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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect if my partner and myself spend £50 on birthday pressies, the rest of the family should at least TRY to spend a similar amount?

128 replies

nearlyuptheduff · 06/09/2010 14:34

Always spend £50 on each family member, getting them something we have really thought about and that is personal to them. I get a present from inlaws and sister which is worth £35. I know this because they left the receipt in the bag....

I am very hurt, AIBU?

OP posts:
MrsDoofenshmirtz · 06/09/2010 14:35

Are you joking ?

MrsDoofenshmirtz · 06/09/2010 14:36

You had a joint present from your inlaws and sister?

meltedmarsbars · 06/09/2010 14:36

Got to be joking.

Only kids get presents, and then its rarely more than a tenner.

pearlsandtwinset · 06/09/2010 14:36

YABU. Work out why.

prozacfairy · 06/09/2010 14:36

This is a wind up surely? Hmm

Yes funnily enough YABU.

Can't stand shallowness and you would make a paddling pool look deep.

Seona1973 · 06/09/2010 14:36

what are you spending £50 for in the first place - we spend closer to £15. You are being very unreasonable and a bit greedy.

prozacfairy · 06/09/2010 14:37

This is a wind up surely? Hmm

Yes funnily enough YABU.

Can't stand shallowness and you would make a paddling pool look deep.

ConnorTraceptive · 06/09/2010 14:37

Oh get real ffs. This sort of thing piss's me off because DH's family set unspoken limits on gifts regardless of whether everyone can afford it or not. So i always feel resentfull at spending more than we can afford or like I'm a tight arse.

skidoodly · 06/09/2010 14:38

You are, aren't you? (joking, that is)

MunchMummy · 06/09/2010 14:38

yes - you sound very ungrateful for receiving anything.

Take for example me and my sister. We are very comfortable, no mortage or loans to worry about. She struggles to find enough money to put money on the table. I OFTEN tell her not to bother buying us pressies if she has no money - buy food first. Of course she does buy something, but I would NEVER expect her to spend on us what we do on her.

Original poster
nearlyuptheduff · 06/09/2010 14:39

It's not a wind up!

From your comments, I'll just spend less on them from now on then?!

OP posts:
Original poster
nearlyuptheduff · 06/09/2010 14:40

What do you think is a resonable amount to spend?

OP posts:
Vondo · 06/09/2010 14:41

Oh man. really?!?!?!? Biscuit

Hammy02 · 06/09/2010 14:41

You must be in a very good financial position to spend that much. Many people are struggling at the moment. Although having said that, even when my partner & I were on about 80K between us, we wouldn't have spent that much on presents. It's all a bit daft don't you think?

quiddity · 06/09/2010 14:41

You're still missing the point

FlyingInTheCLouds · 06/09/2010 14:41

you don't give to receive.

Sarthrell · 06/09/2010 14:41

YABU - whatever happened to the thought that counts.

Sometimes I have time to find just the right present and other times not.

I'm very happy for you that you manage to do so well in finding just the right thing for others at a budget you can afford.

I'm not that great - maybe your inlaws aren't either. At least they got you something - they thought of you and got you something - be grateful, they didn't have to.

prozacfairy · 06/09/2010 14:41

Spend what you feel is right but don't use your own standards of spending against other people.

It's not the cost of the present that counts, it's the thought behind it.

Pretty obvious imo. Hmm

TheLadyOfTheGreenKirtle · 06/09/2010 14:42

umm.

Biscuit
Lizcat · 06/09/2010 14:42

It's the thought that counts - I often make presents even though I can afford to buy them, as I enjoy the act of making something with love for my family.

laurely · 06/09/2010 14:42

I spend what I can afford and if the person I buy for spends more ( or less!!!) on me that's up to them.

YABU AND shallow.

yesway · 06/09/2010 14:43

Think of it like this:
You are trying to be extra generous in the hope that they will reciprocate - because you would like to spend a lot on them and obv like to have a lot spent on you.

But what if they are spending less on you in the hope that you scale down your generosity because they can't keep up?

HecateQueenOfWitches · 06/09/2010 14:43

If you feel that an exchange of gifts should be 'go out and spend £X each" then you are missing the point.

It doesn't matter how much a gift costs, it is the thought and the love.

£50 may be little to one person but a fortune to another.

Perhaps they don't know you spend £50 - unless you make sure you let them know, of course...

If someone spends a pound on something and it comes with love and they went out and spent time and chose thoughtfully, then that's worth more than a gift that cost £1000 that was the first thing that fell into their hand.

If what matters to you is that for every pound you spend, a pound is spent on you, then I would suggest that you arrange to stop exchanging gifts with them at all because your gift is meaningless.

MrsDoofenshmirtz · 06/09/2010 14:43

Unbelievable !

theyoungvisiter · 06/09/2010 14:44

Please tell me this is a wind up?!

Why on earth should you get to dictate the amount they have to spend on you?

Maybe they don't want to spend £50?

Maybe they can't afford £50?

Maybe they don't really like you anyway, think that the gifts you buy them are a useless waste of money, and would rather you gave it all to charity?

Maybe it's never occurred to them to price up your gifts and they (clearly mistakenly) believed that a well-chosen present, given with love, was more important than the price tag?

Take your pick.