Not Really AIBU but amusing twist on old favourite: Disabled/Baby Change Loos

[QueenSconetta]

I know its quite a regular topic here, and I myself have moaned complained whined discussed parents using a disabled toilets with their children.

The other day I was a supermarket in a different town and was quite amused to see all the old ladies going into the baby change room cos it was big enough to fit their trollies in! I did wonder how they got on with using the mini toilet though

One can never win this one me thinks.

I don't see a moral problem with it if I'm honest. I take something like thirty seconds all in to pee and get out - I can usually see if there's somebody else approaching who might need the spare loo in that time.

I don't agree with people who use public loos with big queues to change their outfits, do their hair or whatever the feck they're doing in there. It annoys me greatly - do your business and get out, I say. Ditto in shop changing rooms.

I wouldn't settle into a disabled loo and start rearranging all my shopping bags, making phone calls etc. But for a rapid wee when I'm desparate for one, no problem imo.

'Maybe having a disability or a child with a disability has given some of you a distorted view of the world.'

bloody hell Chipshop, that's a bit offensive. People who actually have children who use wheelchairs surely have a better idea than you of whether people with ever get prevented from using the wheelchair space by people with buggies - they're the ones who experience it, after all
If someone has different experience from you it's not for you to tell them their view of the world is distorted - maybe you're the one with the distorted view! Just cos you've never seen it doesn't mean it doesn't happen you know.

Ding, ding, round 20. Thread has gone full circle about 20 times now.

Someone will be along any minute now to ask "why shouldnt disabled people queue like the rest of us"

Shall we all put our boxing gloves away now and leave it to them?

Seth- you read it wrong- I said I had never seen it, not that I didn't believe it happened.

And the distorted view bit was relating to how they believe other mums should behave, I was invalidating not their own experiences.

LOL side tracking and back stepping is your specialty chip.

Chip wasn't side-tracking or back-stepping. Chip and MorrisZapp are making valid points.

One side thinks they can use an unused toilet if the need arises and if no-one else is waiting or in sight, (and that this doesn't invalidate the primary reason for the toilet existing or its primary users having first dibs if they are present); and the other side thinks there is a moral case that these toilets should never be used by anyone other than the extremely needy, whether that is disabled needs, other health and mental needs or parenting needs.

I don't think one side is more moral than the other.

That's about it, DandyDan.

I realise that all I have done is come along and say what everybody else on 'my side' has said many times already, and that it has now become circular. I apologise for that.

I guess that on these 'issue' type threads both sides are essentially making the same points over and over.

2shoes, you said "i reckon we should have a hijack a mummies stuff day
we can all go an use the stuff mummies love so much, the accessible toilets(well it is easier you know)
the P&T bays(well we have kids)
and sit in their seats on the busses"- why the vitriol?

very little carrot- a good point. As for mums and pushchairs in toilets/on buses. The notice on buses says wheelchairs have priority. Therefore if a wheelchair user is on the bus I wait for the next one. If someone with limited mobility wants to get on a bus I am occupying, I will get off the bus. This does not mean I should not ride on buses with a pushchair or even use a pushchair. This does not mean I am selfish. this does not mean I think my needs come first. FWIW, I used a sling until my son gave me backache and breathing trouble at 20lbs.

There's a lot of aggression on here towards mums with pushchairs. There's no need for it. We are not the enemy. I have never seen such vitriol on a thread before.

I don't use disabled toilets because I am lazy,or because there's a queue. I occasionaly use them if they are empty, I am struggling with heavy shopping and both DCs are with me. I always surrender my place in any queue. Otherwise, I don't use them at all.

I don't think my needs are more important than those with SN or disabilities or medical conditions.

I don't think I take priority over disabled people on buses.

The hostility on here is breathtaking. Just because your needs are greater, does not mean that nobody else is allowed to ever have any other needs or conveniences of their own.

Same here in Edinburgh. There is no issue with who gets the wheelchair space on buses - there is a big sign saying it MUST be vacated for a wheelchair user. It's hardly ambiguous.

-I find the sense of entitlement to use facility's not allocated to you(as in non disabled using disabled toilets) shocking,-

2shoes I agree with you. I have a physically disabled son who is a wheelchair user.
Once a week he has a swimming lesson at the local public pool alongside other able bodied children.
He is the only disabled child having a swimming lesson on that day at that time. The pool will only allow one special needs pupil in the pool at a time for health and safety reasons.

There is one changing room with disabled facilities, the other changing cubicles are too small and the family cubicles have doors that are too narrow to fit his wheelchair through.

There is another family who have 4 children and are at the pool at the same time as us each week. 2 of their children swim in the slot before my son and 2 swim in the same slot.
This family takes over the disabled changing room every week preventing us from using it. They leave their belongings in it to "reserve" it and then when their first children come out of lessons they take 20 or so minutes to get them ready. The disabled room has a shower in it so they make sure they get their use from it all.

My son therefore is reduced to changing under a towel in the corridor because there is nowhere for him to use.

We have this every week, yes I have complained but the attitude of the management is a lot like the attitude of some on here - "So what - that family is accessing a facility, they are not doing any real harm, maybe they have an unseen disability?" etc...

I spoke to the mum about it and she said "I do have 4 children you know" As if that then gave her the right to do as she pleases

It is clear that none of them have a disability that would prevent them using the family cubicles or the individual ones.
My son would love to be able to walk into the baths, get changed independently on his own and join his lesson. He'd love to not need the special disabled changing room.

People who use these facilities when they have no need to are being selfish and inconsiderate.

bloody hell, do you not complain and get them moved?

oh Angel that is awful. I mean my son is disabled but if we were there with you I would use the family cubicle obviously because we could.

Management need to grow a pair. A stroppy letter to them maybe setting out the situation? It's not fair that your son has to get changed in the corridor.

hey Morris

I want to love your precis but can't quite

The thread has included quite a lot of attempts by posters trying to explain why, if the disabled toilet is being used when they arrive that, in itself, can cause problems.
Very hard to get your head around when it isn't part of your daily plan - I absoloutely understand that.
But posters trying to explain that seemed only to provoke tit for tat 'but what if me pet dog had shat inside my DDs welly and she was frightened and exposed to infection....' type replies.

But I admire your peeing with the door open and in a 30 second burst in order to try and be helpful. You must have a bladder like an electric accordion ..

So can someone tell me the % of non disabled versus disabled using the disabled loos? If it's 90% non-disabled I'll just go ahead and let ds1 hammer on the door when he's decided he's waited long enough and not subject the Ladies to a pre-teen. I've always moved him away in fear of upsetting someone who might have no choice but to be slower in the toilet.

2shoes and saintly,

I have complained until I'm blue in the face it makes no difference. The fact is each week she gets there first (I work so can't arrive extra early) and she is ensconced there for the duration.

My son can't change days or times because he need a teacher who can only be there on that day and time.

The pool have suggested that maybe things will change when the children move up the groups later in the year.

I have been told by the pool that they can't ask her to leave a changing room because that would be unfair.

AngelHMum that's awful!

sorry but that is so wrong
I think that high lights how selfish some people can be.

It just epitomises some of the attitudes seen thus far on this depressing thread.

Can you threaten them with the DDA? (ie say they're arrangements are not working so your son has no suitable place to change with affects his access).

The selfishness of some people just never ceases to amaze me.

Name and shame them AngelHMum there may be some stroppy articulate MNers who use that pool.

Angel that's terrible - firstly she's being selfish, secondly the pool are being rubbish. Any chance you could move her stuff and say 'Sorry but I need to use it too so we will need to share'? (never as easy to do that kind of thing in real life as in theory though I know....)

I would be tempted to move her stuff into a pile outside the door if you can. Or just use the cubicle with the stuff in there and get it wet.

saintlydamemrsturnip is right, just use the place, the woman has no right to do that.