to expect if my partner and myself spend £50 on birthday pressies, the rest of the family should at least TRY to spend a similar amount?

[nearlyuptheduff]

Always spend £50 on each family member, getting them something we have really thought about and that is personal to them. I get a present from inlaws and sister which is worth £35. I know this because they left the receipt in the bag....

I am very hurt, AIBU?

Its not about you spending less .. or them spending more..

its about you buying something you think your family will like and use and vice versa

I only have 1 nephew and we spoil him rotten xmas and birthdays.. as we like to see his face light up

when we had ds that took my sister in law up to 4 nieces and nephews. She called me and aked did I want to set a spending limit. I said if thats what she wanted then fine no bother.. but I didnt mind spending a bit more as my nephew is an only compared to her 4.

fwiw, for one of my nephews xmas presents last year i bought him a pack of soldiers from poundland. he loved them far more than the scooter or lego!

YAB completely unreasonable. £50 is a lot for most people. If you can afford it, lucky you, but to expect the same is not OK. Haven't you heard it's the thought that counts.

There seems to be a lot of wind up threads today

Sorry that this has provoked such a bad response!

I am honestly not shallow, and do not "give to receive". I have been brought up in a very generous family and my partner's family are just different I guess. I like to spend £50 as it's a nice round number and allows me to get something that I think they really like or need.

I'm maybe more upset that the present was jointly bought between inlaw and sis in law as inlaws have no idea what I like, do for a living and am interested in so they have NO IDEA what to buy me. I think it's actually the level of effort that I am peeved about.

Why are you all buying each other presents anyway? How extraordinary!

And you claim you aren't taking the piss? How even more extraordinary!

You live in a bizarre little world.

Do I need to say it?

YABU.

@getabloodygrip.... birthdays and christmas... it's tradtional...

It doesn't make any sense anyway. You got a present from your inlaws and your sister - or did they both spend the same ammount and both leave reciepts in the bag ?

Agree with what everyone else has said, not going to repeat.

On another note, I do consider £35 to be similar to £50. If they'd spent £1 on you, maybe I'd agree with you (although as others have said, it's more about the meaning, thought and how much you can afford).
If they'd found you something lovely for £35, should they have bought you 15 £1 items? What a waste that would have been...

We aim to send a card and usually a bottle of wine or box of chocolates. Would not spend £50 on a present unless it was a special birthday and it was something they would love.

definitely BU!

You should be grateful you received a gift at all!

@ MrsDoofenshmirtz - present was from my inlaws bought jointly sister inlaw. they carelessly left the receipt in the bag

YABVVVVU

Just because they spend less doesn't make them less generous. What an odd thing for a grown up to think

Tbh I'd expect this crap from my teenage brother and sister, not an adult...

Christmas, ok, close family. Still, no price guide should be applied! And it is not compulsory anyway.

Birthdays - your partner, your children or children in your family, perhaps. But everyone else???? Just all a bit too much present giving. Too much emphasis on the material goods.

Take them out for a drink, or lunch, have a family meal at home or do something fun and nice as a family rather than worrying about such petty patheticnesses as the price of a gift.

Get to know them a bit better, that is the better gift. You complain they don't know you, all they see if your gifts and how well off you are trying to show you are. Think about the person and your relationships, not the thing, you are absurdly materialistic.

maybe they left the receipt in the bag in case you wanted to return it?

I do think £50 is way OTT for an adult's birthday.

£50 is the kind of sum I would spend on a big number birthday, on a child, or on my partner. I would be highly embarrassed if one of my inlaws gave me a £50 present.

So, you still expect your in laws to spend fifty quid on you even though they don't know what to get you? What a waste!

And I don't think that assigning an amount to a person is thinking about them at all; one year a present of a fiver might be JUST what they need, another something a bit more pricey. I come from a relatively affluent and generous family, but this year what I REALLY wanted for by birthday was a mixing bowl and was delighted with it, although I know my mum could have easily spent more on me financially. Every time I cook using it I will think of her - that's what is special. And that is the kind of point that you are missing.

wind up

ignore, folks

OMG! Seriously?!

Surely the idea of gifts is to get something that you genuinely believe the recipient would like to recieve, whether it costs £1 or £1000.

Also, consider that others may not be able to afford what you can afford, and thought goes A LOT further than cash EVERY TIME!

My inlaws spend lots on Christmas - no way can we spend what they do with a third child on the way, one income and a very small house which we are outgrowing. Added to which my family is twice the size of DPs and if I had to treat everyone fairly I'd be broke. One year we decided only to get the GPs token biscuit tins etc and GMIL had a go at us via MIL as she had been more generous to us. What she forgets is that I have 3 living GPs whereas she is the only one on DPs side. I have my budget - it is the same every year and if people want to spend more on me that is up to them.

Do you want to add me to your xmas list?

We set a budget, but that's mainly so that those who cannot afford to spend between £50 and £100 on birthday and xmas pressies (namely me) don't feel left out.

Our budget tends to be about £20 per person, which is still a lot, iyam

OK all, I will try to be a little less precious.

I will also rethink what I'm spending and whether we buy presents for the adults in the family from now on.

We are the least well off branch of our family. We hate buying presents. We are always made to feel inadequate, although we end up on the bread line every January. This year they can all get stuffed. You are unreasonable and unpleasant. Get a life!

If this bothers you why not just agree with family NOT to buy each other birthday presents? We only do big numbers in my family and it's much easier, who really needs a mound of presents once you get to the age when you can buy your own crap anyway?