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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

ear piercing for young children

297 replies

fumanchu · 01/09/2010 08:38

I was disturbed to overhear in Claire's Accessories yesterday a mum trying to persaude her obviously distressed child to have her ear(s) pierced, saying it wouldn't hurt. The child was about 6 I think. I wasn't sure if the child had had one done and refused the next, she was crying. The shop staff just stood by. I was tempted to say something but didn't. What do you think? and shouldn't shops have some kind of age policy? personally I think its fine for say 13 yr olds and up and I know Italians for example often have babies' ears pierced but i was very unhappy about the coercion.

OP posts:

ShadeofViolet · 01/09/2010 11:21

You will be flamed more for not being able to spell Gypsies

massivemammaries · 01/09/2010 11:31

People who pierce their childrens' ears should have a stake driven through their hearts. It amounts to child abuse in my opinion and should be outlawed

kreecherlivesupstairs · 01/09/2010 11:33

Just before being staked through the heart, they should have to have a sausage roll enema. Ice cold. Behave massive, other peoples choices aren't yours to judge. Unless you are joking of course. Irony/sarcasm meter is failing at the moment.

varicoseveined · 01/09/2010 11:37

Had my ears pierced when I was 5. Didn't hurt at all [shrug]

Laska · 01/09/2010 11:41

It doesn't bother me especially, but I am at a bit of a loss to understand quite why anyone would want to do this to a young kid (e.g. under 6) and especially to babies and toddlers. These perfect little babies with lovely little ears never make me think, now 'if there were some gold flowers pinned through those ears (s)he'd be just perfect'

giveitago · 01/09/2010 11:46

I had mine done when I was about 3 I think. Obviously my dm's choice not mine.

She's asian - so why is OK for asians when the mum decides and not for anyone else? I'm also English and from a middle class family and my father was also pleased that we'd got the ear piercing out the way when I was young.

I'm glad I had them done then as I'd be scared to do it when older.

massivemammaries · 01/09/2010 11:46

@Kreecher ..... sausage roll enema LMFAO

giveitago · 01/09/2010 11:52

massive - why is it child abuse?

I see what you mean that it's inflicting a hole the ear of a child - but the vast majority of girls want their ears pierced when they are older so you might as well get it out the way when they are little?

I'm assuming these kids have little studs and not great big hoops that get the way of playing?

massivemammaries · 01/09/2010 11:58

@ Giveitago, when they are adults they can choose can't they?

I guess by your logic then, we would be best giving them a few tatoos too?

the vast majority of girls want to have sex when they grow up too, does that mean we should encourage them to do it when they are 6?

the vast majority of girls will drink alcohol when they grow up and probably try a cigarette too.

best to let them try now and "get it out of the way"???

We must allow our kids to be kids for as long as possible and let them make their choices when they are old enough to be accountable for them

giveitago · 01/09/2010 12:08

Well, I'm pleased my folks (white and asian and very middle class) did mine when I was young.

Just wish my mum had got my nose pierced as well as I was very scared when I had my nose done when I was 19.

Ear piercings won't end up in an addiction and neither would you have to spend £££££ in getting an ear piercing removed via a laser - you just take them out and they close over.

I was very much a kid when I had my ears done and remained a kid for a very long time. Having pierced ears did not put me on the path to hell actually.I didn't have cigarette until I was 19 etc. Holes in my ears did not contribute to me losing my childhood. Growing up and getting older did.

electra · 01/09/2010 12:08

Ear piercing does not damage your body in the same way that alcohol does (which it does for adults too), does not have the same health risks as underage sex (cervical cancer for example).

My children still look like children. If others think they look like gypsies it's their prerogative of course. I still don't understand the fuss about it. It's possible to choose nice, tasteful earrings for a child. Personally I think that it's impossible to get stylish earrings that are not for pierced ears.

smallisbeautiful · 01/09/2010 12:11

i was only joking electra, i can't even spell the word as it was kindly pointed out!
I just wouldn't choose it for my daughters however i had mine pierced when I was 5 and ended up allergic to anything but gold, expensive allergy that has most likely been inherited by my girls, so I am going to delay it as long as possible.

giveitago · 01/09/2010 12:22

massive - you and I clearly don't have the same logic.

Ears don't contribute to kids growing up too quickly. Honestly, they don't.

I don't have girls but if I did I'd want them to have their ears pierced young but at the same time I'd be scared for them (as I hate seeing kids scared). But I think I'd do it.

Good on you electra by the way - I had no idea it was a big issue in the UK at all.

In Italy I see very few young girls with ear piercings - but I doubt it's an issue there - probably just the personal choice of the mums. And I'm sure if I'd wanted a daughter of mine to have her ear pierced by the time she was 3 my Italian MIL would have gone mad. My 37 year old sil doesn't have a piercing.

electra · 01/09/2010 12:23

No, it's ok. I think it looks pretty. But I don't have an issue with others thinking differently It does really come down to personal choice. And yes, I accept that I have imposed my choice on them but don't we impose our choices on our children in many ways? For me it's just a decoration. It is (imo) far less invasive than a tattoo.

electra · 01/09/2010 12:24

sorry that was to smallisbeautiful

Itsonme · 01/09/2010 12:31

Pp is right. My DD wanted her ears pierced at 9. I made her wait a while to make sure she was serious. All the while explaining that it would be painful etc. I also made it very clear that if I took her to have them done, both ears were being done. I made it very clear from the outset that it'd hurt, but that there was no way she was going to refuse to have the second ear pierced because the first one hurt. I made the situation and myself very clear for a good while before I agreed to it. She did have a wobble after her first ear was pierced, but fairly instantly got over it. She knew that she had made the decision and I'd given her all the facts (even taken her to the jewellers to see the earrings, the piercing gun etc beforehand)

I'd never have forced her in to getting her ears pierced though, I waited till she asked. I am of the belief though that if kids (old enough to understand) ask for something, and are faced with all the facts, with time to think about them, then they must go through with it. It's how they begin to learn that decisions have consequences. All in all though, she was very pleased with her ears, and the pain was minimal. She is old enough to make sure she turns/cleans them too. I think often the fear of the pain, is worse than the pain.

I do however HATE to see young babies with their ears pierced. I just will never understand that concept. I mean, really, what's the point? Because they look cute? You don't have to inflict pain on a baby just to make them look cute! I personally think it doesn't look cute in one so little anyway, it just looks chavvy! What's the benefit for the baby of having them pierced? I'd only inflict pain where necessary -eg immunisations.

OTTMummA · 01/09/2010 12:36

ummm, no ear piercing doesn't just heal up when you take them out!
I have never liked my ear pierced look, i had no choice as my mum decided to get them done for me when i was 2
I really wish she hadn't, there was no need
She did the same to my sister, born a few yrs after me, and low behold, she had a massive allergic reaction and now has ugly scarred ears as they also got infected.

There is no need, it should be a persons choice to do it when they can rationally choose for themselves.
I am permanently marked, will be for the rest of my life, i don't wear earrings, infact i hardly wear any jewellery, so no, not every girl will want their ears pierced, thats a ridiculous thing to say.

paisleyleaf · 01/09/2010 12:37

I think if the child has to be held still - either physically because they're very very young, or with coercion/bribery when they're a little bit older - then it shouldn't be done.
If the child wants it enough to sit still for it themselves then fine.

OTTMummA · 01/09/2010 12:42

Itsonme makes a good point to, a baby who can not actually want to be shot in the ear so they can have some piece of metal sticking out of it, does not gain anything from it, they suffer the pain, but can't appreciate it as they have no idea what an earring is/is for.
all they know is that mummy has hurt them, and what for? for the sake of what mummy wants, not what the baby needs.
selfish, cruel, and yes IMVHO abusive when the child is sooooo young.

noeyedear · 01/09/2010 12:44

I had my ears pierced aged 1 as my parents are asian. I kicked up a huge fuss and as a result the guy doing it hit a nerve. I had infections for years in my left earlobe, couldn't wear earings until I was in my teens. I know that was 35 years ago, but it really affected me. I have uneven earlobes. If I have a daughter, she will have to roll around on the floor screaming for a few weeks begging to have it done before i take her ( and probably not let my mother have sole charge of her until she's 6 in case she runs off and gets it done behind my back!)

moogalicious · 01/09/2010 12:48

join you in the yawn forza

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 01/09/2010 13:07

@ EccentricaGallumbits

People get so worked up about this. It's hilarious.

BrandyAlexander · 01/09/2010 13:10

This old chesnut? There are 7bn people on this planet. Africa and Asia have 5bn people between them. I mention these two continents because ear piercings for babies are culturally common. On this basis, the vast majority of females on this planet have their ears pierced in the first year. But, hey, don't let these cultural issues get in the way of thinking that all these people are chavs or child abusers.

Olifin · 01/09/2010 13:16

Personal choice, obviously, but my own opinion is that jewellery of any kind looks naff on children.

samoa · 01/09/2010 13:19

My mother had my ears pierced when I was 6 weeks old, for cultural reasons. I love my earrings and i feel naked without them! I am not a chav and my family aren't either. Most young girls I know want to have their ears pierced and you are not going to ruin their lives by doing it. Having my ears pierced did not stop me from being a child, it did not change me in any way. having earrings when u are young has nothing to do with growing up too fast. Most young girls wearing mini skirts or clothes that are too old for them are not even wearing earrings.

I also just had pierced my 6month old daughters ears, for cultural reasons as well. She was actually quite calm when they were doing it. she did cry from the shock for about 5 mins. My italian MIL is not that keen on, "because that is what people in the countryside do", it but that is her problem.

But you know everybody to their own. All I know is that I come from a very multicultural family (Nigerians, Australians, Somalis, Brazilians, Italians, english etc) and it has taught me not to judge, that everybody has different beliefs, ideas and ways of doing things and none of them are wrong.

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