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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to find it a little bit pathetic when grown women say they won't drive long distances

670 replies

emkana · 30/08/2010 21:20

of more than 30 (!) miles because they are scared of the driving and navigating.

Is it really that hard, am I missing something here?

OP posts:
Meechimoo · 19/06/2015 11:16

There's a lot of intolerance and ignorance on here. Thing is, most of us are scared of something. I bet there are people on here who are terrified of public speaking, going on a boat, dentists, childbirth....none of these trouble me, but I've always been scared of motorway driving. I make myself go out of my comfort zone but I can't deny hating it. I know a few men who haven't passed their driving test or avoid driving long distances, but I strongly suspect a man would be less open about a fear like this.

Postchildrenpregranny · 19/06/2015 11:27

Haven't read full hread, but while I dont find it that odd that some people just don't drive at all-though I do see it as an essential life skill- but when they claim they don't have the experience to drive on motorways/in big cities whatever, do they not recognise they need the practice?
I do most of the 'our' driving as DH doesnt especially enjoy it whereas I'm fine with it , and he's the better navigator, but we always share long drives.
I used to find driving in London a bit scary but have got used to it !

morage · 19/06/2015 11:39

It is because some women don't drive ling distances, so they never get used to it. When I passed, I was scared of driving long distances, on motorways, and at night. My DP insisted that any journey we did together on motorways, at night, or long distance, I did at least some of the driving. I soon got used to it and overcame my fear.
My DP had felt the same after passing, but also got used to it.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 19/06/2015 11:45

Meechimo

All those phobias you have listed very rarely impact on the safety of others.

I don?t have any issues with someone being a nervous or slow driver, issues arise if said nerves translate into poor or dangerous driving, that is something that can have potentially lethal effect others.

Waaaay up the (zombie) thread someone mentioned getting panic attacks when driving, I don?t think it is mean to point out that that person should not be on the road until they get their anxiety under control, otherwise they are just a liability to pedestrians and other road users.

Driving is a privilege and not a right and I do not think it is acceptable to venture onto the roads when you don?t have the confidence to make a journey without putting others at risk.

morage · 19/06/2015 11:49

Agreed. But also it is scary going from driving with an instructor, to driving on a motorway. But the more you do it, the more you get used to it. It really is a case of face your fears, and do it anyway.
And if you only drive once every few months, you won't be a good or confident driver. Driving is a practical skill that involves practice.

Athenaviolet · 19/06/2015 11:51

Zombie thread!!!

hedgehog01 · 19/06/2015 12:07

I can drive but haven't for a decade because I've always lived in cities and we currently only have one car which my husband uses for work. My in-laws mention the fact that I don't drive every. single. time I see them. Why?!

SuperFlyHigh · 19/06/2015 12:15

I'm older and I won't unless I can help it drive long distance as I was in a serious car accident 10 years ago where there would have been a fatality had we not been in space cruiser as they were in a much lower car. I had flashbacks for ages and buggered my knee and back with bad whiplash.

My mum and stepdad also don't like driving long distances as the train takes the strain plus mum has RA so it's tiring for her over long distances.

McKayz · 19/06/2015 12:19

Why do people post on threads that are 5 years old??

spillyobeans · 19/06/2015 12:32

Not unreasonable if you really dont like it. If you have a partner/boyfriend/whatever and you expect them to drive everywhere - thats unreasonable.

I always ask dh if i will drive or if he will, we share it mostly. And on long journeys we normally switch half way or when one of us needs a break.

Ive also driven very long journeys by myself before and as much as i dont particular enjoy it its been fine.

spillyobeans · 19/06/2015 12:35

Its true though that for most long distances you could just get a train etc which is probably quicker and cheaper anyway!

suchafuss · 19/06/2015 12:39

This affects my family on a weekly basis. DH has meetings a fair distance away and is frequently asked by female work colleagues if they can get a lift with him. However as his place of work is quite a distance from where we live this means that he has to leave at the crack of dawn to pick them up and then returns late after dropping them off. He is far too nice to say no, I want to tell them to get a backbone, o previous accident with these women, just don't like to drive any distance.

penisland · 19/06/2015 12:48

But it's still a tiny number little. There are certainly much more dangerous things for young people to do.

BabyMurloc · 19/06/2015 12:57

I hate driving if my dh is in the car because although he admits I'm a good driver he is a bloody awful passenger!

muminhants1 · 19/06/2015 13:04

I'm a decent driver, I can read a map and don't bother with satnav; I can park decently without blocking other people's doors/driveways etc.

BUT I don't like night-time driving because oncoming lights dazzle me (and they are getting worse with the blue-ish ones that many cars have nowadays), and I don't like motorway driving because of the lorries and nobody sticks to the speed limit. Heaven for me on a motorway is a 50mph limit with average speed cameras so people stick to it! Motorways are not easier than normal roads, and junctions/slip roads are pretty scary when people won't (or can't) let you on. Trying to join a 70mph road from a standing start is not funny. And motorways send you to sleep, normal roads don't.

I don't think I am incapable, just aware of my own limits. I've always commuted to work by train or had a shorter than 30 minute drive, and now I work from home.

So you find me pathetic. Well to get my own back, the people who annoy me are the people who panic and start to crawl along at a dangerously slow speed because they've gone the wrong way. The world is not going to end because you've gone the wrong way! Just go the next junction/roundabout/lay-by and turn round/look at a map!

As for this I also hate those women who drive to the station of an evening to pick up hubby and then get out of the driver's seat so he can drive home!!! I don't generally do this, but occasionally if I've been feeling under the weather with a bad cold I drive to the station and then get him to drive back. Better safe than sorry if I am not 100% fit.

McKayz · 19/06/2015 13:06

Actually thinking about this now.

I passed my test in April 2014. The furthest I've driven away from home is 54 miles.

I've never been on a motorway so I really need to rectify that. Just a bit worried.

DH automatically gets in the drivers seat. Maybe it's a habit or maybe I'm an awful driver!

Jemimapuddleduk · 19/06/2015 13:10

Yabu. Unless you drive regularly motorways and dual carriage ways can be v challenging. I used to have full on panic attacks doing motorway driving but then I got a job that involved a lot of motorway driving so I had to get used to it.

skinoncustard · 19/06/2015 13:12

I have a friend who won't use a large roundabout near us that is really difficult to avoid if you want to go anywhere, instead she does long awkward detours. Same friend also absolutely refuses to put petrol in her car!!! Says she does loads for her family so the least they can do is fill it up ( she pays every time ) . This is an intelligent woman !!!!

McKayz · 19/06/2015 13:15

I regularly drive on dual carriageways. But struggle with the idea of a motorway. Not sure why.

PerspicaciaTick · 19/06/2015 13:17

"As for this I also hate those women who drive to the station of an evening to pick up hubby and then get out of the driver's seat so he can drive home!!! I don't generally do this, but occasionally if I've been feeling under the weather with a bad cold I drive to the station and then get him to drive back. Better safe than sorry if I am not 100% fit."

I don't get this at all. If you aren't fit to drive home then you weren't fit to drive to the station.

McKayz · 19/06/2015 13:20

Uh oh!! That is me! I pick DH from the airport or train station and get into the passenger seat. Grin

To be fair though DH spends 8 weeks away so I'm fed up of doing all the driving by the time he gets home.

DoggyFace · 19/06/2015 13:22

I wish acquaintances wouldn't be so rude. I don't enjoy being grilled about why I do or don't do something. As long as I'm not begging rides off them, who cares what I am or am not comfortable doing about my own transportation?

PerspicaciaTick · 19/06/2015 13:23

Apparently there is research which suggests that older women are more at risk of having driving accidents once they become widowed or divorced - presumably because they suddenly start driving themselves after years of relying on their DH. The implication being that you are safer if you "keep your hand" in by regularly driving in a variety of situations rather than opting out until suddenly forced to drive in a way in which you are inexperienced or unconfident.

drudgetrudy · 19/06/2015 13:29

OP probably isn't here any longer but she is BVU and unsympathetic. Some people are scared of snakes, mice, rats etc-I am not. Some people are scared of flying-I am not. Some people are scared of medical procedures-I am not. However I am scared of driving and also fast fairground rides. I have become more and more nervous of driving as I get older. I get on my own nerves with it and I'm sure I irritate some of my friends. I hope though that they are a bit more sympathetic than the OP.

morage · 19/06/2015 13:30

drudgetrudy - But it does seem to be women who feel like this more. Surely it should affect both sexes equally?

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