, I know it's good for you but really it is just horrible to do in front of anybody else.

People getting adgitated (sp?) when I ignore my phone - I do know it's ringing I just don't want to answer it, it is not compulsory.

Must stop now.

I know i said to MIL glad im not paying for it, because if i was it would have been a normal white cake for £5 from tescos with a ribbon round the bottom

Picnics!

I would like a thread where someone said they had a piss today. Sounds funny to me.

I made my own wedding cake and forced people to coo over it and marvel at it. I am a Cake Martyr.

People who pick up their dog's poo in plastic bags then leave the bag swinging from a branch in the bushes. Dirty bastards. Do they pretend to themselves they'll come back and get it later, or that they're doing other people a favour? Do they not know the apocolypse will come before the bag will rot? Put it in the shit bin or make your dog shit in the bushes!

Self-glorifying twunts who raise money for charity - especially envrionment charities - by climbing mountains, jumping out of aircraft, walking across the bloody arctic. Why should I give them money so they can have a jolly and rack up their carbon footprint? Just give the chairty the money!

Lazy work collegues who spend all their time fannying on with their holiday rota then moan about how they do all the work.

More causes of unreasonable anger:
other people's children, farts, small, snappy dogs, loud, attention-seeking sneezing, DP leaving used snot rags on the table, neatly folded for me to pick up, warm toilet seats....

Oh that was cathartic. Time for a lie down in a darkened room.

Glyndebourne.

Actually, I have never been and don't even know where it is, but the thought of open air opera, braying people oh so satisfied with their life, black tie and contrived picnics is enough to give me St Vitus' dance.

Oh and fesitvals.

My niece came back from Reading and told me that someone had written on the toilet cubicle messages in poo. Someone crouched and pissed on the floor next to her during the Libertines but thankfully she was wearing wellies.

NO WAY would I go to a festival ever ever ever

People (my Mum and sisters) who ostentatiously place their iplops on the table when we go out for a meal. If you think the company is going to be so boring, bloody well stay at home.

Last festival I went to someone had picked up the loo roll, shat underneath it and squidged the toilet roll back on top as a cunning booby trap. I did admire how much effort they had gone to (standing on the toilet ledge) just to coat someones hand in shit. Good job I went in there in daylight.

See! See! That's what I mean!

What is WRONG with people that as soon as they are at a fesitavl they want to play games with shit?

Dirty bastards.

Lol, though.

at SarahJim's "Pompeii" - I knew they reminded me of something!

Also VinegarTits's annoyance at not being called "MrsTits" by teachers etc. Took that too literally :o

When I've made a cake that ds and I can actually eat and I say, 'It's gluten-free, dairy-free and soya-free' and somebody else quips, 'And taste free? Ha-ha!' No, you fecker. It tastes bloody marvellous, took me ages to perfect and it is a complete arse to have to make every bloody thing from scratch, so either shut up and eat it or feck off and go and eat any old random thing because you can!

And breathe.

Sandy beaches.

Who was mentioning Christina Hendricks?
those aren't natural breasts - they're implants.

Glyndebourne is brilliant GetOrfMoiLand. Bleddy posh though. I've seen people there with tablecloths, candelabra and butlers to accompany their 'picnics'.

'Chick Lit'. Just buy a copy of Cosmopolitan, FFS.

'Misery Lit.' Arrrrgggghhhhh.

PIXIE LOTT - POINTLESS
PARIS FECKIN AIRHEAD SMIRKIN SIMPERIN HILTON-WASTE OF SPACE.
ALL THOSE STUPID CHAIN E-MAILS THAT TELL ME THAT IF I FORWARD TO 10 PEOPLE I WILL BE VISITED BY AN ANGEL AND HAVE 10 YEARS GOOD LUCK. 10 YEARS BAD LUCK IF I DON'T.WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP.
WOMEN GETTING ALL EXCITED COS STRICLTY COME DANCING IS BACK ON - YES I MEAN YOU ADMIN LADY 2 DESKS UP, I CAN HEAR YOU.
TEENAGE GIRLS WHO USE THEIR THUMB AND THIRD FINGER TO SWEEP THEIR HAIR BACK FROM THEIR FACES, ONLY FOR IT TO FLOP BACK AGAIN 5 SECONDS LATER - GET A HAIR BAND!
SELF SERVE CHECKOUTS AND THAT ANNOYING BOSSY VOICE "UNEXPECTED ITEM IN BAGGING AREA" YES, MY PURSE, AS THERE IS NOWHERE ELSE TO PUT IT WHEN YOU ARE TRYING TO SCAN AND PACK ITEMS AT THE SAME TIME!

Everything in my middle son's wardrobe. Why can't he just share my good taste like the other two? What's the matter with him? After all I've done for him, the sleepless nights, the martyrdom, he repays me with chavvy horrid taste.

Tofu.

The Rottweiler. I don't care how misunderstood he is - I know he wants my throat out.

The Border Collie. Miserable joyless bastard.
The Victor Meldrew of dogs.

Chrysanthemums in gardens. There is no need for it. Dahlias are ok though.

People who type in capitals.

Lol at the border collie. HOW can a border collie be miserable? They are normally the most annoyingly upbeat dogs.

Still laughing at you calling a dog a joyless bastard.

Re chrysanthemum rage, I HATE florists who have labels saying 'chrysanths'. Yes you probably spell like a grocer but at least fucking well try. It's only another 4 paltry letters, you idle bugger.