...to want to stay friends with an ex?

[Explorer]

In brief, an ex and I were together for eight years, and we split up five years ago. It was painful at first but we worked through the difficult times to become close and supportive friends. He's now married, with a baby. I'm really pleased for him - he always wanted to settle down. He's a brilliant devoted dad and it's lovely to see. The difficulty is that his wife has always felt so incredibly threatened by our friendship, and has put all sorts of conditions on it. She has barely ever even managed to be polite to me, she uninvited me from their wedding, she has stipulated that we are only "allowed" to see each other once a month (if that), and on the few occasions when I have visited their house she has never made me welcome (eating separately from us, making snide comments, turning the TV on loudly when we were talking, etc). I often end up feeling really upset after these visits - but the friendship matters to me and I guess it's worth sometimes feeling crap for.
Am I being unreasonable to hope that she would be able to trust him enough to see our friendship as just a friendship, nothing threatening, not something that she has to try to control or destroy? AIBU to hope that she would try to be friendly to me out of kindness to him? I realise that she feels jealous and insecure, but AIBU to think that she doesn't have to act out her feelings like a spoilt toddler?

what's eating you ww? rennie time
friendship and love aren't always compatible
imo a true friend can step back as necessary

comeback? reflux

Just get yourself a new boyfriend for gods sake.

OP, you say that she is a good wife to your friend and he has a loving marriage. She hasn't stopped him from seeing you, but she doesn't like you. It happens, not everyone likes everyone else. What is the problem? Accept this and understand that you must either put up with it in order to maintain a relationship with your friend. If you don't like it then just walk away.

OP, please do come back when you find a new boyfriend who you are in lurve with and shagging so constantly you don't have the inclination to spend lots of time with your reliable old ego-feeding ex. Oh and do let us know how your new partner feels about the whole sitch :)

I have been in a similar situation where a close male friend (not ex though) got into a committed relationship, and he eventually told me that his GF was upset about our friendship. It was a bit horrible, because I had no feelings whatsoever for him, and hated to think that his GF (who I like) saw me as a threat. BUT I realised that he was being a bit pathetic about it (obviously not making his GF feel secure) and backed off completely for a while - didn't invite him round, made sure we weren't the last ones still at a party etc, and when he came round to mine unexpectedly, I packed him off home sharpish. I also tried really hard to make friends with his GF, we'll never be best buddies but we get on well now.

At the moment OP it probably looks to the wife as if you'll have as much of him as you can get your hands on. You need to show that you don't need him, and you are respecting her feelings - that will put the ball back in his court WRT him being a decent husband. Don't let him bitch on to you about her, it's inappropriate. If she feels better after a while, you can start being friends again. It's hard, but it's harder for her.

Get over yourself explorer, move on and forget about your ex - it sounds to me like you're still intersted in your ex otherwise why else would you be still wanting to hang out at your exs house...and getting pissed off because his wife won't accept you.

If I had a husband, I wouldn't want him hanging around his ex's unless he had children with an ex then naturally he needs to be civil with his ex for the sake of the kids....

So go out there into the bad world and find a great guy that will make you forget about wanting to hang out with your EX!

So there enough said