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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Female violence towards men

169 replies

yorkshireblue · 10/09/2010 23:00

I have noticed a lot of posts which state violence towards males.
Is it ok for females to say these things towards males?
If this was dadsnet and these comments where aimed at women what would be the outcome?
Female violence is as bad as male violence

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 10/09/2010 23:53

Misandry is a made-up word.

If a man uses violent language against women, even jokingly, it reminds us of the horror of violence towards women which sees two a week in this country actually die. So it's not much of a joke.

When a woman uses similar language, as the reality of female aggression comes nowhere close, we can accept it as hyperbole.

Language, and the way it is understood, has some basis in actual social experience. Which is why a thread title about wanting to hurt a child would be reviled by most people reading it. Because it actually happens.

The fact is that women do not routinely physically abuse men. So to react to verbal rantings as equivalent is splitting hairs, and missing the objective facts.

I don't especially like violent thread titles btw, but it's just silly to say "Oh it's just as bad as if men say it", because we are comparing apples and oranges.

HerBeatitude · 10/09/2010 23:53

Thanks for the permission SM but it's a bit late and Big Brother's finished now so I won't if that's OK with you.

scottishmummy · 10/09/2010 23:54

whatever you say,hen

bruxeur · 10/09/2010 23:55

What's a short way of saying "morally reprehensible"?

BeerTricksPotter · 10/09/2010 23:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bruxeur · 10/09/2010 23:57

BoF, you seem to be saying that female>male violence never happens? I'm not sure that's right, you know.

BeerTricksPotter · 10/09/2010 23:57

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

yorkshireblue · 10/09/2010 23:58

op is male

I was just commenting on the casual way violence towards males is accepted and if it was the other way round what would be the outcome?would womens groups etc comment on the casual attitude of the male posters towards violence to women

OP posts:
BeerTricksPotter · 10/09/2010 23:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BitOfFun · 11/09/2010 00:01

I'm not saying it never happens, no. But that it is dwarfed by comparison to male-on-female violence.

bruxeur · 11/09/2010 00:02

A good point for a thread about male-on-female violence, I'm sure.

BeerTricksPotter · 11/09/2010 00:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NickOfTime · 11/09/2010 00:06

routinely.

BitOfFun · 11/09/2010 00:10

Routinely is overstating the reality, yes, sorry. Have been reading too much of the Relationships board, obviously Blush

BeerTricksPotter · 11/09/2010 00:15

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NickOfTime · 11/09/2010 00:20

but equally, lots of support available for female victims. telephone lines, shelters etc.

(am in no way saying this makes it okay, lol, just that i was horrified by the lack of support available to a man in the same situation.)

there is no difference at the most basic level. if you are hurt and abused, you are hurt and abused.

BeerTricksPotter · 11/09/2010 00:22

This reply has been deleted

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NickOfTime · 11/09/2010 00:23

i'm more of a qual girl tbh. quant gets right up my nose. Wink

BeerTricksPotter · 11/09/2010 00:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NickOfTime · 11/09/2010 00:44
Grin
gingerwig · 11/09/2010 01:02

"i'll cut off his balls and wear them as earrings if he is unfaithful"

Acceptable hyperbole?
No way, it's just as hideous as "I'd cut her tits off"

I completely cringe at the way this stuff is said onMN

narkypuffin · 11/09/2010 01:05

And the threads where people offer to give away their DCs? Are you running off to report them to social services?

Words are words and the people venting on here using (often very creative) threats aren't making them to their DHs or ever considering laying a finger on them.It's very much, "I'll have his guts for garters."

It's childish but very cathartic.

gingerwig · 11/09/2010 01:08

is "I'd slice off her clitoris " acceptably childish and cathartic?

narkypuffin · 11/09/2010 01:16

In some parts of the world that is actually done to women because of the fear of female sexuality and men's need to control women.

If anyone touches a man's bits anywhere in the world it's a major global story- Lorena Bobbit anyone?

When it's obviously ludicrous, cartoonish empty 'threats' of violence it's funny. Most of the comparable male to female threats are happening somewhere in the world right now. Not so funny when it's true.

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 11/09/2010 01:26

In answer to the OP, I really don't like those threads either, because I always think about how wrong it would be if it were men expressing similar about their DWs/DPs.

But narkypuffin and others are right - it's not as bad as men expressing the same kind of "I want to kill her" thing, because nearly no women kill their DH/DPs (except in self-defence), quite a lot of men kill their wives & partners. Not "a lot" in terms of percentage, obviously, but a lot in terms of 2 a week being far too many :( So expressing violent fantasies that are nearly never made reality = gross, expressing violent fantasies that are unlikely, but possible going to be made reality = scary.