Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my friend is not being unreasonable?

157 replies

TheFruitWhisperer · 27/08/2010 13:02

Shes planning a wedding. On a cruise ship. It sounds great to be be honest, totally her kind of thing.

Trouble is that shes in knots about asking people to go, as she thinks that family and friends wont want to go because of cost/convenience etc. It will probably be around £1400 each to go and have the holiday on the cruise after.

I dont think thats bad, after all its what she wants, would be a group holiday and fab that everyone could be there together, we've all got over 2 years to save for it. But some friends I understand, will probably have to scrimp. And some of her partners family members have said they'd be very upset if the two of them did it without them there.

Shes very worried she'll have crap turn out and upset the fam, and I want some MN back up to say shes not being unreasonable, this is their big day so she can do what she wants and be happy! (Ive also said we can put her back in her wedding dress for an additional party when she gets back, so if anyone did miss out they can see it again!)

Shes surely not being unreasonable, is she?

OP posts:
sorrento56 · 27/08/2010 14:53

We missed a family wedding in the next country so this wedding would be a definite no. Even family and close friends would find this much money hard to take for a wedding and a holiday they didn't choose.

DetectivePotato · 27/08/2010 14:54

Of course she can do what she wants. Depends if she wants people there to share her day. If not, then carry on but she can't count on anyone saying that they are prepared to spend that sort of money to see someone get married. A cruise would also be my idea of hell.

£1400 is a lot of money to go to someones wedding, no matter how long you have got to save.

I certainly wouldn't be going.

SocialButterfly · 27/08/2010 14:54

I wouldn't WANT to save for 2 years for someone elses wedding tbh. As others have said why not have a normal wedding and a cruise as a honeymoon?

Deliaskis · 27/08/2010 14:54

The whole thing sounds totally vile TBH. Money aside, spending a holiday on a cruise (my idea of a nightmare holiday) with loads of people who you don't know, but who you will be forced to smile and be friendly and sociable with.

Then the money issue - even if this was a close friend, and if I could concievably save the money in the time, I wouldn't want to. Her wedding is her wedding, the only wedding I would be willing to save for 2 yers for (by scrimping and potentially missing family holidays etc.) would be my own, and we didn't spend that long saving for that. It's completely unreasonable to ask people to do that. No wedding should take any guest two years of sacrifice to save up for, in fact no wedding should take any guest two years to prepare for in any way at all. How horrid.

And the £1,400 would be just the start, as presumably there will be extra costs for when the ship is in port etc.?

I have incidentally been to a wedding in Mauritius, really enjoyed it, was interested in going there anyway, happened to have had a good bonus from work, and no pressure from the couple to go (they were surprised and delighted that we decided to go). No way would I even consider the invitation you are describing.

It sounds like your friend is being completely unreasonable, self-absorbed, inconsiderate, rude and presumptuous.

When are Bride/Grooms to be going to realise that their wedding is the most important event in their lives, and their lives only?

Sorry, this one has got me riled. I'm normally quite restrained!

D

Deliaskis · 27/08/2010 14:58

Am beginning to wonder if this post is in fact a joke, as it's so very very unreasonable I am not sure what the debate is?

She INBU to want to get married on a cruise ship. She IBVU to expect anyone to want to be there.

Meant to add, getting married in a way that requires any guests to take more than a day off work is also self-absorbed and inconsiderate.

D

DetectivePotato · 27/08/2010 15:04

I don't think it is a joke.

I know someone who planned her wedding in Vegas. Loads of family and a few friends went. I was surprised at how many were willing to pay for that tbh.

Original poster
TheFruitWhisperer · 27/08/2010 15:05

Its not a joke Deliaskis. This is actually my very good friend. Thinking about it now in light of what people have said, I dont think shes thought it through, and perhaps I was so happy for her I got strung along and thought Yeah, thats not a bad idea.

Sat looking through pictures of exotic places on the net does make you think, actually I could afford £1400!

OP posts:
Original poster
TheFruitWhisperer · 27/08/2010 15:05

If shes half as convincing to her DP's family as she was to me, maybe she wont have a problem! Grin

OP posts:
dinkystinky · 27/08/2010 15:07

If she wants to get married on a cruise she can - but expecting friends and family to be there is abit unreasonable given the cost and the using up of people's holiday entitlements from their work place too!

jumpingjackhash · 27/08/2010 15:08

I'll ask again - what does her dp think of this? It sounds as though it's all her idea at the mo...

anonacfr · 27/08/2010 15:11

Quite.

A friend of mine got married on a Friday (it was either that or waiting another 6 months. She decided she couldn't wait) and as a result I couldn't go. I'd already lined up my holidays for the year and would have had to take 2 days off and just couldn't.

There is no way in hell I'd want to pay 1400 quid for someone's wedding, and as someone mentioned use up all my holiday allowance at the same time.

I actually got married in the States. We were on a skiing holiday with some friends- DH and I didn't tell anyone beforehand. We just recruited two of our mates to be witnesses on the day. We got married in the morning, went back on the slopes after the ceremony and in the evening took our friends out for a meal that we paid for. We had toasts, champagne and surprisingly good food.
It was the perfect day for us.

The thought of getting people to take a holiday and pay a fortune just to attend our wedding would have been completely ridiculous. I don't think I would have had the nerve to ask to begin with! Grin

greygirl · 27/08/2010 15:11

my friend (who comes from kenya) got married in kenya a few years ago. The couple invited their friends with the acknowledgement that it was a big ask, not all of us would be able to go (for whatever reason) but they also said they would love to see (any of) us, and that they were planning a 2 day safari trip after so they could spend time with their english friends (because obviously there would be a lot of kenyan people they had to speak to at the wedding).
about 10 of us went (we had no children but did have jobs!) and most of us went for a week or so and organised other extras like safaris/beach holidays etc.it was expensive but brilliant fun, i am glad we did it.

so some people will go on this cruise, if they fancy a cruise 9and can afford it) and others won't. i think she's unreasonable to complain people won't go(unless she pays for them), but not unreasonable to decide to have her wedding wherever she wants it.

laurely · 27/08/2010 15:11

It's her wedding but she needs to accept that some people might not make it.

That 1400 per person is WAY out of my league and I would be telling her so and would be annoyed if she pouted

Deliaskis · 27/08/2010 15:12

Sorry for suggesting it might be a joke, it was just one of those that had me thinking...

I'm not against weddings abroad per se, but a cruise is a very specific kind of holiday that doesn't appeal to everybody, and is expensive anyway. It's my idea of hell on earth. The group holiday aspect of it would put me off in itself (not against group holidays either, go on lots of them, just don't want to go on someone else's group holiday).

When our friends got married in Mauritius (which cost more than £1,400), we completely had our own holiday, and spent a couple of days with the couple. A cruise isn't really like that.

Ditto with weddings I have been to in Europe e.g. Greece, Majorca etc. we had a holiday, and spent a day or two of it with the wedding couple.

Sorry if my first post was a bit harsh though, there were just too many things that made me think 'yuck' all in one go!

D

lolapoppins · 27/08/2010 15:13

So much could go wrong though....what if they all came down with cruise ship food poisoning?

Original poster
TheFruitWhisperer · 27/08/2010 15:14

Hes very easy going. And he loves holidays. I can totally see him agreeing to this! Unless of course his mum cries in which case it might be stand off!

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 27/08/2010 15:15

It is quite the most nitwitted thing I've heard all day- only a bonkers bridezilla or an utter ninny would give the idea more than thirty seconds thought, surely?

olderandwider · 27/08/2010 15:20

I think it's one thing to get married abroad and wrap a holiday around it if the bride or groom are from that country anyway (viz greygirl's experience).

But to expect family and guests to save for two years for a very particular Marmite-type of holiday just so presumptious, words fail me.

olderandwider · 27/08/2010 15:22

is just so presumptuous

Morloth · 27/08/2010 15:28

It is of course her wedding and she should do what she wants, but if it were a friend/relative of ours we wouldn't be going.

2800 quid is a lot of money, add in DH gets bad motion sickness and there isn't a chance.

If you want something unusual/expensive then you can't be surprised when people are just not up for it.

musicmadness · 27/08/2010 16:02

I don't think she is being unreasonable to have the wedding on the cruise ship if she wants. I'm firmly of the opinion that you can do whatever you want for your own wedding. I'm also of the opinion that if you recieve an invite for a wedding and you don't like the place/time/childcare arrangements etc you are well within your rights to turn the invitation down. If she really wants a cruise ship wedding then she should go for it but she will have to accept that the turnout will probably not be as large as it would have been back home. You can't have it both ways.

LackingInspiration · 27/08/2010 16:02

She IBU if she wants people to actually go to it. There is no way I would save that much money just for a friend's wedding - in fact I don't think I'd save it for family's wedding, and I'd be really gutted that I wouldn't see it happening just because she wanted something so outlandish. So her loss...and those of her family and friends for whom £1400 is an absolute bloody fortune!

Of course, it is her day, though, and if she doesn't care about who can make it, and making her family and friends go without things so they can save to be there, then that's her look out. It would really piss me off, though, if I was invited to a wedding like that.

myredcardigan · 27/08/2010 18:10

I think the most mad thing about this is that they would want to spend their honeymoon with the people from their wedding.

Who on earth wants their M&D and ILs just along the corridor when they're on HM? With all the,'It's 1pm,why haven't they left the cabin yet?' stuff. The thought of it makes me shudder. Though I'll freely admit the thought of a cruise makes me shudder too.

oranges · 27/08/2010 18:12

but, but but, how do any of know what will happen in two years? they may split up, any of the guests may split or lose their jobs - it seems utterly mad to plan such an expensive event, so far into the future.

5DollarShake · 27/08/2010 19:11

We got married in NZ (I'm from there) and even I think she's being unreasonable! Hmm

She has to be totally realistic that many people will not consider her wedding a priority for their holiday time and their money, and she has to be gracious about that.

She has to realise that a cruise is some people's idea of hell on earth not everyone's idea of a great way to part with a wedge of holiday cash.

She must NOT even consider having a gift list!!

The least she can do re the wedding breakfast and HD evening do is not allow guests to put their hands in their pockets at any point, and that includes drinks.

She should give some serious consideration to having the wedding in dry land and going on the cruise for the honeymoon.

As it turns out, we had a great turn out for our wedding and it was a brilliant holiday, but we had no expectations of anyone, paid for their accommodation for the duration they were in my home town, open bar on the day, and flights were obviously nowhere near the region of £1400.

I do think she needs to get real, in the nicest possible way. :)