To be very upset by friend demanding something back given to me 15 years ago??

[rockinhippy]

I'll try not to ramble, but already feeling ill & now very upset, so excuse me if I do....I would apreciate opinions as to whether or not I am being unreasonable in, a being upset, & b, refusing.

Some 16 odd years ago, probably much more, ........my friend ...(who is one of my DDs 2 GodMums) gave me a vintage astrakan coat, passed to her by her uncle, but not her style at all, but very much mine..........she said at the time something along the lines of "if you change your mind & don't wear it, or want it in future, don't get rid of it, but let me have it back, maybe I'll keep it or pass it on"

Now I love this coat, repaired the lining & keep it for winter going out for special occasions & have looked after it well, so its still in as new condition

the other day I recieved an e-mail, telling me her DD now 17 had been looking through old family photos, & has fell in love with this coat...& wondered if I still had it & was it used..& could she have it back....at first I was confused & thought she meant a 1 she had passed over to my DD....

e-mail yesterday clarified what she meant....so I replied saying, yes, I still love it & wear it with pride & even included a recent photo (we don't live close to each other anymore)

Just now recieved a reply along the lines of....

Sadly DD feels just as strongly about the coat & DD takes precedence over friend, will be popping down to your town next Monday I will collect it then

Oh and she OUGHT to pay you something towards the cleaning and upkeep. That's only fair. But I think she won't care about that - she will want it back for her daughter and won't care even if you want something for it.

To her it seems wrong that it's left the family permanently.

Haven't read this whole thread so apologies if this has already been covered - but does anyone know what Persian Lamb actually is?
It's also known as Karaul or Broadtail, and a description is here.

I wouldn't want it on my back, and I would assume maybe wrongly) that a RockinHippie wouldn't either.

(I edited that last statement, btw, as it might be too much for people looking at this thread unawares).

OP: post this under Ethical Living and see what sort of response you get there.

oo crikey - cross posted with your post about the email Rockin. Cripes.

What do you think will happen when she comes to collect it? Will you be out?

WhatsWrongWithYou - the OP said it's fake apparently.

Flightatttenedant - you are right about those sorts of people - I was recently given sackfuls of clothes because someone was clearing out their house and I said the clothes I didn';t want I would give to a second hand shop - to which they answered, no you have to keep it because they might want to do soemthing else with it!

Months later it is still in my basement and I'm just going to get rid of it all.

Blu, i believe the expression 'indian giving'
is really quite widespread.
I personally live on the south coast, but many of my friends (from all over the country) use it.

God, you've had the use of a coat you've loved for 15 years and now you resent the idea of giving it back and think this signifies the end of your friendship?

It was a generous gesture in the first place, which you don't seem to have appreciated in the least bit.

I just can't understand your attitude to this.

Oh thanks Visitor.

but I suppose perhaps theres not much to miss,.....losing whole words now

& to the person who said we were young when it was given....sadly not....we are both getting on a bit these days, so were well into our 30s by then ...lol

"her attitude tells me she doesn't value my friendship at all......"

Well, I think that's something that seems mutual.

Hope the coat is worth it.

Flight,. Persian carpets are a different thing entirely - they're woven from wool and originated in Persia hence the name. These lambs are short-haired, and I don't think you could get enough wool from them for a prayer mat, let alone a carpet.

honestly £500 see here

Hate the idea of the poor wee lambs though

I think her attitude rather suggets she lent it to you rather than gave it to you however you interpreted it.

Is it really worth it? Over a coat??

Well you agreed to give the coat back at some stage as she wouldn't have lent it to you in the first place. Give it back! it isn't yours or lose the friend.

.... Hmm no it doesn't say fake it says vintage.

.

It's sad and you will miss the coat. And I think your friend could have asked for it back more politely. But really, there's only one thing to do, isn't there? I mean, if you were in the situation where you felt you had to ask for something back that you had given someone how would you feel if they said no?

People are weird, aren't they? I was given a pregnancy negligee (as in 'would you like to have this for when you have dd2?') Months later I got a message via a friend saying could she have it back - not a problem but I was really as I had no idea it was a loan and not a gift. Then I noticed that round here people 'give' each other things for their babies and dc but expect to get them back, whereas where I grew up if you gave someone something that was it - it was theirs to do with as they wish.

OP, I suspect that the dd has got wind of the 70's shaggy coat being cool this winter and will be bored of said coat come next season. But I do think it unreasonable for your friend to assume that 15 yrs counts as a reasonable amount of time fro her to decide if she wants it or not.

Personally I would send her back a message saying she can have to coat once she pays you £xxx for cleaning and repair so yo can buy something even better.

you really have no choice but to give it back but maybe you could say you'd love to borrow it again if her DD gets bored of it.

Just give the coat back. Really not worth all of the stress surely?

Also, as a vegetarian, would not want that coat and all it represents near me anyway.

Personally, although I would be miffed, I would consider the cost of maintaining the coat as paying for the use of it.

It's not yours, there's been a misunderstanding. Give it back and move on.

Whatswrong ...i think earlier in the tread it was mentioned that the coat was from the 50`s ...so it is vintage .

Perhaps the ops friend is hoping to sell it to dita von-tease type .

Apologies if i'm wrong but I thought the phrase "indian giving" was to do with the American army handing out blankets etc, diseased meat to native americans which then went on to cause diseases that wiped out communities etc. Of course I could have remembered an dodgy episode of Dr Quinn!!!

droves, if you check out http://completed.shop.ebay.co.uk/i.html?MA2ShowItems&_trksid=p3286.c0.m283&_rdc=1&rt=nc&_fln=1&_nkw=%28Astrakhan%2Castrakan%29+coat+-faux&_dmpt=Women_s_Clothing&LH_Complete=1&guest=1eBay as a comparison, most don't sell and those that do were usually for £20 - £40.