to find it a little bit pathetic when grown women say they won't drive long distances

[emkana]

of more than 30 (!) miles because they are scared of the driving and navigating.

Is it really that hard, am I missing something here?

I've not read the entire thread, but how stupid. IMO. Morotway driving is easier than driving around town.70 (80 ) miles an hour, straight(ish) roads.

I passed my test & a few weeks later drove 300 miles. Was brilliant.

I know 2 neighbours, both woman, both can drive. Neither will. What was the point in learning.

massivenamechange - I don't think you're irrational at all. Cars are dangerous and antisocial; I'm amazed that most people seem relaxed about driving any distance, long or short. I was always a nervous driver and I felt liberated when I got rid of my car.

A related gripe of mine (and I make no apologies for straying off the original subject) is that the world is increasingly designed with motorists in mind, when it doesn't have to be that way. Our national obsession with motoring can make life very difficult for people who, for whatever reason, can't drive or choose not to do so.

"A related gripe of mine (and I make no apologies for straying off the original subject) is that the world is increasingly designed with motorists in mind,"

Absolutely, and I think that people who drive their children to school are a large part of normalising that for coming generations.

"the world is increasingly designed with motorists in mind"

Back in 1987 I visited eastern Canada, and went to Ottawa for half a week. Lucky for me that I was collected at the railway station by some business contacts who took me to lunch and then left me with colleagues, because there's just a dual carriageway - no pavements - at the station, or at least that's how I remember it.

Of course I might have had the wrong impression as there was snow on the ground.

However, something which impressed me as a public transport user was the fact there was a complete set of extra roads separate from the regular routes, dedicated to the Ottawa buses. Services ran up to 01:00 and the bus stops in the centre of the city had a double skin, and two lots of sliding doors, inner and outer, to cope with the cold weather over there.

Public transport was well thought out and not expensive in most big cities I've visited in N America, though in the suburbs of LA, I did quite a bit of walking (no pavements) to go the 10 blocks or more to the local shopping centre, Borders etc... luckily my friend had a swimming pool in the back yard for me to cool off after getting pretty hot walking back with some pizza.

MathAnxiety... she sounds amazing ! Good on her...

However, I think I didn't put my point over very well... My concern with all this is that there seems to be a significant number of women who lack confidence in driving, and to me, this is a great loss, because being able to go where you want, when you want, rather than rely on others, is very empowering. When I wasn't allowed to drive after a c-section, I found the loss of independence was dreadful. I couldn't wait to get back in my car and go as I pleased again.

Of course it is a personal choice what any individual does, and I'm not a car promoter (I take public transport to work most days) I just feel that it's a shame there are so many whose nervousness is holding them back from the freedom and independence that comes with confident driving.

I haven't read all 23 pages so I might be repeating what someone else has already said.

I know a number of women who won't drive on motorways or long journeys - SIL being one of them. The reason is that their husbands wouldn't let them. They always took over the driving when on holiday or on other long trips and as a result they never got the practice and now don't have the confidence to do it.

On the other hand my OH hates driving and we always share the driving on long trips. I used to be a sales rep and have a good inbuilt sense of direction so driving has never worried me. Since we got a sat nav I find it even easier to drive around unfamiliar areas. I have to drive down the M1 to get to work and am more used to motorway driving than any other type of driving.

It's the other way round for me, I always drive when dh and I are together, we're both happier like that. He hates driving and is nervous whereas I like it and like maps. I made him drive half the way to Cornwall as it is so far but actually it was just as tiring watching him! He only passed a couple of years ago, I think the age you learn makes a difference.
I learned as soon as I could at 17 but never had access to a car until I was 21 and did feel nervous of motorways at first. Driving down alone for a weekend with friends in Bournemouth sorted that out, just the practice helped.
I was surprised the other day when DD was invited to a party across the city; 1 mum wouldn't go on dual carriageways and the other didn't like driving somewhere she didn't know, so had to have someone in the car navigating for her. I'd just googled the address and got details and have an a-z in the car in case I get lost (useful for going to the back of beyond on supply).

seeker, you mentioned that another thread should explore why lots of women feel anxious about driving. As I said in my post, it's really obvious to me why I had trouble. IT was because the males around me treated me like they knew I literally would not be able to do it. So I absorbed those messages and they were difficult to overcome.

spiritmum "our society is so car-centric people can't understand how someone can function without driving"

LOL. When I was planning a trip to visit a (now) friend (film producer living in Beverley Hills) and he suggested driving to Vegas or San Francisco for the few days before Thanksgiving as he'd be working, and I told him I didn't drive, I could almost hear his jaw drop...

I enjoy the odd trip in a car, but it's not the 'be all and end all' of life, for me, at least. Public transport is widely available in many parts, and means I can travel about happily when visiting other countries, without being flustered about using bus, tram, train, underground, or just going on foot !

Reading a timetable seems to be like instructions for space travel, the way some people seem so 'lost' or incapable.

I have a phobia of busy roads I don't know why, but brilliant best friend came as my passenger and I did loads of driving with her, my confidence is growing and I'm going solo soon. Find help with a friend or professional instructor. Everyone is better at some things than others so ignore any nasty comments.

Suis so true. I remember having to drive my friend to a service station to collect her 60 year old mother who'd driven on the M25 for the first time and burst into tears because she couldn't cope. She'd depended on her husband her whole life. She will never try it again so is now dependent on her husband driving her if she wants to go see her daughter and grandchildren.

Yep, ignore the nasty comments.....from FIVE years ago!!

Zombie thread!

I am a woman.
Tomorrow, I will be driving about 400 miles. Two long trips, and a couple of local ones in between.
With a toddler and an almost-teen for company.
This happens every couple of months or so...
There will be country roads, motorways, heavy luggage carrying, driving home in the dark.
None of it bothers me.

I think I had a good instructor, many years ago. We did a lot of dual carriageway driving. I have also seen my parents drive these distances without any problems.

Exbf could just about manage the 15 minute drive into town. He always got in the passenger side. I think it is more down to,the individual, not just being female.

But I have seen quite a few younger men/teen boys showing off.

Yes, YABU. Try a little compassion. Not every woman, or person, who is afraid of driving, is batting their eyelashes and waiting for a man to save them. Driving is dangerous by nature - why do it if you don't feel competent?

I am 52 and only recently got over my paralysing fear of driving. I was in a very bad accident at age 16, but then managed to drive all over the US, including on motorways, in my 20s. It was the small roads I was afraid of as I had been in head-on collision.

Then I came to live in Europe, didn't drive for several years, and had a terrible time starting again (in a big city, capital of a country whose drivers are known for being aggressive and unpredictable). It made life very difficult for me when my child was small. Even with good public transport, shopping and getting anywhere in the suburbs can be a nightmare.

I decided a few years ago that if I didn't get over my fear soon, I never would. I had CBT, which didn't help, and finally just forced myself onto the motorway. It was terrifying at first but I finally realized it was just fine and now would be OK driving anywhere. I do have a bad sense of direction but try to plan trips carefully in advance and have a printed map in addition to the GPS.

And I can think of at least four couples my age where the man does not drive. Ever. either never learned or doesn't want to. What do you care what other people do anyway?

Wow. What lovely, perfect people you all are not

my mum lives a 7 hour drive away. I don't like going all that way driving on my own as I have in the past got sleepy and it scared me a bit. I prefer to share the driving, DH comes too most visits so I have backup if I get tired. If I had to do it on my own I would prefer to use the train.... so shoot me!

I have terrible eyesight. Plus a really bad sense of direction. These things together make me nervous.

It's fuck all to do with being a woman. I haven't passed my test and when I do, I have no intention of doing more than driving around the local area. I don't really go on motorways as a passenger either, we catch a train or dh drives the back roads as I'm just too scared. It's not an irrational fear - cars are really, really dangerous.

Wow. How mean and unnecessary is this post?!! How is this anyone's business than the women involved? I passed my test in 2008 and then lived and worked in central London after travelling for a year so got totally out of practice. I don't particularly love driving, but it's growing on me now I'm further out and need to get behind the wheel. If I never gain massive confidence and only drive when I feel really comfortable what business is it of yours!?

It's not an irrational fear - cars are really, really dangerous

Yes it is! They're really not!

Zombie thread. But got to love a woman who is so horribly judgmental about other women, for a most pathetic reason such as her driving confidence . Very belated for you, OP.

DH drives long distances as part of his job, the number of stupid things he's seen other drivers do makes him more and more cautious. Cars are dangerous, but usually because of an over confident, impatient driver.

I get very anxious about long journeys, even when someone else is driving, but that's more because I prefer to be close to home.
It always amazes me how many people believe they can judge others only by their own experiences, it's incredibly narrow minded and ignorant.
Have some empathy for others instead of criticising them.

YABU - people should drive where they feel comfortable driving.

Sorry not everyone conforms to your neat little view of how people should act. Should we all just be little perfect clones of one another so your little world turns in the way you want it to? It is really none of your business.

Number one cause of death amongst young people, penisland, that's not taking into account serious injuries that aren't fatal - sounds pretty dangerous to me.