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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What are the chances of taking son out of school in term time for our wedding next year?.

163 replies

costacoffee · 31/08/2010 08:59

We are planning to get married next year and want to take ds on our honeymoon/holiday after the wedding.

If we applied now do you think they would give us permission?. He is only 5 so I dont think its a problem,but worried as they can be funny about taking children out in term time.

OP posts:
compo · 31/08/2010 09:00

could you organise your wedding around the school holidays?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 31/08/2010 09:01

Just do it - he's only 5!

TrillianAstra · 31/08/2010 09:01

Well, what's the worst they are going to do? If you don't take him out of school any other time they might fine you. So fit it into your wedding budget. It's not as if he'll really miss anything essential at 5.

themildmanneredjanitor · 31/08/2010 09:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Plumm · 31/08/2010 09:06

Just do it - it's not like he'll miss his A Levels.

MumNWLondon · 31/08/2010 09:07

I think its ok for up to 10 days per academic year.

alicet · 31/08/2010 09:07

I've read a couple of threads on this subject recently.

At 5 this won't adversely affect his education. But to be honest I don't get why people without a decent reason take children out of school? I personally don't think it sends the right message to children - that having fun is more important than school and that if the teacher says no you do it anyway!

There was another thread where the mum was aasking about taking her autistic son out for a holiday as he would get very unsettled when it was busy as it would be during school holidays. That I get. Taking out for a family wedding the date of which you can't control I get. Other similar non-controllable or special circumstances I get.

But clearly you can control the date of your own wedding. So why wouldn't you just have it to fit around school holidays?

TheUnmentioned · 31/08/2010 09:12

alicet he is 5 having fun is pretty important! Also, holidays cost gazillions more during school holidays.

mummytime · 31/08/2010 09:12

I would just do it. You can lay it on a bit, about why this is the only time you can have your wedding etc. in the letter. The school may or may not give you permission. As it doesn't affect SATs it really isn't an issue.

I have taken my kids out of school once, to go with their Dad to a conference as he had been overseas a lot that year. I got permission for that, but didn't get permission for my DS to miss the last day of term to travel to his Cousin's wedding (we took him anyway). Different schools have different rules.

HappyMummyOfOne · 31/08/2010 09:14

Why not plan your holiday non term time - they are 13 weeks so plenty of time rather than miss school for a holiday. Its your wedding so the date is very easy to plan.

drinkyourmilk · 31/08/2010 09:19

I imagine the cost of the wedding would grow substantially if it were out of term time. You are allowed 10 days of annual leave from school so just go for it.

If you are very concerned you could always just drop the head an email asking what his/her viewpoint would be on the matter.

I'm confident it would be fine.

gonnaloseit · 31/08/2010 09:21

I would do it but be prepared to help him with lots of extra work when you get back to help him catch up, kids learn so much at that age.

rubyrubyruby · 31/08/2010 09:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

alicet · 31/08/2010 09:26

Theunmentioned I didn't mean to imply that fun isn't important. I think it is extremely important and I'm very much in favour of the learning through play thing. My ds1 is about to start school too so I'm not talking as someone who doesn't appreciate the expense of holidays out of term time.

I just think that in this case the wedding can very easily be planned to enable them to have their honeymoon during school holidays. And if that is the case I think it is unreasonable not to do so.

I am surprised that there is so much support on here for disregarding what the school wishes. I just think that is the wrong message to be sending to your children that they can disregard the schools wishes when it suits them.

I know it is more expensive but this doesn't cut it for me. Go on a cheaper holiday if you can't afford it. Do what we did this year when we couldn't afford a holiday - stay with friends and family or go on day trips near you to make it special. Save up to go on a special holiday every 2/3/4 years and camp the rest of the time.

Personally while I think fun is important I don't think that fun has to mean expensive holidays during school time. And while I have already said that there are certain circumstances where it is understandable to take children out during school time I don't think it is reasonable to do so when these circumstances are within your control.

rubyrubyruby · 31/08/2010 09:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HappyMummyOfOne · 31/08/2010 09:36

I agree alicet, school is important and lots of parents seem to have little or no respect for school rules.

If they teach their children its ok to skip school to have fun what will they do when the child is older and truants as they have effectively said that its ok to miss school.

When the child enters the work environment they dont want to have an attitude of skipping work to do something better instead.

There are 13 weeks off school a year, 52 weekends so plenty of time to have fun and plan events.

Our school newsletter reminds parents monthly that no term time holidays will be authorised unless very exceptional reasons - cost not being one of them - which is right as a holiday is not a necessity.

alicet · 31/08/2010 09:37

Happymumofone nice to find someone who agrees with me! And you put it all much more succinctly too.

LadyBiscuit · 31/08/2010 09:43

I have never understood this British attitude that a child of 5 must attend school every single day. It doesn't encourage truantism - well it certainly didn't have that effect on me and I was taken out of school quite often because I wasn't in the UK and our holidays didn't always tie up with the UK. Most European countries don't start school until they're six and I haven't noticed that their children have worse outcomes, far from it.

Emma Thompson and Greg Wise have taken their daughter out for a year to go travelling which I think is great - she's going to learn so much.

The pressure is all about government targets, it's got sod all to do with learning

pumperspumpkin · 31/08/2010 09:46

Where does the "you're allowed 10 days" thing come from out of interest? I have read the Education Act and can't find it. My DC haven't started school yet but I'm interested to know where this is - is this is a council by council dispensation or something?

clam · 31/08/2010 09:50

"Where does the "you're allowed 10 days" thing come from"

That's a common misconception. The Head Teacher is able to grant up to 10 days for exceptional reasons at his/her discretion. Which is a bit different from being "allowed" to take 10 days whenever you like.

PYT · 31/08/2010 09:52

Christ, just do it. Write to the head telling her this is what's happening and saying you thought you'd let her know as early as possible to accommodate teaching staff.

alicet · 31/08/2010 09:52

Ladybiscuit european countries not starting till they are 6 is another discussion. As is a culture where it is considered OK to take your children out of school in the way you describe. Both of these situations are behaving in a way that is culturally and educationally acceptable in that country.

It is the attitude of 'we are entitled to do this and will do it anyway even if the school doesn't give permission' that I think is sending the wrong message to children, not the act of missing a small amount of school.

notso · 31/08/2010 09:53

I don't think at five he is going to make the association, that it's ok to skip school and break rules.

I don't see a problem with having term time holidays every so often, not two weeks every year.
I think the parents who keep their children off school every time their nose runs are more likely to create future problems.

cath476 · 31/08/2010 09:54

I think it is actually " up to 10 days at the headteachers discretion" although our LEA frown on it. OP, I sure for a special occasion like your wedding, the school will be reasonable. He is 5, he will gain just as much from the holiday experience at this age.

spiritmum · 31/08/2010 10:03

I have been told directly by the dc's head that he can allow up to 10 days leave and he doesn't have the power to refuse if there is a good reason. Good reasons include work commitments and family circumstances such as illness or separation. Where we live several children come from farming families who need to take holidays away from the harvesting season (July-early September). To be fair to the Head he's pretty keen on family time and the cultural learning that a holiday can bring and we've always been supported in taking dcs out.

I think most heads understand that children can have amazing learning experiences. When I was 8 my parents took me to Athens with the full support of my head teacher who said I'd learn more going there than I would in six months in a classroom. Even a beach holiday in the UK gives the chance to explore rock pools, learn about tides and seasons, botany, properties of water and get creative. But equally many heads are under pressure from Ofsted and teh previous govt. got quite shirty about this so gave the LEAs grief, who in turn give the schools grief, and I don't see any sign of this changing.