to lie to work

[cherrycakesparkle]

I go back to work in 3 weeks - 8 till 2 daily. Wish I didn't have to, but I do. A conference has been planned for 2 weeks after that, for the whole team from around the UK. I will have to get up at 3am to leave and would not be back till 11pm that night.

DS is breastfed and pretty full on still. He will be ok at nursery I think with expressed milk but very dependent on me to be fed to sleep and fed through the night. I think he would be distraught to wake up in the night and for me not to be there, also to go to bed with me not there. Sorry if I sound precious, I'm not trying to be.

If I explain this to work I think they will just say, tough, you need to come.

Would IBU to tell a lie and say that I have a hospital appointment on that day that can't be moved? I don't like lying (who does) but to me it's better than leaving DS all day and thinking of him crying and needing me. The conference is just a get together and I can do my job without attending.

They cannot physically force me to get on the train Lenin, but they can be long-term pissed off at me for not going.

Cherry I started reading this thread feeling really sympathetic towards you, you sound very similar to me when DS was a baby, but I agree with some posters who say that you don't appear to really want an opinion on whether you should lie to work or not. Some have been quite unpleasant in their responses but to be honest, so have you, twisting their words to suit yourself. Everybody lies about some things, but in this situation I think you should tell the truth, they are your employer. You seem so confident that you are doing the right thing for your son, why do you doubt that your employer would think badly of you for that?

Cherry you are a nasty piece of work you really are, a word of advice dont post in AIBU, if you cant take it, or are not in any way prepared to accept that some people think YABU!

FWIW, though really I dont need to explain myself. I BF both my DD's, DD1 to 6 months and DD2 to a year, I co slpet with DD2 and mostly still do, she is 2 and a half. I have a lovely close bond with both my girls.
I also have a quite hard professional job, with DD1 I ahd to do night shifts, and with DD2 I need to do 1 evening a week. Neither of them especially liked it (and DD2 can get quite upset even now), I am afraid that is life! And it does them no damage at all, they are both happy, lovely, well adjusted (not spoilt) girls with a close bond with me!
Oh and I'm a single parent.

So sicne you felt free to critise my parenting, I feel free to do the same. I think you run the risk of mollycoddling and spoling your child. i think you are a ghastly employee and dont deserve your boss to be understanding as you so clearly have so little respect for him or your job/profession.

As an employee, I run a happy little practice, I am understanding and reasonable and my staff are superb, we have low turn over and low sickness. we dont employ liers.

I know I am doing the right thing for my son Megatron, nobody could argue that I wasn't, but my employer doesn't care about my son and might be affronted that someone is telling them they are putting their family before a conference, he doesn't have children himself and I'm not sure he'd understand. I do welcome opinions Megatron, just not ones that call me pathetic or a liar!

You are a lier though, that was the whole point of the OP, asking for validation that its ok to lie about this. You just didnt like it when some of us said you were.

But Cherry, if you contact your work just now and explain that you are BF and they carry out the appropriate risk assessment, I'm sure the whole issue would become a non issue if you know what I mean! Any mention of HR to your employer I'm sure would make him take note of what you are saying.

I attended a conference for work when I was bf. I explained to my boss that I would need regular breaks to express (and took them, too!). I spoke to the hotel where the conf. was held beforehand and arranged to have a room made available for my sole use for the day (hotel supplied this free of charge, but work would have had to pay if not, as they are required to provide a private room for bf mothers to go to express -and relax- during work hours).
In the end, it was very enjoyable, tbh. I was able to relax at the conference, knowing I'd have regular breaks away from everyone's inane work chatter, and spent an hour and a half at lunchtime on my own, expressing and having a little nap! Think I also had another little lye-down at around 3 as well, if I recall. Believe me, know-one's going to ask any questions about why you have to spend so long in there!
If this is still too much for you (especially with all the driving to/from head office), would work be prepared to pay for overnight accomodation, and could your DH take time off to go with you? That way, he could bring baby to you for feeding during the day, and you'd all be together at night, and you wouldn't be exhausted from travelling (and you'd get a short break with dh!)
If none of the above is possible, then you need to lie. But do it good. Pretend you really want to go. Be really enthusiastic and discuss the arrangements you're making to make it all possible (Tell colleagues how you've bought a lovely new backpack for your expressing equipment, etc, and how much milk you've stored in the freezer. Laugh about how your dh will 'have to manage' ), then on the day before the conference phone in sick with a really vile stomach bug. This doesn't require doctor's appt, and they won't ask for other forms of proof!

macdoodle... I think you are the nasty one. You seem very angry, too, perhaps because you don't seem to have it that easy? Or maybe your BFing days are a long time ago as you don't seem to understand my predicament. Whatever, you seem to be very upset.

I'm afraid too that my employers don't share your opinion of me..I am a valued employee to them and intend to stay that way.

Thank God I am not in your employ, I'd hate to have a boss like you, however understanding and reasonable you claim to be.

Off you go and calm down now.

Oh, and as an employer, you should learn how to spell, it's liars, not liers.Though I'm willing to bet your staff have and do lie to you.

Call me a lier, or liar, if you want macdoodle...we've all been liars at some time or another in our lives.

You wont be very valuable when they discovered you have lied to them, formal warning I would think.

Thanks amistillsexy for your post, good advice.

I doubt it macdoodle.

Really Speak for yourself, I am not a liar (!!), never have been, never will be, I have been caught in the middle of a whirlpool of lies! Oh and I have morals !

Has BF really changed so much? I am surprised I thought it was fairly standard. Would appreciate it if you could explain to me whats different since I BF my children 8yrs ago and 2 years ago??

Oh my goodness. How ghastly. Chin up macdoodle: a sign of the quality of your character is the nature of those who criticise you! You certainly sound like a woman of much more integrity than the op, who is really lashing out in quite an unpleasant and unnecessary fashion. Perhaps feeling cornered, who can tell.

I don't know that it's changed macdoodle, perhaps you have just forgotten, or you BF to a timetable, as you don't seem to be able to grasp the fact that my son needs me.

I'm in HR and suggest you do not lie as you could be asked for proof or be found out.

Could you explain your situation to either your manager or HR? Persobally I would be sympathetic to your request not to attend but I realise your orgainstaion might be less understanding.

Not cornered, Appletrees, just slightly amused by you and your friend macdoodle!

And not lashing out Appletrees, just responding to your and macdoodle's insulting posts...

Thanks sandripples.

Because yours weren't insulting at all
Ok I'm hiding this thread now, you just wanted validation not any actual advice or comments, you didnt get it, so yes YABU!

Euw yuk