WIBU to shove 36 xmas cards up my SIL's ****?

[gobsmackedetal]

this might be a bit long, but I don't want to be accused of AIBU by stealth, so let me start by admitting I'm what my DH calls "a Christmas whore". I'm all about christmas, all year round and I make no apologies for it.

I'm very careful with money, we're comfortable but I don't like wasting. I also prefer to give to charity than buy the fabulously improved 2010 barbie model for DD (iyswim).

Now, the following I'm only going to say because I'm anonymous here, nobody other than DH knows. I get very upset by the thought of people suffering and spend a lot of effort, time and money where I can, to help. We sponsor children, we organise events, we buy products and I intend to volunteer abroad in developing countries and offer my skilld once my children are 18 (15 years to go..)

Back to the point. I send about 100 christmas cards a year. I start writing them in september otherwise it wouldn't happen. I buy UNICEF cards, since I need cards why not these, I thought.

A couple of years ago I found out that my SIL has been bitching about how I'm all smug with my UNICEF cards and she hates it when people send them because it's like they're trying to show how nice and thoughtful they are while the ones that bought cards from tesco are selfish. And then she compared it to giving a goat for christmas, which I think is totally different.

I ignored it, as I thought that I'm not going to change my habits because of this snide comment. But she dropped in yesterday (we live abroad, she's over here on a holiday) when I had pulled out the cards I have left over from last year to see how many I have left, looked at them and said "oh, these are last year's designs. Are you not going to help any poor starving children this year then?". Her comment broke my heart and I said nothing, but now I regret that I didn't roll up the 36 cards and shove them up hers. Would you? Then I'd have to buy new ones and save this year's starving children (does she really think that's how it works?)

I want to let it slide but I feel so upset. Am I wrong for sending UNICEF cards? Is it really smug? Should I say anything to SIL? WWYD?

100 christmas cards? wow, thats a lot. Could you go the route of an e-card to everyone (much quicker) and donate the money you'd spend on cards and postage to your favourite cause? Think of all the time you'd have...

If you are 'all about Christmas' all year round, you might be a tad irritating to other people who think Christmas should be confined to December, and begrudge having to get organised in November for cards to people in the Far East... Be honest, do you mention Christmas to your SIL before 1st December? If so, YABU, if not and she isn't aware your card writing starts in September and is such hard work etc then YANBU.

although if I do shove those cards up hers I see how it might lead to one...

I think vinegartits has a good point.

Before i decide if you are being unreasonable I need to know why you got the cards out in front of her considering the history. Couldnt it have waited til she had gone?

BTW I have already wrapped most of the christmas presents I have brought already!

So you already had the cards out when she arrived? Thats fine...shove em up her then! LOL

fireman, read above

getting out christmas cards in Aug knowing your sil is on hol and could pop in anytime and yes you sound smug

OMG - ignore all the 'smug' accusations here OP. People are obviously having problems reading and understanding today. Unless they really think that caring for others & charity work is smug & selfish? And I do think it's a little sad that people actually feel they need to be secretive about their good deeds. Not that you need to shout "smugly" from the rooftops about it, but if you are spending considerable amounts of your time and energy on charity work then you should be able to talk about it with friends/family without being smug - it's clearly a big part of your life, why wouldnt' you want to talk about it? It's not like you're secretly taking heroin of anything. I digress ...

OP YANBU!!! Though rather than waste 36 perfectly good Xmas cards, could you not use some of last years received cards instead? Thinking of the environment as well as your SIL, I suggest this year send her a reused Christmas card - cross out the details already in there & 'reuse' it for her. Tell her it's all about the environment as well as the 'poor starving children' you are saving all around the world. That will stump her.

And YES buying Xmas cards from Tesco's, when there are so many charity cards available is selfish, short sighted and last minute - tell her that too! (but really people I don't care where you get your cards - but in my book the charity ones are nice & aren't exactly expensive)

Over breakfast this morning I saw a Christmas advertisement - crikey that's bloody early!!! It's OK though - turns out it was DD playing a Dora from the hard drive, so from last December. Whew!!!

I think that there are many aspects to charity - much more than just giving money to some poor deserving souls.

Charity might also include an attitude of tolerance and acceptance of other people's view points, lifestyles, perceptions and behaviours.

SIL might be irritating and unreasonable, but cultivating an attitude of love and generosity of spirit towards her, might be another way of living by your charitable principles.

this is beautiful venus

Of course YANBU, and it obviously touches a nerve with your SIL. Why would anyone feel the need to comment on charity Xmas cards inless you go on about it?

I buy charity Xmas cards, and have said openly in the past to friends that I don't see why people wouldn;t. given that they are as nice and as cheap as most supermarket ones and you can get them in Tesco's / Next etc. If you must send out loads of pointless paper at Xmas, a charity might as well get some of the benefit. It's not much though, it's quite shocking how little goes to them.

But, if my friends think I'm smug I don't care. We had an Oxfam wedding list (as well as vouchers) and quite a few people (usually older ones) said that they really didn't like the idea. Why? we have everything we need. Don't understand.

not much of the proceeds from charity cards actually goes to the charity. if you care that much (it sounds like you do), why not scrap xmas cards altogether and just give a chunk of cash to charity. if you send 100 cards this would be a tidy sum.

you can let people know that that's what you'll be doing from now on so they don't wonder why there're no cards.

and then sit back and have a glass of wine.

At my mum's 60th birthday she had notes on the tables and in her invites that she didn't want gifts but instead could people send donations to the maternity hospital that looked after dd1 and me. It was really well-received and a lot of money was raised.

Doesn't matter if it's children/families in this country or abroad, does it?

I like the idea of sending e-cards and then making a cash donation.

As for giving a goat, I do think about who I'm giving it to but generally I give them as an add on. For example if I'm giving a gift to a baby I'll buy the present and then buy a family-related 'good gift' because I like to give something to the wider world as a thanksgiving for the good things that happen anyway. A friend did the same thing for my dd2 and ds. And I get 'good gifts' for my dc because they love the idea that they have 'given' something to someone who doesn't have very much.

To be really honest I think you need to get over yourself bigtime

You're both as mad as each other, you for caring about stupid comments and for doing xmas in August, she for making any more out of a xmas greeting than Happy Xmas. Clearly neither of you have enough to worry about.

Why why why are you worrying about Christmas in AUGUST and why are you inflicting it on us?!

JTGK - redbull all over keyboard. I lol'd.

your SIL sounds horrible (or maybe she feels you look down on her and is as hurt by this as you are by her comment)

nowt wrong with sending charity xmas cards, not smug.

i found it smug in the extreme when old friends sent an email saying "as all our kids have so much, we are not sending kids xmas gifts this year (was totally fine with that bit, agree completely).....so we are giving a donation to charity instead". hugely irritating. no need to tell me, and i'd rather people didn't donate to charity supposedly on my behalf.

but if I tell people I won't be sending cards because I'll give the same amount to charity I'll be accused of being smug again. Funilly if I say that I'm doing it for environmental reasons everyone's happy with it

What does it matter what other people think? Do what you are happy with and stop worrying about it.

Gobsmacked, stop worrying what other people think and do what you think is right. Send cards, don't send cards, pretnd to save the planet whist giving cash to chairty, shoving cards where the sun doesn't shine - whatever is right for what you believe. You will never please everyone and there will always be someone who thinks you are smug/deluded/up yourself but that is their problem, not yours.

Then say you're doing it for environmental reasons (which aren't bad reasons in themselves), make a donation to charity, and don't tell anyone about the donation to charity. Then everyone is happy.

telling people you are not going to send them a card because you are giving money to charity is will appear smug in the extreme.

so just don't tell 'em.

we send e-greetings to most people and make/recycle last years cards for people to whom receiving an actual card means a lot. sorted.

Oh please please please buy her a goat for Christmas!

LOL Queen, I like that. I need to think about the ethics of offering to charity just to piss people off...

Is it super bitchy day today or what? Because why was I not sent the memo?

OP - Your SIL is clearly a zombie. She will attempt to eat your brains at some point in the future.