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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What are the chances of taking son out of school in term time for our wedding next year?.

163 replies

costacoffee · 31/08/2010 08:59

We are planning to get married next year and want to take ds on our honeymoon/holiday after the wedding.

If we applied now do you think they would give us permission?. He is only 5 so I dont think its a problem,but worried as they can be funny about taking children out in term time.

OP posts:

LadyBiscuit · 31/08/2010 10:04

A 5YO is not going to see one day off school to attend their parents' wedding as carte blanche to play truant when they're in secondary school. And I do think the starting at 6 thing is connected actually - it's to do with our whole attitude that attending school is the most important thing in a child's life and I just don't believe that.

As for holidays not being a 'right', no they're not but taking children during term time can mean the difference between spending a week somewhere where the weather is nice or being stuck inside in the UK in the pissing rain. Or not being able to afford to go at all.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 31/08/2010 10:10

I'm more concerned about the effect of missing school on the child, in terms of their friendships and social life, rather than academic issues (although, I'd also think twice about that aspect, for an older child. Even missing a few maths lessons, for instance can cause a child to feel they have missed something and lose confidence.)

I remember how "out of it" I'd feel after an illness, especially at this age.

I understand the money argument, and have taken mine out for a long weekend, on one occasion. But two weeks (if it is two weeks, OP), is too long, IMO

lazylula · 31/08/2010 10:11

My parents used to take me out of school for one week a year, I NEVER truanted, not once! The governing body of a school can, at their discretion, allow up to 10 days authorised leave. Many factors can be taken into consideration, including the childs general attendance record ect. Op, I do not think you are bu!

boiledegg1 · 31/08/2010 10:20

I would just courteously tell the school. You will be giving lots of notice, he is only five.

Children should not be removed from school unthinkingly, sure I agree, but some of you could do with lightening up a bit. My parents took us out of school for holidays for a full month throughout my primary school years. Maybe it would be disruptive for some children,but it will depend on the child and what you do with them when they are on holiday.

skidoodly · 31/08/2010 10:30

totally agree with alicet

still, good to know my kids will have an advantage over all these children whose parents take them out of school for days at a time every year for "fun"

plan your wedding for when your DS is on holidays, taking him out of school for your convenience is not fair. Does he actually want to miss out on two weeks of school?

that's a lot to miss at the foundation stage.

still, clearly holidays are more important than literacy and numeracy, so go for your life.

LucyLouLou · 31/08/2010 10:59

Strictly speaking, I think you should probably do the sensible thing and book the wedding and/or holiday for a time when this isn't actually an issue. School holidays are there to largely avoid situations like this, so if possible, I think you should try to figure things out around the official breaks.

That said, as I understand it, the discretionary term time leave can be granted for situations that would benefit the child's family life, or rather that the child missing out would have a negative impact that would be worse than missing school. With that in mind, while it would be an entirely selfish and convienient-for-you decision to take your child away from school for the holiday, if you are intent on having the wedding during term time, I don't see the school denying your request.

It'd still be best if you booked it for school holidays though, let's be honest....

gingernutlover · 31/08/2010 11:05

costa

what is your reason for getting married/taking honeymoon outside of school holidays?

rubyrubyruby · 31/08/2010 11:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LucyLouLou · 31/08/2010 11:08

Lol ruby

spiritmum · 31/08/2010 11:11

There is so much that can be learned on holidays. As I said, my family took me away with my head teacher' approval and I've had the blessing of our head for taking our dcs out. A friend also had the same thing when her family had the chance of taking her dc on a Nile cruise, the head just said that opportunities for learning so much at such a young age need to be grabbed and she should go for it. If I do take the dc's out in term time I am extra conscious of making sure there are opportunities for learning through fun (nature exploration mostly) rather than just hanging out in amusement parks or whatever, and we bring back things for 'show and tell' such as shells, pebbles or booklets from historic or interesting places.

There's much more to education than literacy and numeracy.

One thought though, Costa - we only ever go for a week but friends who go for a fortnight do try to wrap their holidays around half term to minimise the time off. Is that possible for you?

spiritmum · 31/08/2010 11:14

On our last holiday we went on a steam train, went on two long nature walks along the beaches, visited the Sea Life centre and learned about how they rescue seal pups and went to Pensthorpe where they film Springwatch where we did pond dipping etc.

I'll have a guess though and say that wasn't what you had in mind for your honeymoon though, Costa

Ripeberry · 31/08/2010 11:17

At age 5, kids will learn MUCH more on holiday than in the classroom. We have been brainwashed into keeping children in school everyday at a young age when most other European kids are going on long trips or even delaying starting school.

It is your wedding and honeymoon, go for it!

The kids who truant are the ones who are kept in if they feel just a little bit ill and they will milk it for all its worth just to stay at home.
Then those same parents let the kids watch TV all day!

Now THAT will get kids truanting.

Unless your kid is throwing up or has a runny bottom, send them in until the school calls you to say they really are not well.

A mum down the road has two teenage children (14-15) and they are hardly ever at school as they seem to have non-specific ailments but for some reason as soon as 3.30pm comes along they are outside playing around

schroeder · 31/08/2010 11:24

At our school the headteacher has always looked favourably on requests for time off when the child is still in keystage 1.
So I imagine this would be ok in fact I would probably do it and I have never allowed my children to miss a single day of school unless they were ill and ds is starting secondary this year.
That said I can't imagine taking dcs on honeymoon Can't you leave him with his Grandparents so you two can concentrate on each other?

skidoodly · 31/08/2010 11:29

Yes, there's tons to be learnt on holiday. That's why school holidays are so long - to give you plenty of time to go on steam trains and on long nature walks.

However, if you take your child out of school for two weeks then all he will miss out on what the other children learn during that time.

They're not all going to just sit there waiting for him to come back.

When you're not around, you miss out. As anyone who's returned to work after maternity leave can attest.

Being at school is important for him. Making him miss it for your convenience baffles me.

alicet · 31/08/2010 11:31

here here skidoodly!

sorrento56 · 31/08/2010 11:33

I find it very sad that people think they won't miss much at 5, it is only reception, etc etc. Reception is so important to a child's start at school for so many reasons.

everythingiseverything · 31/08/2010 11:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Remotew · 31/08/2010 11:35

Schools in our area allow 10 days per school year,i e 2 two weeks. I always did it with permission, usually for 1 week and once for two when DD was 11 to go to her Dad's wedding abroad, the teachers were very positive about her attending such an important event.

It's school not prison and he's only 5 and it's your wedding.

SandStorm · 31/08/2010 11:38

I'm staying out of this one mainly because I've been accused of being too black and white on this issue BUT I come down firmly in the same camp as alicet and skidoodly.

Taking a child out of school will impact not only on him but his classmates and not just in regard to the educational side of things but also the social aspects.

School is in session for 38 weeks a year. That leaves 14 weeks to take holidays.

spiritmum · 31/08/2010 11:38

I haven't been able to take my dc away this year, but I will be able to in late September before another programme for which I need to be around for starts in October.

Or shall I just not have a week away this year with my dc at all?

skidoodly · 31/08/2010 11:38

skidoodly · 31/08/2010 11:39

So the programme you need to be around for is important? But your kids can just miss school whenever you feel like it?

going · 31/08/2010 11:41

My children are missing one day of school before half term - brought the holiday cosyt down by £800 !

Shaz10 · 31/08/2010 11:42

I'm stunned you want to take a child on your honeymoon :o

Ragwort · 31/08/2010 11:42

I used to feel very strongly about this issue and had many a heated argument with friends/relations with more 'laissez faire' attitudes about missing school. However, now that I have seen what goes on at school - particularly the last week of each term - I have no hesitation in occasionally asking for a week off (only at the end of term, and only every other year). I am shocked at the amount of 'fun' that goes on in the last week of term - especially christmas which seemed to be one week of parties, visits to the pantomime etc. The last day of the summer term was reduced to a 'half day' this year - when I asked my DS what he did in the morning he told me they watched a video.

I do value my DS's education very highly but I think missing these 'extras' is no problem. I don't take him out of school because it is 'cheaper' (actually where we go it is more expensive ) but because it is such a long way it is more worthwhile to go for a longer time.

I also take books, worksheets (that I organise myself - I do NOT expect teachers to do this) so that he does do some homework whilst we are away.

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