Female violence towards men

[yorkshireblue]

I have noticed a lot of posts which state violence towards males.
Is it ok for females to say these things towards males?
If this was dadsnet and these comments where aimed at women what would be the outcome?
Female violence is as bad as male violence

My Dad was - and still is abused by his wife. My mother - although I no longer speak to her.

Classic case - totally text book in examples of things said/done, just reversed sexes. :( so sad for him.

:( giraffes. Your poor dad.

The hyping up of female violence takes the focus away from the widespread verbal and physical abuse of women. Many surveys on female violence have included cases where the female has responded in self defence. How is that right? People who spout on about women being as violent as men need to wise up big time. FWIW over my lifetime I've known over 25 women personally who have been abused by a partner or ex partner. 1 of these abusers eventually had his nose bitten off when the female turned. Don't anyone dare tell me he's a victim

And while we're at it why don't you think about the fear WOMEN go through when a bloke twice their size is in their face. How many men have run naked in the street to escape attack? One or two? How many women are put into body bags every week by their partners? They don't have a fighting chance against a man that's why. This thread is fucking offensive

Male violence towards women is rightly a huge taboo subject even when presented as a joke because of the number of women killed and injured by men. The same cannot be said the other way roud so there is no taboo about women making jokes about being violence to a man.

Oddly, though I have seen quite a few joke references in thread titles by women suggesting violence against their own children. Seemingly, that too is not as taboo as male violence against women.

Obviously I know that the references by women to violence against their DH etc is a joke but just occassionally I think that it goes too far.

Spikeycow - I agree with what you have said but dont find the thread offensive because I dont think anyone is trying to equate the scale of male on female violence with the scale of female on male violence.

Spikeycow, I think your reading skills need a bit of work.

I don't think so I have a first class degree so don't patronise me.

I don't know whether this thread is offensive so much as slightly bizarre.

A lot of people queueing up to say how bad something everyone agrees is bad, is. And then complaining aggressively or sniggeringly if there's any attempt at contextualising.

And a complete failure to acknowledge that if the sort of things that are said about men on MN (cartoon violence stuff) were said about women on a male board, we can't be 100% sure it wouldn't happen to a woman, whereas I know tht however odd and unpleasant I find the urging of some poster to cook her DP's bollocks and make him eat them, or some such grotesque scenario, she's actually not going to do that, no woman in the world has ever done that.

Whereas in some cases, men have done horrific things to women so it is more disturbing when they use that sort of hyperbolic language. In a context where these things actually happen to women, versus a context where mostly, the cartoon violence referred to on MN doesn't happen to men (except Mr Bobbit), it's just wrong to say that use of language is exactly the same. The violence is exactly the same for the individuals concerned, of course, but ignoring context is missing something IMO. Possibly deliberately but possibly not. And if it's not deliberately missing something, then I think it's valid for people who aren't missing it, to come and point it out.

And it's astonishing how hostile some posters are, to having context pointed out.

Why so defensive?

I have seen this on my short time here YANBU.

In relationships especially, some double standards. If husband cheats you quite often get the woman say she has given him a good slap/punch which is brushed over most of the time......

Where as turn the scenario around, ok it's not as frequent but the odd woman who comes on having had/contemplating an affair will on the most part get slated for it, but if it's a case her husband knows and has been verbally/physically abusive then there is no justification ever for him abusing her affair or not. Yet women can slap/punch men when it's turned around and much less picked upon.

Also if it were men coming here jokingly saying, I want to kick her in the fanjo, rip her tits off, smash her face in the posters here would have a field day especially with screaming abuse before you could even blink. Or can you see it in relationships, "I saw my DH internet history and he made a thread on whatever forum saying he'd like to kick my head in, wwyd"? "Oh and he says it was a joke, I think it's disrepsectful to talk about me like that".

Can you imagine the screams of leave him!

Whoever accused Retiredgoth2 of misandry - to everyone's hilarity - it would just as ridiculous and offensive to apply that label to a woman saying what he said.

Well yes I can Emmylou.

Because a man who talks like that about a woman may be dangerous to her, because in a world where violence against women is a massive reality, far more prevalent than the other way round, decent men don't talk like that about women. I would feel frightened of a man if I found out that he'd talked like that about me.

Whereas a man is unlikely to feel frightened of a woman who talks like that about him. He might be pissed off and angry that she talks about him like that, and I'd be a bit about the quality of a relationship between couples who could talk that way about each other, but in most cases he wouldn't actually feel a slight fear (unless he knew his DP was actually a bit of a psycho. In which case, he does have massive problems and should probably consider leaving her as one of his options, no?)

See this is why it's so hard for men to come forward, as they get laughed at and out of the police station, "as a woman can't possibly hurt a man".

I have seen it happen it's exactly the same belittle them to the point they have no fight left and just lash out and they do nothing back. Be it verbal or physical or emotional humiliation.

Just because it's less prevelant does not make it less of an issue.

If a man were to make threads on forums about his wife, saying how he'd like to kick her head in and rip her tits off, "joke" or not, would be horrific and if someone posted that in relationships, they'd be told to leave. Just because it's the other way does not make it right, it's 100% just as bad, just as disgusting and just as disrespectful and harmful to a relationship, "joke" or not.

Bea you post highlights very well the distasteful double standards at play here on MN, and the rasons why female on male abuse is rarely acknowledged as something more than being a minor joke.

Decent women do not talk about their OH's like that IMVHO.

spileycow - if you have a 1st class degree, make it more apparent??

i too am a bit at this thread.

emmylou - I do consider you to be wrong when you say "Just because it's less prevelant does not make it less of an issue." IT is massively less of an issue, due to the level of incidences and the consequences on the victims. How many females actually kill their partners, excepting those who are reacting to abuse?

all over the place.

I don't think this is some sort of 'competition' just because violence may happen from male > female more does not mean violence from female > male is acceptable.

What is wrong with saying that comments like 'cut off his balls' is not nice at all because it is not. I am not sure why people then feel the need to say well if men say it there is all these connotations and he might actually do it etc. And yes DV towards men by female partners is not as common as the other way around but it is not exactly rare either.

If one type of behaviour is unacceptable for one then it should be for all period.

Did you know that three men a month are killed in domestic violence incidents in the UK?

How many of those men had previous for DV? We can't be sure unless we know self defence cases haven't been included in the stats.

My Dad was stabbed by an ex-girlfriend for coming in late from the pub. You bet your arse he was scared. Violence is always wrong, and the second either party resorts to it they have lost the moral high ground, IMO.

Obviously it's wrong either way. But there are many more scared women and children out there. Especially in communities where men are relied on for food and shelter. It isn't all about middle class educated women. In many communities if a woman raised a hand to a male she'd be kiiled stone dead.

Snorbs - I am, respectfully, doubting that figure - if it was true there would be a national outrage!

in another window I am looking at stats gathered in march 2010 for the HoC Library - and when I ahve drilled it down to 'deaths per week' I will post it happily!

I meant killed. Sorry Pan

This thread appears to have descended into a comparison of which gender has suffered more...a victimhood competition, if you will, which is unhelpful.

Sure, more women suffer at the hands of their 'partners' than the other way round but that does not make this thread offensive in any way, to my mind.

I have no idea how many had previous for DV. Just like I don't have any idea how many of the 8 women a month killed in domestic violence had previous either. At a rough guess, maybe it's in proportion to the 1 in 4 women victims of DV and the 1 in 6 male victims of DV.

Pan, I'll dig out chapter and verse later. The stats come from the British Crime Survey. There isn't a national outrage as, in general, male victims of DV are either ignored, viewed as liars, or assumed to actually be the perpetrators of DV and anything that happens to them must have been done in self-defence. I'll be honest, that's what I tended to assume about male victims of DV until I became one.