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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not Really AIBU but amusing twist on old favourite: Disabled/Baby Change Loos

561 replies

QueenSconetta · 05/09/2010 09:32

I know its quite a regular topic here, and I myself have moaned complained whined discussed parents using a disabled toilets with their children.

The other day I was a supermarket in a different town and was quite amused to see all the old ladies going into the baby change room cos it was big enough to fit their trollies in! I did wonder how they got on with using the mini toilet though Smile

One can never win this one me thinks.

Grin
OP posts:
tallwivglasses · 07/09/2010 15:59

Blimey, attitudes on this thread seem to have taken a turn for the worst...

Anyway, in response to: "Some of the non SN-board MNetters do understand and support your concerns. I am sure for those who post there are other lurkers out there nodding their heads in agreement."

Mmelindt - I wasn't refering to posters like you - you're allies, and judging by some of the recent disablist posts here, we need all the allies we can get!

I've enjoyed your posts. Thanks for sticking up for us!

JodiesMummy · 07/09/2010 16:07

You are all nuts! I am not winding anyone up, my "NT" Child (dont really know why anyone needs to label) is perfectly capable of waiting to use the normal toilet and I cant recall an occasion when I have actually used a disabled toilet myself, but I was saying in principle, if there is a disabled toilet vaccant and nobody else was using it, I would use it. And in doing so would not be actively discriminating against anyone. Just using the loo. So there!

SanctiMoanyArse · 07/09/2010 16:07

I always take 2.5 year old ds4 in with me, its not ahrd to manage.

DS3 unlocks the doors, licks the walls 9and toilet bowl if I don't cath him fast enough)

here's a short salutaory tale as to why my ds3 doesn't ever get left outside a loo as I wee.

On a camping trip this eyar we let him in the toilet whilst outside to dry his wet trousers under a dryer. He got out the back fire dor, and was found on a rock having been washed downstream in a white water river used the next day for kayaking. The person who found him was my other SN son who ahd also skipped out the bloody fire door: neither thought to call to the very many nearby tents for help due to their ASD.

In one short sharp moment I could have lost two sons. They are hot babies, they are 7 and almsot 11. I thought they were safe with one exit and entrance and didn;t bother with the radar key. Like buggery will I do that again!

DS2 OTOH at 9 was allowed to the aprk and to the toilets alone without a shot because who would WANT to enforce a lack of freedom on their child?

As for the two kids / sueprvised etc, i;d never ever leave a small toddler in their buggy unwatched. So I always took them in with me. I would risk losing a buggy but never a child. I've never needed to use an exclusive disability toilet and disability / M&B ones are not an issue wrt this as they are M&B/disdability toilets 9though I suspect they ahve a lot to answer for in terms of aprents oft assuming theya re dual purpose then upsetting waiting disabled people)

JodiesMummy · 07/09/2010 16:16

LOL at your Hot Babies! Im sure they are SMA :)

SanctiMoanyArse · 07/09/2010 16:17

Oh they are indeed,

Theya re also Not babies of course

argh

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 07/09/2010 16:22

JodiesMummy - do you not understand that you would be discriminating against someone, because whilst you and your child are in the disabled loo, someone who really needs it because of their disability or condition might come along.

If, for example, there was a queue in the Ladies, and I had one of my sudden, unexpected bouts of torrential diarrhoea, you and your dc might come out of the disabled loo to find that because I couldn't get to the loo in time, I have soiled myself, and not just a bit in my knickers, but it would be everywhere, and I would be in tears, beside myself with mortification and embarrassment. Or Pag's ds might be having a total meltdown because you were using the loo. I bet you'd rush past us both, doing your best to ignore the trouble you'd caused.

And you could have avoided causing all this upset and grief just by being willing to queue for the loo for a few minutes.

How hard is it to understand that facilities like these for the disabled are few and far between, and have been hard-fought-for. You can queue with your child, and there's nothing stopping you using the ordinary loos - so why on earth do you feel this huge sense of entitlement to use something that you don't need but someone else may well do??

Go and read some of Riven's posts about the difficulties of living with a disabled child. She hasn't been able to take her child out and about on visits to museums, theme parks, attractions etc during the holidays, because if her dd needs changing, she CANNOT change her without going home (which, as someone has said, may mean waiting for three different buses, because the driver won't put the ramp down, or the bus isn't accessible, or some entitled mum has her buggy in the wheelchair space and refuses to collapse it.

Look at some of the stories on this thread, and then ask yourself if your conscience will let you risk making their lives any harder.

JodiesMummy · 07/09/2010 16:27

As I have said SDTG - if there was a disabled person using the toilet or waiting to, I wouldnt use it. Stop splitting hairs.

Claw3 · 07/09/2010 16:32

Jodiesmum - So if you are using the disabled toilet and my ds poos himself because you are using it, that wouldnt worry you?

or if i had to take him into the waiting area of the ladies loo, to strip, clean and change him, because you are using the disabled toilet that wouldnt worry you?

emmyloulou · 07/09/2010 16:35

This thread is hilarious in a bad way. Recently had parents of NT, children up in arms about SN children having to use "normal" facilities, as there was not adequate facilites in leisure centres.

So can people now see why, special needs kids have to use "normal" changing rooms inappropriate to their gender, same with toilets as people who don't need the disabled facilities if there are minimal ones, block them up, so only youselves to blame :)

The old no-one needed it at the time argument is one that comes up a lot with changing rooms as per that thread so you end up with SN kids in the normal changing rooms which may not be gender appropriate.

Oh and op not all disabilities are visible, I am sure that has been mentioned 100's of times in this thread.

emmyloulou · 07/09/2010 16:36

*there were not

MmeLindt · 07/09/2010 16:38

What is SMA?

unfitmother · 07/09/2010 16:39

"if there was a disabled person using the toilet or waiting to, I wouldnt use it"

How the fuck do you know if there is someone wanting to use it if in you're in there, with the door shut? Hmm

Floois · 07/09/2010 16:42

Why shouldn't a disabled person have to wait to use a toilet just like a non-disabled person may have to?

Claw3 · 07/09/2010 16:43

For all the reasons already stated 1000's times throughout the thread.

SanctiMoanyArse · 07/09/2010 16:45

SMA is me

(poster formerly known as Peachy)

unfitmother · 07/09/2010 16:45

Oh for fucks sake, I could weep. What a stupid fucking question.

Claw3 · 07/09/2010 16:45

"if there was a disabled person using the toilet, i wouldnt use it"

You dont say!

SanctiMoanyArse · 07/09/2010 16:46

I am a definite WILMA I think

(Why I Left Mumsnet (Almost- I pop back but rarely))

Becuase giving cowards the abilkity to namechange + inability to recognise that posts amde in desperation / sadness / exhaustion = negative empathy

SanctiMoanyArse · 07/09/2010 16:47

Oh wrongt hread

(toddler sat on my head biting my hair PMSL)

but I am sure most people are aware of The Other Thread it was destined for

SauvignonBlanche · 07/09/2010 16:48

Floois please tell me you're being ironic, I fear I've lost my sense of humour.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 07/09/2010 16:50

JodiesMummy - I said "do you not understand that you would be discriminating against someone, because whilst you and your child are in the disabled loo, someone who really needs it because of their disability or condition might come along" - not that they were already there - there's a big difference.

If you have gone into the disabled loo, and whilst you are in there, I come along with my horrendous IBS bout of diarrhoea, or Pag's son has his meltdown because he can't go to the loo, or Claw's ds poos himself because he can't wait AND YOU ARE ALREADY IN THE LOO then you have caused a huge problem because you didn't want to queue.

I'm not saying you'd be doing it on purpose, or that you should look in a crystal ball and see if someone is genuinely going to need the disabled loo - what I am saying is because you can't know if someone with a genuine need is going to arrive just after you've locked the door, and might end up in some really unpleasant or unhappy state because they can't use the disabled loo, then you shouldn't use the disabled loo just so that you don't have to bother queuing for a few minutes.

Greenshadow · 07/09/2010 16:50

Agree with Jodies Mummy to some extend - but it does depend on location/circumstances.
My boss who has spend 30 or so years working with all sorts of community groups, many special needs, has always said that she believes they are there to make it easier for the disabled who can't ue other loos. They are not there only for the disabled.

Where we work is a small office/hall with one ladies wc, one mens wc and a disabled one. If only disabled people used the latter, it would be used once in a blue moon, so everyone uses it when necessary.

Now I do agree that doesn't necessarally apply to all situations, but don't dismiss it out of hand.

LilyBolero · 07/09/2010 16:54

I said this earlier, but the thing that would solve ALL these problems would be solved by unisex family rooms with toilets and changing facilities.

There are one or two insurmountable difficulties which aren't currently catered for - what would you suggest a father should do if his 3 or 4 year old dd needed a wee? He can't go in the ladies, she probably can't go in on her own, he can't really take her in the gents - what are their options? Dh hardly ever took dd out without me because of this (she is old enough now to go on her own), and a family room would absolutely solve the problem.

Claw3 · 07/09/2010 16:58

Green, are these toilets public toilets or used only for employees?

MmeLindt · 07/09/2010 17:04

Ha. It was this:

"LOL at your Hot Babies! Im sure they are SMA"

I thought it meant, "I'm sure they are S..M..A.." and was trying to work it out.

SMAshing

StunninglyMarvellousAngels

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