to find it a little bit pathetic when grown women say they won't drive long distances

[emkana]

of more than 30 (!) miles because they are scared of the driving and navigating.

Is it really that hard, am I missing something here?

LeQueen, I do drive on motorways when DH is there so I can build up my confidence. So far we've done short journeys and it's been fine, although I do need a lot of (metaphorical) hand-holding. I am doing it a bit more each week and one of my goals for this year is to finally get comfortable doing it on my own over short/medium distances, so that I can take full advantage of my the place where I now live.

But I know for a fact that there's certain routes I will probably never drive... there's a particularly horrific motorway in Italy where we have to drive often to get to my parents place and even DH got really nervous the first time he drove on it (I am talking high rise viaducts, curves, long tunnels, 2 very narrow lanes, and insane drivers who go too fast/too close, plus regular bouts of extreme weather).

And when I say "even my DH" I mean "even an experienced, confident, laid back driver", not "even a man"

Just a suggestion to all the nervous drivers here: Do your Advanced Driving. The instructors are brilliant, you learn far more about what to do in various situations and why, and they love being asked to help with special features like motorways/bridges/narrow lanes, etc. It's a real confidence builder.

Plus, afterwards, no bugger can tell you they're a better diver than you

Or driver, even. (I don't think the Advanced course covers underwater driving.)

leQueen the situation with your MIL is exactly the situation I am talking about. If it is such an emergency that it can't wait and your only reason is you don't particularly like it then tough. I have had to do thinks I don't like or even fear because its an absolute necessity. Choosing to do things other ways at other times because you dislike driving perfectly acceptable imo.

"Networkguy, yes, it's another of those threads that use feminism as an excuse to bash other women.

But then, I let the side down by not driving on the motorway, so what do I know? I am just a little woman hmm"

No you're not. You are overcoming a genuine fear.

The people who are letting the side down are the women perpetuating the myth that somehow women are less capable than men. The "Oh, you're so big and strong and clever' brigade. I have no hesitation in bashing them!

OK, so how many of you would pick up a large spider? I wouldn't and yet I would drive anywhere, love driving fast and did all of the driving on a recent 3 day trip to Italy, including through the Alps because my DH was too anxious? Does this make me more of a woman? I think not. People's fears and anxieties are individual to them.

Very well said Joben, I am a 'wimpy ' driver and to be honest sometimes I wish I had never actually taken the test because at least then I would have a good excuse not to drive anywhere! It is simply something that does not come very naturally to me, just like some people find maths difficult or hate public speaking. I do force myself to do it,because I don't want to become a prisoner of my anxieties but would never look with disdain on someone who is petrified of, say, public speaking/snakes/flying, even though Ido not suffer from those fears myself.

Well put, joben

"and do a round trip of 175 miles, after already working a 14 hour day."

That's plainly dangerous and should have been refused on the grounds that DH could easily come to grief (MiL too!) in a pile-up if his concentration lapsed and something happened before he could react.

When setting up a radio station ~10 years ago, my boss used to take me to/from the other side of Cheshire, and after dropping me off about 2am, he'd spend a further 15 minutes getting home... One night he was saved by the crash barriers from hitting the concrete pillars supporting a couple of link roads over the dual-carriageway, but if there had been heavy lorries etc behind him, he may have had something suddenly hit his vehicle from behind after he had crunched to a halt.

Well, I am the chief spider and moth murderer in my house, as DS (17) and the rest of the DCs are complete wusses where creepy crawlies are concerned. But DS recently managed to get the car he was driving across four lanes of fast traffic to the shoulder when his driver's side tyre blew out, at the end of an 8 hour trip in the US, so I can't complain. And he and DD1 changed the tyre too (something I have never had to do).

Don't know any women like this. All my female friends are happy to drive long distances, hire cars, drive in other countries on the other side of the road, drive all night etc. Whether they SHOULD is a completely different matter. Frankly I'm amazed half of them are allowed on the road at all.

I've only skimmed this thread, but why do so many of you seem to assume that driving is a necessary and desirable activity? We cope perfectly well (in a city, admittedly) with two small children and no car. When we have to travel long distances, we catch the train. The problem with the car-owning majority is that they make life so unpleasant for the rest of us. And I have to say that some mothers are amongst the most selfish and irresponsible drivers I know - their focus on 'me and mine' makes them totally oblivious to the safety of pedestrians and cyclists.

Grumpster you have a point there. I rarely used our car in the city, though now we live in a remote area we have had to buy a second car just to function and have to drive everywhere (2 miles to nearest shops etc)

Agree with you too, about Mums being some of the worst drivers. I often see Mum's at the school gate or aftre school venues pulling out without indication, double blocking, selfish and in a hurry. Not all Mum's of course, just some. I saw some research that the blood pressure of parents rises measurably while doing the school run!

Haven't read the whole thread so apologies if this has already been covered. Sensory processing disorder (one of the three bits of the autistic spectrum triad of disabilities, but can occur for many other reasons) is one reason people might be scared of driving, particularly long distances on motorways, is a reason that's often not diagnosed in adults of our generation. So people may be really scared of driving for years and not really know what it is that's making them panic.

Disordered sensory processing can involve having severe difficulty with processing a lot of flashing things, and with a lot of things in your peripheral vision - it stresses you out and makes you panic - i.e. why ASD kids can melt down in crowds.

Or why I can't drive. Tried for years, can only do it when there are almost no other cars on the road.

yesterday I set off at 10 am drove from Portland Dorset with 7yr DD & cat & dog in car to Sanderstead Surrey (we all sang all the way - the dog howled, the cat meowed, we sang Paleou Nutinni) we collected my poor health (works it!) father drove to Seven Oaks Kent to collect his forgotten medication. We then carried on to collect my teenage DS from Heathrow -STARTED TO BREAK DOWN 4th LANE M25!!!!-my brilliant driving got onto the edge of the road. NO HARD SHOULDER!!! The RAC were brilliant, he was there in 1/2 hour got car going followed us to Heathrow in case alternator went again...Collected teen DS headed back to Gloucestershire - CAR BROKE AGAIN. Tiered/wired mum, Grumpy Grandad, Moody Teen, WhingerNinger 7yr old, cat meowing, dog howling!!! Ended up on the back of a tow truck. I love long journeys, they're adventures....We laughed alot more than we cried!

I can see why you've got the name megamum ! Sounds like a good demonstration of how positive outlook can help in life - i wouldn't mind that scale of mega-day if it involved driving with no other cars on roads, or having to run/ ski / cycle extremely long distances to make things happen. But would've cracked and been standing at the side of the road shaking with my head in my hands, before I even got out of Portland, under normal driving circumstances.

Forgot to add - on my mad journey I learnt and saw proof of why men are such dreadful drivers. Not the ego problem, women also suffer from that! but because they cannot multitask so checking mirrors, speed etc all at the same time is too much but mainly its they lack of practise of considering others. As they don't often do this in everyday situations they find it very hard to consider others on the road!
I'd like to meet a long distance lorry driver who did what I did yesterday (see previous posting) while keeping all animal and human passengers happy!

Grumpster - agree with you in part. We just went to France by train. Involved 4 trains each way and 12 hours on the train but the children were great. We had table seats and loads of drawing stuff etc. We live in the country and often go to London where we sued to live. Always by train. We cycle a lot too.

But there is a Mr Toad freedom of the open road. I drove round Scotland with my mum. Windows down on a clear road and a spring morning, with no planned route, going where the road takes you is an adventure and a romance. An open top would have been even better but have to ride my bike to get the wind in my hair!

Funny you say that massivenamechange I think if I had thought about it I could have left the house but I had no choice and that normally brings out the trooper in me!! Thanks - nice to have a pat on the back from someone x

Oh - not we 'sued to live' - how odd that would be. 'used to live' - of course.

Wasn't this thread more about driving long distances than being in charge of big heavy MEN machines? I do know some friends, on second thoughts, who are happy to drive about London, where really a car is a pain the arse, but nervous of going on a new journey. Think they are worried about getting lost etc, especially with children in the car. Not pathetic but they could enjoy exploring with more confidence. I love maps though and never would use a Sat Nav because it takes the fun out of getting lost. See, I love getting lost and DH and I both have a 'let's see where this road goes...' approach.

I know what you mean WoodyAllen. The thing I don't like about trains,planes,boats & buses is that I'm not in control - YES TOTAL CONTROL FREAK! -but really if there is trouble there is nothing I can do to stop it. Can't stand that and strangely that gives me more of a panic attack that the motorway sometimes.

Megamum - good for you

But just a point re having no choice - for some people this really does go beyond having no choice though. I have spent some of my adult life just having to find other options because I just really really couldn't drive, no matter what the choices were and how hard I tried. This has involved things like trying to drive someone to hospital and having to give up and call an ambulance because I couldn't do the drive. Even cycling home from work, on a separate cycle path by a B road, is enough to have me arrive home shaking, in a cold sweat and involuntarily in tears, because things in my peripheral vision (cars going past) freak me out so much. I know it's totally irrational.

massivenamechange doesn't sound irrational at all to me - sounds like a real nightmare. I'm afraid I couldn't of dealt with that. To be reliant on public transport or cycling at the mercy of cars is hell when you're not in a city. mind you, cycling in london is hell if you don't know the roads.