Not Really AIBU but amusing twist on old favourite: Disabled/Baby Change Loos

[QueenSconetta]

I know its quite a regular topic here, and I myself have moaned complained whined discussed parents using a disabled toilets with their children.

The other day I was a supermarket in a different town and was quite amused to see all the old ladies going into the baby change room cos it was big enough to fit their trollies in! I did wonder how they got on with using the mini toilet though

One can never win this one me thinks.

Sorry Pag- not meaning I don't have the ability to discuss with you- I have already made my point and see no further discussion necessary. Sorry if I haven't been won round by your arguments and abandoned my opinions in favour of yours if that is what you mean.

I notice that the 'thou shalt not use the disabled loos unless you are disabled' brigade still haven't answered the question 'If, as is fairly common, the baby change facilities are to be found in the disabled loo, who gets priority?' In fact, in a few places I've been, the breastfeeding area has been located in the disabled loo . I never used it, but if someone who wasn't happy breastfeeding in public used it, the loo would be out of action perhaps for up to half an hour. Is that wrong too? It's where she was told to go...

It's a joke. Disabled people expect tolerance and understanding, and yet display neither for mums who nip into empty disabled loos, probably feeling guilty the whole time, so that they can keep an eye on their child.

My daughter has such severe separation issues at the moment, that if I went into a cubicle and left her in the buggy outside she would probably scream till she was sick by the time I came out. Thanks, but I prefer not to have to clear up vomit just because someone has decreed I must not dare darken the doors of the disabled loo.

Galena The disabled person does of course why would you need to ask that question? surely its obvious? after all the child that need changing is sat there in a nappy a few minutes wait is not going to matter, surely!.

Have to say i have never seen a feeding room in a disabled toilet.

Galena
How old is your DD? I took my DC into the cubicle with me as soon as they could stand if they were a bit clingy (which tbh was not often).

The problem is not that you nip in to the empty disabled loo to have a quick wee, but the fact that if everyone did that then the great advantage for disabled people - a loo that is reserved for them would no longer be of any use.

Putting BF and disabled toilets together is, IMO, disgusting and should not be done. You would not eat in a loo, why should a BF child have to?

Ds looks 'normal', but he soils himself and needs to be cleaned up and change of clothes. There is not enough room in the normal sized toilets.

But we only use the disabled toilets for this purpose, the rest of the time we use general toilets.

When my other 2 non disabled ds's were younger and needed to go, the minute they needed to go and couldnt hold on for 1 minute, i carried a potty with us.

John Lewis near us have a couple of disabled toilets, ordinary toilets, a baby room for changing on one side, feeding on the other with a nice drinking water dispenser AND a big parent and child toilet with a normal sized loo and mini one for the child, 2 sinks at different levels and the same for the hand driers.

I loooooooooooove John Lewis. There should be a distinction like this for all toilets IMO.

Personally, if queueing for the baby change/disabled loo combo, I would always invite a disabled person to go ahead of me. In this situation I would presume someone who did not appear to be disabled to have a genuine need to use the facility because they probably wouldn't bother queuing if they didn't.

When using the baby change/disabled loo combo I try to be as quick as possible, mainly out of courtesy and in case someone with a genuine need to use the facility in a hurry is waiting, however slim the chance of this may be.

I've never come across a BF area in a disabled toilet, and think this is hugely inappropriate, although not the fault of anyone who requires to use it.

John Lewis have it spot on.

But Galena,
plenty of disabled people ARE mums.
And all disabled people HAVE mums.

So you kind of get to see both sides and decide, don't you?

(Should be ...are parents, and have parents. I know. But the queue for the men's tends to be shorter anyway.)

3cutedarlings, see, I'm not sure if I agree, personally. Why should a disabled person, who yes, MAY have a bowel problem, but actually may be as capable of holding on as most people, go ahead of a baby who may have dreadful nappy rash, meaning that a few minutes delay in changing the nappy will cause great discomfort and further distress? It's not purely a disabled loo - it's also the area set aside for baby changing, so both have equal RIGHT to be there. It's really not that cut and dried.

And MmeLindt, DD is 16 months but as she was born so prem is not yet standing so I couldn't take her into the cubicle with me - once she is, I have no problem with that, but right now she's not.

The bf area in disabled loo was at a motorway service station (can't remember which one) - grim, grim, grim!

I would say first come first served if baby changing and disabled are in the same cubilcle.

Done so well staying away and just tempted back to tell Runaway about my BIL who is 30, fit as anything, and needs the loo facillities in disabled to empty his colostomoy bag (severe ulcerative collitis)

Even before we get to ds1 when on a meltdown watch and simply unable to be left (ASD, pushing 11 so won't dfo lafies and if he did there'd be a thread here on it)

Shall repeat the usual and bugger off until my Friday allotted MN time:

You shouldnt uyse disbaled loo unless you ahve to

You can;t tell who is disabled by looking

It has to come down to trust

And setting our own moral standards to stick by

See ya!

You're right Galena, that is grim beyond belief.

I interpret these toilets as "accessible toilets" rather than "toilets for the exclusive use of people with disabilities". So rather different to disabled parking spaces.

I have no issues with people using them when they have buggies etc but would hope that they would give priority to those more in need of them. But then greater need isn't always visible so I guess common courtesy would need to be applied, but many people sadly lack manners and common sense.

I think it's also a factor as to whether it's a separate toilet or integrated into other toilet facilities. If a person was using a separate facility inappropriately then it seems more inconsiderate.

In the case of nappy rash Galena i would wheel my LO into the normal toilets lay the buggy back and change them there and let the disabled person go before me. Have to say i think you are just coming up with a load a bullshit reasons as to why a normal child/person comes first!, very petty IMO.

wcgrime cant say im surprised that's your opinion tbh.

I agree with 3cutedarlings.

I can change a stinky nappy anywhere, a disabled person has no alternative.

3cutedarlings I am not coming up with bullshit reasons why the normal child comes first. Generally I try to avoid using the disabled toilets. However, I am trying to point out to you that there are times when it's NOT as cut and dried as you are trying to make out. When the baby change facilities are provided I will use them. If they are in disabled loos I will still use them. If you have a problem with that, then too bad. I'm not the petty one here.

i argee with galena

Thanks Vinegar. I think what annoys me is the completely blinkered attitudes some people have - there's no 'give and take', it's a case of 'I'm right and everyone else must do as I say'.

Galena When did i say you should not use them? I said the disabled person comes first, after all we dont know there needs are! but a parent/carer with a child in a nappies it's fairly obvious what there needs are. Now if thats petty i apologise, but i think its just good manners!!

accesible toilets imo are like the joint disabled/p&T bays, (hate them)
disabled people or parents can use them iynwim
a disabled toilet is for disabled people and only they should use them.
I must admit I do not "get" these parents who can't "mange" without them,
I have a foot in both camps as ds is nt and dd is disabled.
strangely I managed to bring ds up without ever using a disabled toilet.

Rather than blaming Mums and Dads who use disabled toilets (often clearly marked with baby changing also), should we not blaming the shops, restaurants, train stations etc... that do not provide adequate facilities instead.
I will use these toilets, obviously not pushing in front of a disabled person, but if it's empty I'm using it.
As to leaving a baby outside the cubicle, are you joking! That's nuts!

DS1 can't queue. He can (after many many years of practice) wait about 30 seconds for a closed toilet door to open. After time's up he starts screaming and shouting and hitting and biting himself. If he's particularly upset he will hit the wall with his head.

I try to use the disabled toilet as he's 11 now (he can't go to the toilet himself) but if it's full then we use the ladies. No doubt we are approaching the age when someone will start whinging about that.

If we're on the receiving end of someone's whinging about him being in the ladies because the disabled toilet is full because someone disabled is using it, well whatever, that's life. Ditto if it's a baby change facility as well. But if it's because someone's decided that 'disabled people can wait' well to you and don't you ever dare complain if you find my son in the ladies with me.