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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Actually i know i am but i fed up

713 replies

megawoman · 23/08/2010 22:01

Have been friends with somebody since we were at pre-school together. She got married 6 years ago and I am now good friends with both her and her husband.

They have both been moaning at me lately about the fact their relationship has turned sour. He today phoned me twice asking if I had heard from her because he was at their house and she was not there again yet promised she would be in for his lunchbreak. I told him she was not with me but may be with her sister. Two hours later he phoned again as she was still not home and he rung again to see if I had heard from her yet. I said I had not but if I did I would tell her he was looking for her. He then asked me if I thought she was cheating on her which I know she is not she is organising big party for his 30th so was out getting decorations etc. I normally am very good and just say she must have been held up somewhere but today I snapped and told him she was and we had been having a lesbian love affair for 6 months. I know it was wrong and might cause major problems for them but I was so fed up of them putting me in the middle and now I don't want to contact either of them because I know I was out of order. (ducks ready for flogging)

OP posts:
missbeehiving · 29/08/2010 16:21

I think that anything is possible with this thread, really Grin

Starberries · 29/08/2010 16:43

Grin come on OP!

megawoman · 29/08/2010 16:56

sorry family crisis am back now Blush

OP posts:
collision · 29/08/2010 17:14

we night need to know about the crisis as well,,,,,,,,

cupcakesandbunting · 29/08/2010 17:15

Get on with it then, MW.

bearcrumble · 29/08/2010 17:17

MW is it terribly hard work cutting and pasting from the worst rated stories off literotica.com?

missbeehiving · 29/08/2010 17:20

Cupcakes - get your hand out of your pants NOW! You'll go blind Grin

cupcakesandbunting · 29/08/2010 17:23

I can think of worse ways to go blind, though!

missbeehiving · 29/08/2010 17:24

True, just carry on Wink

megawoman · 29/08/2010 17:25

I am shocked at these suggestions that this is similar to friends as I was born in 1986 so I was too young to watch it and the websites you mention I have never heard of although I may have to have a look now. If you do not want me to continue I won't as I don't want to offend people that has never been my intention

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 29/08/2010 17:31

No, no, please carry on. :) Ignore us those old fogies.

bearcrumble · 29/08/2010 17:31

No, it's great. Carry on.

cupcakesandbunting · 29/08/2010 17:31

Ignore them, MW. I, for one, want to hear all about it. Grin

missbeehiving · 29/08/2010 17:33

God, don't make me beg Grin

collision · 29/08/2010 17:46

No it is nothing like Friends at all.

We were laughing because there was an episode when Ross was left out of the lesbo action and it reminded us of poor Brian.

do please carry on

megawoman · 29/08/2010 17:46

ok it gonna take me a while to type all this but here is the first bit to wet your appetite:

Well as planned we had Brian paralytic before we left the hotel.

Louise and I got back to her house and we were both exploding with passion. We threw Brian on the bed and left him there.

Where as previously we have explored each other this time Louise was prepared to give me a private show. She is such a tease. She stripped of provocatively. As I watched her undress I could already feel how turned on I was. She watched my eyes sparkle and she moved her pert nipples into her mouth. She then lowered her hands to her own genitals and proceeded to rub herself. She laid back exposing her splayed legs and I watched as she moved her fingers in and out of her warm body. I laid down alongside her and began to explore my own body. As Louise was at the point of climax I moved her hands aside and proceeded to bring her there with my tongue. Our bodies became entwined and I moved her nipples into my mouth giving them a gentle bite, Her whole body arched and whilst keeping my mouth there I slipped a finger or two back inside her wetness.

OP posts:
DiscoSquish · 29/08/2010 17:53

otorhinolaryngological caverns

bearcrumble · 29/08/2010 17:54

This reads more like instructions on how to spatchcook a chicken. 'Splayed' - ugh.

They can't be pert nipples if they stretch to her mouth, soz.

DiscoSquish · 29/08/2010 17:56

I'm still trying to work out if this bloke is married to a cow? Hmm

^Dr Mukti and other tales of woe: 'Dr Mukti' by Will Self (Bloomsbury)

Whimpering and grinding his teeth, Shiva swung open the gate and entered another of the fields on his funny farm. He herded the cow into the hoof-cratered corner by the water trough, then slipped his trousers off so he could mount her. His first wife Sandra bucked and mooed beneath him. Despite the tumult of upheaving flesh Shiva still noticed - with lofty, Brahminical pity - the sprinkling of livid spots on the inside of her anal cleft. Sandra's conical fingers, which resembled jeweller's ring trees, dug into an earthen bolster, and her high-pitched bellows rent the rapidly compressing atmosphere.
(p100)^

puddlepuss · 29/08/2010 18:06
JaxTellersOldLady · 29/08/2010 18:10

lordy on a Sunday too!

cupcakesandbunting · 29/08/2010 18:16

ROFFLE at bearcrumble's spatchcock instruction.

DiscoSquish · 29/08/2010 18:28

It IS a cow isn't it? I mean who would carry on humping someone if they could see 'livid spots' in their arse? Hmm

On the other hand this cow has conical fingers...

IWouldNotCouldNotWithAGoat · 29/08/2010 18:43

"Her whole body arched and whilst keeping my mouth there I slipped a finger or two back inside her wetness"

This is like Draft 1 from a Pornographic Writing for Dummies nightclass!

I mean, do go on this is most arousing.

Heartsease · 29/08/2010 18:43

I'm enjoying the way the latest report recalls a copper reading aloud from his notebook in court in some TV Agatha Christie: "Well m'lud... ahem... (flips pages nervously)... she then lowered her hands to her own genitals and proceeded to rub herself".

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