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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect if my partner and myself spend £50 on birthday pressies, the rest of the family should at least TRY to spend a similar amount?

128 replies

nearlyuptheduff · 06/09/2010 14:34

Always spend £50 on each family member, getting them something we have really thought about and that is personal to them. I get a present from inlaws and sister which is worth £35. I know this because they left the receipt in the bag....

I am very hurt, AIBU?

OP posts:

SpeedyGonzalez · 06/09/2010 20:46

You can buy me a £50 gift if you like, nearlyup!

Rofl! What a bizarre OP!

constantlytired · 06/09/2010 21:13

How about this Christmas, your in laws will think long and hard about what to get you and then get you nothing....will you still complain then, as i'm sure they will have put a lot of thought into that! Have a

floweryblue · 06/09/2010 21:14

OP, I get really upset every year, birthday and Xmas, because people have wasted money buying me expensive things I neither want nor need.

I also get very excited every time someone finds me a treasure or something that is very much for me. How much it cost them is not something that crosses my mind.

In my small family £50-ish is my budget, in DP's v large family, as little as possible is his budget. But we both vary that, so some people's presents are over-budget, some are under, all are thoughtful.

DP and I have been in financial struggles for a while now and my family suggested a budget max DP and I could spend last Xmas, I agreed and then ignored them! Still just got/made what I thought they would like.

Buying gifts is always a gamble, unless you have been given a v specific list of wants. You should know by now that the actual money value of something is nothing compared to the real value you attach to something.

LauraNorder · 06/09/2010 21:16

- is this a wind up?

Sandthefloor · 06/09/2010 21:20

What does your husband think? How much do they spend on him? If you come from a family that spends a lot on gifts then perhaps it might be better to stick to expensive presents for your side only.

costacoffee · 06/09/2010 21:37

You sound very ungrateful,you dont give to receive,and it is the thought that counts!.
Some people get nothing at all which is what you deserve.
I will give you one of these though.

Summerbird73 · 06/09/2010 21:38

they didnt leave the receipt in the bag by accident - they did it on purpose to send you the message that they dont want you to spend that much on them as they cant afford to spend that much on you

you are a leeedle bit precious IMO

Hulababy · 06/09/2010 21:39

YANU - on so many levels!

You spend what YOU want to on gifts for others. Others chose their own amounts.

Surely you don't buy a gift hoping for a similar amount back.

What happened to "its the thought that counts?"

if you begrudge having less spent on you. reduce how much you spend. Don't expect others to up their budget thpugh.

crazyforniamh · 06/09/2010 21:51

At the risk of being shot down here I do kinda understand where nearlyuptheduff is coming from. For me, I get constantly crap presents form my parents-in-laws and I know that my husbands brothers family gets lovely stuff. I always try to get presents that I know they will like to make them smile and I get junk. It's not the value at all, it's the lack of thought. Example, I got moisturing creams last year from xmas that had Woolworths on the packet. They know I have a skin condition so wtf?

RealEyesRealiseRealLies · 06/09/2010 21:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

crazyforniamh · 06/09/2010 21:56

crazyforniamh · 06/09/2010 21:57

infact no not :(

LindaLaHughes · 06/09/2010 22:05

OMG I'd never ever ever be ungrateful for a gift regardless of it's value and I certainly would not be posting my ungratefulness on a public forum for all to see.

You cannot have any real worries.

QS · 06/09/2010 22:07

"@getabloodygrip.... birthdays and christmas... it's tradtional..."

Yes, for children. How old are you, twelve?

mummyofexitedprincesses · 06/09/2010 22:08

Are you Liz Jones, OP?

SpeedyGonzalez · 06/09/2010 22:10

MUMMYOF!!! That is just about the most horrible thing I've ever seen anyone say in all my years on MN. I'm going to report your post as abusive.

arf

lazysod · 06/09/2010 22:17

my wifes aunt sets herself a budget and sticks to it exactly. Its usually around £15 quid or so.

Its not uncommon to for my wife to receiver her birthday present of bottle of wine, chocs, pot plant or whatever accompanied by a cheque for the balance - last year she had a cheque for about £2.30! This isn't some little old dear living in a home either

dilemma456 · 06/09/2010 22:24

What a horrible OP.

My cousin brought me (quite an expensive) dishwasher and 4 packs of dishwasher tablets for my birthday this year. She has a very high income and she knew it was what I really really wanted but couldn't really afford/justify for myself.

I got her a mirror for her dressing table because she'd been saying she wished she had one. It cost twenty quid but she was delighted with it and saves she thinks of me every time she looks in the mirror. Believe me I think very loving thoughts of her everytime i turn on my dishwasher.

If i see a post saying I spent 500 quid on my cousin and she only spent 20 on me I'll know who it is but the thought wouldn't cross her mind (I hope)

Mousesmummy · 06/09/2010 22:42

Right I'm going to try to see this from an her POV - I sort of agree!!??

(And before you shoot me down I appreciate OP has come across as only interested in the monetary value)

When my DH's brother and partner were expecting we asked what they needed/would like as a gift. They asked specifically for a bouncer that cost £90. (Was given a code of the exact one they wanted) I bought it with a good heart and was pleased to have got them something they wanted. (BTW, we are not rich but it was DH's brother's first child etc etc).

When it was our DD 2 and 3 birthdays we were sent gifts from £-land or equivalent.
I was furious! And NO DH's brother is not struggling for cash!!)

For me it was about the insult that I felt. . .; and yes . . .the money. I felt they were very rude to expect me to just swallow those gifts!

I understand why folk are pulling the OP down, but please be open to the fact that sometimes family life is hard and complicated and folk are sometimes mean and rude.

clemetteattlee · 06/09/2010 22:55

Spending £35 on a present is not exactly mean and rude!!

lazysod · 06/09/2010 22:59

mousesmummy - they asked you for a present though, so its a different kettle of fish

Mousesmummy · 06/09/2010 23:03

I meant that as a general comment, not specifically related to OP's family.
Let's be realistic, not pretending we all live fluffy lives - people do have certain 'expectations' in life, presents included.
If two brothers/sisters/whatever have similar expectations re:presents then for one person to suddenly give crap, I thnk that is unfair (and I got a feelig for my DH's brother's expectations when he asked for an expensive gift himself!)

Mousesmummy · 06/09/2010 23:04

Yes lazysod - agreed

Skyrg · 06/09/2010 23:06

I do find it a bit sad that most people are saying presents are not for adults - I love presents!
On the other hand, I'm one of the youngest in the family so I still tend to get quite a bit, because they know there's a lot I need/can't afford. Even if it's just nice shower gel, it's nice to receive it as a gift because I wouldn't buy for myself and I like that kind of thing.

Adults quibbling over exact costs is, I agree, ridiculous.

teddymum · 06/09/2010 23:09

Maybe its worth £50 but they got it in the sales?

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