to expect if my partner and myself spend £50 on birthday pressies, the rest of the family should at least TRY to spend a similar amount?

[nearlyuptheduff]

Always spend £50 on each family member, getting them something we have really thought about and that is personal to them. I get a present from inlaws and sister which is worth £35. I know this because they left the receipt in the bag....

I am very hurt, AIBU?

ah yes, a well-placed "common"

always a joy

Totally unreasonable, how do you know everyone can afford what you spend on them?

You don't give to receive and all that so totally unreasonable.

I wouldn't be too hurt if I were you we spend that on gifts approx and all I get from the PIL is a £10 tesco voucher, they don't like me

Missmoopy, 'or a troll'. Surely AND a troll???

Just had a conversation with DH where he complained that my mother spends more on my nephew....my dd loved her gift from my mother(which was probably just as much as anyone else) and the price never entered my head.

If one of my kids announced that they didn't think there gift was expensive enough I'd tell them they didn't deserve anything at all.....

:o

blimey, can you be my sister-in-law if you spend that much?

years ago, my sisters and I made an agreement that we would only buy each other presents for our birthdays, not christmas as little sis had 2 DSs (now has 3) and there was too much money being spent otherwise.
little sis and her husband did buy us 2 (big sis and me) presents, as we bought for their DSs. Now big sis has a DD and the agreement stands, so I buy for the niece and nephews and they all by for me!
i don't ask them to buy for me, but they do it because they don't want me to feel left out.

i buy for mum and dad, and for my nephews and nieces at birthdays too.
to put it into context, my sister got a necklace that cost £7 and my nephew got a couple of books (cos I get kids' books at cost, so it cost me about £6 for the two)
that's enough money to spend when you've got 6 birthdays plus mum and dad every year, as well as DH. and christmas on top.

presents are about the thought - not saying that you should reduce how much you spend, but really think about whether it's the cost/value you care about, rather than buying thm something they will really want/need.
to me, a stick of sure anti-perspirant costing £1.80 is worth more than a box of Thornton's Continentals (i don't like truffles)

I can understand if you think its more about the lack of thought rather than money spent.

SIL and I buy each other fab gifts for birthdays as we both love space nk. So I probably do spend about £50 on her because I like to do so.

Spend what you want and re-adjust if it makes you feel better.

And remember on mn no-one spends more than £3 on a present and they're jolly well grateful for whatever they receive

In my family we've put a limit on xmas presents and do a secret santa for the adults - much easier. And when one of us has been hard up we've just agreed to skip birthdays but is all very ad hoc.

Thanks traceybath.

I am glad there is one person on here that understands.

:)

It depends on how you interpret it tbh, eveyone is different.

I couldn't care what I got off others, there are some people in my family who really struggle from day-day, I don't care if I get nothing or a xmas cracker.

Come the PIL though it's deliberate, they are loaded and lavish everyone, I get a £10 TESCO voucher as a point, I don't really care been like it for years. If it's to get one over on you rise above it....

YABU it's the THOUGHT that counts not the price. It really depends on peoples situations, I mean if you have £50 to spend on a present you're clearly doing well, but your relatives might not be.

I know that when I can't afford a present I devote alot of time and effort into making something, my mum has quite a few hand painted baby pictures from me, when I was broke.

I personally think you're being a bit ungrateful of what they have gotten you. Does the present relate to you and is there obvious thought involved in it?

YABU and hideously demanding.

"Thanks traceybath.

I am glad there is one person on here that understands"

really???

"Always spend £50 on each family member, getting them something we have really thought about and that is personal to them. I get a present from inlaws and sister which is worth £35. I know this because they left the receipt in the bag....

I am very hurt, AIBU?"

Point to where in your OP you mention thought? You specifically say you are hurt because you spent £50 on them and they spent £35 on you. You say nothnig about lack of thought on their part. Thoughtful gifts cannot cost £35 then?

Later, when people were saying YABU. You changed your story to Oh, actually it's the lack of thought rather than the money...

People comment on the information you give them and people were responding to your OP (Original Post). Tell me where in your OP you give information that tells us you feel hurt by lack of thought and I'll buy you presents worth £50 for each birthday and christmas.

YABU OP - it's whether it was the right thing, and reflects thought or not that matters.

Of course the other thing to consider is some people have LARGE families. If I spent £50 per adult, that would be £800 just on birthdays each year.

My friend and her husband gave me a £25 voucher for a high street shop, I am very broke at the moment and brought him a bottle of wine for his birthday and her a plant for hers.
Its the thought that counts

Thanks Hecate you just saved me the bother of typing it out.

OP - you are either as shallow as a puddle or look a lot like <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-13-files_troll_2.jpg&imgrefurl=www.huffingtonpost.com/alan-w-silberberg/troll-patrol_b_574004.html&h=352&w=320&sz=18&tbnid=yzZxmo3dH4wp_M:&tbnh=235&tbnw=214&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dtroll%2Bpicture&zoom=1&q=troll+picture&hl=en&usg=__jC1I4kfggg-l2zHu7htxwlRazT0=&sa=X&ei=qyqFTM-ABJWQ4QaH5NHSBA&ved=0CBwQ9QEwAQ" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">this

YABU. My SIL and her partner spend more on me, DH and DS than we do on them. I am fully aware that we do, but they choose to and have much more cash than us.

Isn't it the thought that counts. unless you are an extremely ungrateful so and so.

Only having read the OP I would say that you are being tight and money grabbing (and that's the polite version).

Off to read the rest of the thread now...

Nope, my opinion hasn't changed.

Maybe your SIL and ILs just don't like you?

Can't think why not...

Are you for real?

I couldn't care less how much my inlaws or anyone else for that matter spend on presents and have never been so money grabbing as to tally it all up!

Very sad OP and lucky you if this is all you have to worry about!