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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not Really AIBU but amusing twist on old favourite: Disabled/Baby Change Loos

561 replies

QueenSconetta · 05/09/2010 09:32

I know its quite a regular topic here, and I myself have moaned complained whined discussed parents using a disabled toilets with their children.

The other day I was a supermarket in a different town and was quite amused to see all the old ladies going into the baby change room cos it was big enough to fit their trollies in! I did wonder how they got on with using the mini toilet though Smile

One can never win this one me thinks.

Grin
OP posts:
NestaFiesta · 07/09/2010 13:26

2shoes, I am a "selfish" poster who occasionally uses an empty disabled toilet. I simply don't try on clothes if I have DCs with me. I don't buy petrol as I don't run a car. The rest of the time we are together with me watching them. I basically don't leave them unattended in public. I'm not scared of paedophiles, but my 4yo could wander off/climb on something and my 9 mo might get upset if he can't see me.

I am not pushing a disabled person out of the way or saying that I should come first. I am briefly using an empty toilet for a few minutes at nobody's expense.

Honestly I live in a small town and the shops are quiet on weekdays and almost deserted on the handful of times a year I have used empty queueless disabled toilets. its not because I don't want to queue, Its because I don't want to pee with the door open whilst hovering and supervising 2 DCs. I often have shopping so need to balance the buggy with one hand whislt I pee. If there is a queue outside the disabled toilets, I leave them to it assuming they need it more. If there is nobody around or coming towards me then I will use a disabled toilet. Just because others have greater needs than me doesn't mean I am not allowed to have any smaller needs myself.

If I am alone or Dh is with me, or its just me and DC1, then I wouldn't use it.

MmeLindt · 07/09/2010 13:28

JodiesMummy
I suggest you read the thread and see what the mothers of children with SN are saying on this topic. (some of whom probably do not have a blue badge, as they do not hand them out willynilly)

It is not about a sense of entitlement, it is a matter of needs

My needs, as a mum with 2 NT children are not the same as the needs of a mother of a child with SN.

I do not NEED to take my child into the loo with me.

I do not NEED specially adapted toilets that are larger and have handholds.

It is quite handy to have a larger loo, which is why the family loos are great but I do not NEED it to be able to plan a day out.

What did women with prams do before there were disabled loos?

JodiesMummy · 07/09/2010 13:28

Yep Mum of 3 - its JUST a toilet - what matters? If people need it bad enough they will use it. You cannot sanction public facilities, people WILL use them anyway!

Nobody here is saying they would stop a disabled person from using a disabled toilet are they?

MmeLindt · 07/09/2010 13:29

Jodie
I am neither disabled, entitled nor a twat with my head up my arse.

You however...

JodiesMummy · 07/09/2010 13:30

I DONT TAKE MY PRAM INTO DISABLED LOOS.

I DONT NEED A PRAM ANYWAY!

I was just saying, that if the toilet is free, what is the problem? If there was a wheelchairuser or other such disabled person waiting, of course I would wait or use another loo.

StarlightMcKenzie · 07/09/2010 13:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

3cutedarlings · 07/09/2010 13:38

The problem is that while you in there, someone with greater need than your my be needing it!!

Oh FFS i give up!! to many ignorant twats here Hmm

Have a look at my pics would you know that one of the children has a disability? if i walked towards you with my 3DC you wouldnt have a clue that my DDs need are much much greater than your own!!

Claw3 · 07/09/2010 13:38

Jodiesmum - "but would you really have a HUGE strop if a harassed mum with multiple tots nipped in the disabled loo?"

Yes i would, if my nearly 7 year old disabled ds, shit himself as he has limited sensory awareness around toileting and he had to wait outside while a person who didnt need to use the disabled toilet used it.

Perhaps you would prefer if i stripped off, cleaned and changed a 7 year old boys shitty arse in the waiting area of the ladies loo?

2shoes · 07/09/2010 13:40

i have very rarely used a disabled toilet with dd(who is disabled) obviously I would if she needed to,
I cannot believe the jealousy on here, crazy.

I asked how parents manage to do other things where they might have to take their eyes of their children, sorry I cannot believe anyone watches their kids 24/7, yet they have to for the Minuit it takes to wee............

2shoes · 07/09/2010 13:41

oh an before I go back to rl for neighbors,
people choose to have children they don't choose to be disabled.

MmeLindt · 07/09/2010 13:42

Jodie
I do believe you are on a wind up mission today. I am not going to continue engaging with you and I would advise the others to do the same.

sarah293 · 07/09/2010 13:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

pagwatch · 07/09/2010 13:44

Fizzy

I was completely and totally agreeing with you.

hidetheelephant · 07/09/2010 14:02

Riven

Do you not use the disabled loo to change DD? DS still wears nappies sometimes and at 4 is too big for the table now so I have to use a mat on the floor, but I use the disabled loo to do this as there is hardly any room to do so in the ladies loo. Do you think this is a valid reason to use the disabled loo? If I were to need the loo at the same time would it be OK to go in there or should I go seperately to the ladies?

saintlydamemrsturnip · 07/09/2010 14:12

Why are you hassling riven? She has already explained that she needs a hoist to change her dd.

When my autistic ds1 was in nappies at 4 we used pull ups so he didn't have to lie down for a quick change.

saintlydamemrsturnip · 07/09/2010 14:20

Jodiesmum - as explained repeatedly if the disabled toilet is full I wait as long as my 11 year old son will. When he starts hitting himself and bashing the door I take him into the Ladies. If someone then had a go at us for being in the Ladies I might have a strop then but I don't have a strop if the disabled toilet is in use.

If I found out that it was being used by someone too lazy to queue (rather than unable to) then I would think they were a selfish git.

I do have 2 neurotypical children as well - I really don't know how some make such a meal out of raising NT kids. It's easy to get out and about with NT kids. It really is - it's even easy if you leave the disabled facilities alone. Enjoy how easy it is. I do when I'm out with my younger two.

Claw3 · 07/09/2010 14:20

"Dear abled/non-disabled

I don?t care if you want to use the disabled toilet ?because it?s so convenient.?

I don?t care if you only ?need? to use the facility ?just for a minute.?

I especially don?t care if you back up your use of disabled facilities with some bizarre justification like, "the queues for the ladies are too long? or ?Well, if a disabled person shows up, they can go in front of me? or ?But there isn?t anyone disabled who needs to use it here right now, so what?s the harm??

The harm is that you are taking advantage of something that is not for you. I don?t need your entitlement complex and your basically telling me ? a person with disabilities ? that some of the regulations intended to benefit me and people like me are rules that can be bent by you if it?s the most convenient option for you, an able(d) person.

Just don?t do it. It is not intended to benefit you, or be a convenient thing that you can take advantage of when you feel like it. Most of the world is already set up for you"

Sums it pretty well.

sarah293 · 07/09/2010 14:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

hidetheelephant · 07/09/2010 14:43

Thankyou Riven I hope you can see I wasn't trying to hassle you?

Some people on here have mentioned they need to use the disabled loo as the carer of a child with learning difficulties because they need to be supervised all the time. Do physically disabled people or parents of physically disabled people agree with that or not? The same could be said about young children needing supervision all the time (obviously if not in a pushchair, they couldn't get up too much if they were restrained in a pushchair)

hidetheelephant · 07/09/2010 14:53

Thankyou Riven I hope you can see I wasn't trying to hassle you.

Some people on here have mentioned they need to use the disabled loo as the carer of a child with learning difficulties because they need to be supervised all the time. Do physically disabled people or parents of physically disabled people agree with that or not? The same could be said about young children needing supervision all the time (obviously if not in a pushchair, they couldn't get up too much if they were restrained in a pushchair)

pagwatch · 07/09/2010 15:17

actually I think some have said that it is because a child with SN may not be able to cope with the stress of waiting for a usual loo.
Or ( like me) many people would be Hmm if I/they tried to bring nearly 14 year old son in ladies with me.

So not really like a young child at all

hidetheelephant · 07/09/2010 15:22

But if you have a 4 year old with learning difficulties who needs to be supervised and a NT 4 year old who needs to be supervised, the reasons for the parent wanting to use the disabled toilet are the same. Both could squeeze into the ladies cubicle if they wanted to. So basically what I am saying is it wrong for both to use the disabled loo? Or if it is OK for the one with learning difficulties to use it, then why not the NT one when their reasons for it are the same.

saintlydamemrsturnip · 07/09/2010 15:26

I always used the ladies when my learning disabled son was 4. We use the disabled toilet (if available) now he's 11.

pagwatch · 07/09/2010 15:28

Umm - Are you struggling with understanding this?

I said that this is NOT about supervision ( or certainly was not with my DS)

It was about his disability making queueing impossible for him. And about his needing my help and being unable to go into the ladies once he was older.

DD aged 4 was both perfectly capeable of using the loo on her own but, if need be, was able to come in with me

SauvignonBlanche · 07/09/2010 15:42

Why would an NT 4yr old need to be supervised to such an extent that they had to use a disabled facility? It doesn't make sense.

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