to lie to work

[cherrycakesparkle]

I go back to work in 3 weeks - 8 till 2 daily. Wish I didn't have to, but I do. A conference has been planned for 2 weeks after that, for the whole team from around the UK. I will have to get up at 3am to leave and would not be back till 11pm that night.

DS is breastfed and pretty full on still. He will be ok at nursery I think with expressed milk but very dependent on me to be fed to sleep and fed through the night. I think he would be distraught to wake up in the night and for me not to be there, also to go to bed with me not there. Sorry if I sound precious, I'm not trying to be.

If I explain this to work I think they will just say, tough, you need to come.

Would IBU to tell a lie and say that I have a hospital appointment on that day that can't be moved? I don't like lying (who does) but to me it's better than leaving DS all day and thinking of him crying and needing me. The conference is just a get together and I can do my job without attending.

Not at all Bolter, I agree that Casserole's post is thoughtful and well considered, oh I'm not allowed to say that am I cause it's sickening and crawling.Right.

Anyway, I really am stopping posting now... I need to stop reading this because hardnosed as I've been called, I am genuinely shocked and feel slightly shaken at the level of vitriol coming my way.In this thread I have been called -

Lame
Pathetic
A waste of space
Horrible
A nasty piece of work
Sickening
Creeping and crawling

Just for posting a genuine dilemma about breastfeeding and work, then thanking people who have posted helpfully!!!

Have just told my DH about this and he is shocked too.None of you know me, nobody who does know me would ever call me any of these things. I can, however, stand up to bullies on mumsnet like some of you. And have told a lie or too in my time.That's it.

As I have said several times, I would actually quite like to go to the conference. But people are just selectively reading what they want to read and interpreting what I say for their own ends. Determined to make something nasty out of relationship with my son and unable to understand our bond.

As it happens, I have decided after reading some of the more sensible posts that I probably will tell the truth and hope for the best with my employer. Hopefully all will be ok. I am so taken aback by the nastiness of the many angry, angry ladies on this site though that I definitely won't be posting or reading again and will do what I should have done all along which is ask my real friends and family what to do!

I think I just gave constructive comment as a long time breastfeeder and full time worker who understands not only the practical issue of expressing but also the connection and separation from a child you are feeding from. Lots of good solutions here from taking the husband and baby, taking the hired childcarer and baby, doing the conference remotely etc. They could all work really well.

Arf at tsc.

Cherry I called your suggested behaviour lame. Not you personally although I do think the way you have attacked people throughout this thread is appalling.

If you really think people have made personal attacks why not report them? Or do you realise that the majority of these so called attacks won't stand up to scrutiny?

On a more constructive note, why not name change and post on the employment issue board? You'll get the same advice but perhaps it'll be easier to hear it from hr professionals & employment lawyers (though ribena did pop over already)? Just a thought.

Think she has

Do you know what lets women down even more than people lying to their employers over breastfeeding?

Women laying into each other like they are on this thread.

We don't need any help reinforcing all thse negative stereotypes, do we? Don't bother slagging us off boys, we'll do it amongst ourselves.

Casserole you speak so much sense

I think you are doing the right thing. I know you have been a bit pasted, but in general lying always comes to bite you on the arse.

good luck

OP, I manage a large number of people and also breastfed DD for the first year. She would only sleep if she was breastfed to sleep. I was asked to attend an all day overseas meeting when DD was 7/8 months. Hope that qualifies me to see things from both "sides".

So.....I totally understand what you are sayinng and your position as a bf mother. However, if you were my employee and I ever found out you lied, I would start discplinary procedures against you for gross misconduct. I also wouldn't assume that your employer would never found out. I always find it incredible that employees make assumptions that I am not smart enough to put two and two together. As someone else has said, have an open discussion with your employer and you are legally protected. Lie, and if caught, your employer would act as i would.