to expect if my partner and myself spend £50 on birthday pressies, the rest of the family should at least TRY to spend a similar amount?

[nearlyuptheduff]

Always spend £50 on each family member, getting them something we have really thought about and that is personal to them. I get a present from inlaws and sister which is worth £35. I know this because they left the receipt in the bag....

I am very hurt, AIBU?

we are utterly skint this year

we will be having our second credit crunch Xmas < dreads it >

this time, it will be a fiver per person (except for the kids)

if I felt any members of my family felt like this OP, I would be very, very upset

If this is for real, you are terribly shallow, however much you deny it. You miss the point of exchanging gifts.

OP aside, I still think back fondly to when we just finished uni and my best friend and I was broke most of the time: We decided to set a very low limit (abroad, but would probably be equivalent of £5 now) for our Christmas gifts to each other. It was brilliant, as we got to choose silly little things (e.g. pretty choc/candy floss/random find) without feeling guilty, and more importantly, had a great time trying to find the perfect combination for that amount.

I hate it when you feel you have to give someone something.

I find it silly when adults buy presents for other adults.
What is the point??

I thought somewhere between £5 and £10 was a normal amount to spend on an adult? I'm obviously really cheap...

We only buy for adult family now, plus one gift for the family we spend christmas with (if applicable). Also only spend proper money on dh's gift, the others are "for the thought only" types.

YABU.

I really hope this is a wind-up.

I think this is a joke but in any case YABVVU. Who cares what something costs? What kind of person gives to recieve? Thought that counts and all that...

Well at least you can see the general reaction here OP.

This thread may change your life!

£5-10 per person is totally normal I think, and if I can spend less but on seomthing lovely then I will.

It is the thought that counts.

Do you need me to say YABU

My sister in law does this, it drives me mad! Two Xmases ago we told everyone we could only do small gifts for the adults in the family, everyone was delighted to agree except my sister in law who said she had already done her Xmas shopping in September. Cue embarrassed faces all round when we handed over wine and chocs, and were handed Chanel perfume and cashmere scarves in return. . We told them at the start of November, so we did give plenty of notice, and everyone was mortified. So we just carry on buying modest but nice presents and let her do what she wants, although she has taken the hint and toned it down a bit, possibly because her husband has been in and out of a job over the last few years and she has wised up a bit that were not all loaded any more.

AF - we are all broke (well pretty much so) and a few years ago we set a limit of a fiver on adults pressies at Christmas. It works so much better. Real thought goes into the silly socks that will be worn or the carefully chosen paperback that will be read as opposed to picking up the Marks and Spencer's jumper that won't be loved.

One year my brother got all the adults annuals. We had a lot more fun introducting the children to beano etc than we would with more expensive presents. Mind you it was the same year that I got everyone a cheap bottle of wine and we all drank the lot by evening!

I'm by no means loaded, there is only one child in the family so we have not got to the point of just buying for the kids.

I am embrarrased by the reaction TBH. I will just have to rethink our spending as £50 is probably too much anyway. My partner came up with that figure and we have stuck to it beacuse it was easy.

Maybe 2011 will be different. I have been with my partner for 5 years and his famimly have always been generous, this year just feels different and I wonder if I have done something to upset them. Last year we took them away (to Europe for the weekend) for their birthday.

What did they get you for £35?

YANBU - they are clearly declasse and don't understand the rules. Next time enclose a small folded note within the wrapping which states the following:

Dear SIL

It has come to my attention that your gifts are but a soft echo of the generosity I show (50 pounds).

At Christmas 2009 you presented me with a jumper I later found online (kelkoo.co.uk) at a price of 12.99 sterling. A difference of 37.01 I'm sure you'll agree. (Screen grab attached.)

Please ensure your next gift to me has a retail equivalent of 87.01 minimum.

I enclose receipts highlighting your gifts for the previous 12 transactions.

I trust you will attend to this matter with the urgency it demands to avoid any unecessary awkward gift exchange moments at future family gatherings.

Yours sincerely

H. Bucket

AFwe've been doing the fiver per person thing with my family the last two Christmases and I have to say I have never received a wider range of lovely, thoughtful gifts. It's brilliant because everyone has a story about why they bought what they bought and you get a real idea of how much people care.

It has added something to Christmas, it really has.

Oh and op, you're ridiculous if you're for real. How u grateful and vile of you to judge a gift by its cost. Crass and common.

OP, you need to wake up and smell the coffee

this year "feels different" because they are pissed off with your shallow and money-grubbing attitude

hope that helps

That's ungrateful, not u grateful

Ah, AF, a passive aggressive smiley :o

Always a joy.

how ungrateful are you?!!!!!

I would far rather have a £5 present I love than a £50 present I hate.

And who says you have to spend £50 on them?

It's the thought that counts, surely?

Just because you spend a lot on people doesnt mean they have to do the same.

The wedding anniversary present that touched me most this year was from DD2 who spent a week painting a big banner. DH got me an iPad but which one shows planning, thought and a whole load of love? Don't get me wrong, I love the iPad but a banner painted by hand fora week by an 11 year old is a massive thing in my book.

You sound like a money grabbing twat to be honest.

My SIL is the baby of the family and is always bought presents but never even sends so much as a card back. I have continued it for about 10 years as you don't give to receive. Her DP also receives a gift and card and has never sent so much as an email of thanks.
This year however now I have a baby I have decided that I would rather spend the money on her.
There are limits but I think you should spend what you can afford rather than to match each other.

YABU. Or a troll.

You're missing the point OP, it's not about the £50, forget that figure. It's about your awful attitude when it comes to present exchanges.

I never cease to be amazed at the sheer stupidity of some posters...