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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to shove 36 xmas cards up my SIL's ****?

142 replies

gobsmackedetal · 17/08/2010 08:43

this might be a bit long, but I don't want to be accused of AIBU by stealth, so let me start by admitting I'm what my DH calls "a Christmas whore". I'm all about christmas, all year round and I make no apologies for it.

I'm very careful with money, we're comfortable but I don't like wasting. I also prefer to give to charity than buy the fabulously improved 2010 barbie model for DD (iyswim).

Now, the following I'm only going to say because I'm anonymous here, nobody other than DH knows. I get very upset by the thought of people suffering and spend a lot of effort, time and money where I can, to help. We sponsor children, we organise events, we buy products and I intend to volunteer abroad in developing countries and offer my skilld once my children are 18 (15 years to go..)

Back to the point. I send about 100 christmas cards a year. I start writing them in september otherwise it wouldn't happen. I buy UNICEF cards, since I need cards why not these, I thought.

A couple of years ago I found out that my SIL has been bitching about how I'm all smug with my UNICEF cards and she hates it when people send them because it's like they're trying to show how nice and thoughtful they are while the ones that bought cards from tesco are selfish. And then she compared it to giving a goat for christmas, which I think is totally different.

I ignored it, as I thought that I'm not going to change my habits because of this snide comment. But she dropped in yesterday (we live abroad, she's over here on a holiday) when I had pulled out the cards I have left over from last year to see how many I have left, looked at them and said "oh, these are last year's designs. Are you not going to help any poor starving children this year then?". Her comment broke my heart and I said nothing, but now I regret that I didn't roll up the 36 cards and shove them up hers. Would you? Then I'd have to buy new ones and save this year's starving children (does she really think that's how it works?)

I want to let it slide but I feel so upset. Am I wrong for sending UNICEF cards? Is it really smug? Should I say anything to SIL? WWYD?

OP posts:
rainbowinthesky · 17/08/2010 08:47

WHat on earth were you doing getting out last years christmas cards in August?

innocuousnamechange · 17/08/2010 08:47

You sound achingly worthy tbh. 'All about christmas, all year round'. Really? I mean, really? She was being rude, but my god you must be hard to live with. Wrong to buy unicef cards? Not at all. Smug? By golly yes.

Psammead · 17/08/2010 08:47

Carry on doing what you are doing. Your SIL sounds like she has a bad personality. She's the one who has to live with it - not you. Just rise above any negative impact she has on your life.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 17/08/2010 08:47

It's not smug in itself. It depends how you treat those who don't send such cards. If you are smug or judgemental, or feel that you are better than those who don't help in all the ways you do.

I'm assuming you're none of that.

So I would imagine she's one of those people who feel that the actions and choices of others are intended as a criticism of them Hmm.

Don't worry about it.

pebblejones · 17/08/2010 08:49

What a strange thing for your SIL to say. This year don't send her a card, write her a letter wishing her a Happy Christmas, if she has such a problem with your cards (very odd), don't send her one.

Squitten · 17/08/2010 08:49

Of course not! Your SIL is clearly an idiot.

Where you get your cards from is your own business and if you can give some cash to charity while you're at it - why not? Better than giving it to Hallmark!

I wouldn't say anything about it - her ignorance speaks for itself. Just send her an extra big UNICEF card this year Smile

IMoveTheStars · 17/08/2010 08:50

Why why why are you worrying about Christmas in AUGUST and why are you inflicting it on us?!

ballstoit · 17/08/2010 08:51

Your DSIL is BU as are you.

Why dont you just send cheap cards and give a donation to UNICEF? They would end up with more money that the 10% they get through selling cards. Or better still dont send any cards and make a bigger donation. I guess because you want everyone to know that you have bought charity cards. Smugtastic IMO.

CoupleofKooks · 17/08/2010 08:54

jesus now we get ripped apart for sending charity cards FFS?

AIBU is getting out of hand

DuelingFanjo · 17/08/2010 08:55

ripped apart?

blimey.

diddl · 17/08/2010 08:58

Perhaps you come across as smug to her?

TheUnmentioned · 17/08/2010 08:58

What innocuousnamechange said.

sanielle · 17/08/2010 09:00

OP your sister is a nut job, clearly. I always send charity cards, don't see what the issue is. Last year actually I did send a donkey to my neice and a sponsored an indian girl for her sister. They weren't meant as smug gifts both girls get plenty of presents all year round.. and thought it would give them something to think about it. TBH we shouldn't be sending xmas cards at all really considering the environmental impact of all that paper and then the actuall sending of them. I would have told your SIL you were not the sort of stupid woman to throw out paper and waste more trees for nothing but as you are worried about UNICEF losing out I will donate the money I would have spent on your gift their way. I am sure they will really appriciate your generosity!

CoupleofKooks · 17/08/2010 09:01

"achingly worthy"
"smugtastic"
there's only been a handful of posts! you can see where it's going

CoupleofKooks · 17/08/2010 09:02

oh and "my god you must be hard to live with"!
i think some posters just lurk all day long waiting for someone to post on AIBU
then out they pop with their dictionary of insults

mummytime · 17/08/2010 09:03

If you look into it, buying cheaper christmas cards and giving the difference to charity, means charities get more. But actually how many of us remember to give the extra bit to charity?

Christmas cards in August YABU, sorry.

But your SIL does seem to have issues. And what is wrong with giving a Goat for Christmas? I have been very please to receive Fishing nets for fisher men, a sheep and plant seeds (for Africa) from my SIL. Actually anyone who knows me, bed nets against mosquitoes and midwifery kits would be gratefully received this year (that does't include you DH and DCs).

dustycups · 17/08/2010 09:05

thing is i feel there was no need to get them out while she was there, knowing she had a problem with them! kinda asking for a fight really!

i still think she is wrong to be like that though!

Original poster
gobsmackedetal · 17/08/2010 09:06

she poped in (open back door, everyone has them open here) while I had them out

OP posts:
CoupleofKooks · 17/08/2010 09:06

i think the charity cards serve as a little mental jog that we might like to think about giving to charity at christmas ourselves

presumably that is what some people are objecting to, but i think possibly UNICEF would rather you sent a card with their logo on, as it acts as a reminder, at a time of year when people are often feeling generous

TrillianAstra · 17/08/2010 09:07

Not at all comparable to buying a goat as a present, because in this scenario the receiver gets exactly what they would always have got - a card. In the goat scenario they get no present and you get a feeling of having helped someone who needed a goat.

Anyway, either you are being smug and acting superior to people who don't send charity cards or SIL has a massive chip on her shoulder. We can't really tell which.

I don't understand your "does she really think that's how it works". Well, yes, you buy more cards, you give more money to the charity, the 'poor starving children' are better off. That is how it works.

EricNorthmansmistress · 17/08/2010 09:08

Your SIL is a bit nasty and probably feels defensive, but I cannot believe it is just about xmas cards, they are such a tiny thing. Do you rub your 'good works' in people's faces? Only asking, because i always send charity cards, I like religious designs (though I'm not) and oxfam etc tend to have the best. Nobody has ever once mentioned my worthiness or even paid any attention to the fact that they are charity cards.

You are a bit odd for starting your Xmas cards in August, but hey, if it makes you happy!

theskiinggardener · 17/08/2010 09:09

She sounds like she has a problem to be honest. Nothing wrong with charity cards unless you put a big arrow inside pointing at the charity bit and write "How nice am I" in glittery pen.

LindyHemming · 17/08/2010 09:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PosieParker · 17/08/2010 09:12

You're not so different from most of us, I buy charity cards and feel the giving is when you purchase and it would be shitty to waste them(crappy for the environment). FGS don't buy more cards. The fact that the charity's name is on the card helps raise awareness.

Ignore your SIL, she sounds insecure and jealous.

PawMum · 17/08/2010 09:12

god I agree with coupleofkooks

AIBU gives wimmen a bad name!Hmm

Honestly ignore your sil and her silly comments and do what you hold dear to you. I don't buy anything from tesco because I feel they are unethical, I don't particually tell people about this, but it is something I do believe and stick to my principles for. I don't think that makes me smug I shop at iceland