WIBU to shove 36 xmas cards up my SIL's ****?

[gobsmackedetal]

this might be a bit long, but I don't want to be accused of AIBU by stealth, so let me start by admitting I'm what my DH calls "a Christmas whore". I'm all about christmas, all year round and I make no apologies for it.

I'm very careful with money, we're comfortable but I don't like wasting. I also prefer to give to charity than buy the fabulously improved 2010 barbie model for DD (iyswim).

Now, the following I'm only going to say because I'm anonymous here, nobody other than DH knows. I get very upset by the thought of people suffering and spend a lot of effort, time and money where I can, to help. We sponsor children, we organise events, we buy products and I intend to volunteer abroad in developing countries and offer my skilld once my children are 18 (15 years to go..)

Back to the point. I send about 100 christmas cards a year. I start writing them in september otherwise it wouldn't happen. I buy UNICEF cards, since I need cards why not these, I thought.

A couple of years ago I found out that my SIL has been bitching about how I'm all smug with my UNICEF cards and she hates it when people send them because it's like they're trying to show how nice and thoughtful they are while the ones that bought cards from tesco are selfish. And then she compared it to giving a goat for christmas, which I think is totally different.

I ignored it, as I thought that I'm not going to change my habits because of this snide comment. But she dropped in yesterday (we live abroad, she's over here on a holiday) when I had pulled out the cards I have left over from last year to see how many I have left, looked at them and said "oh, these are last year's designs. Are you not going to help any poor starving children this year then?". Her comment broke my heart and I said nothing, but now I regret that I didn't roll up the 36 cards and shove them up hers. Would you? Then I'd have to buy new ones and save this year's starving children (does she really think that's how it works?)

I want to let it slide but I feel so upset. Am I wrong for sending UNICEF cards? Is it really smug? Should I say anything to SIL? WWYD?

The blindingly obvious answer is to send her a goat for Christmas.

A REAL goat. Have it delivered to her on Christmas eve, at 6pm, so she has to deal with it.

No seriously, send her an Oxfam goat, they are a great present for spoilt adults.

Can't you buy oxfam toilets? That should do it.

But don't get me started on charity gifts. Give your own fucking presents to charity not mine!

Must admit I'm a bit 'hmmm' about non charity cards. Why not just get charity ones, I always think.

I wouldn't say so to the sender obviously but to me xmas cards are charity cards, end of.

I'm with the "buy her a goat for christmas" squad.

And while I think she's an arse, YABU to waste 36 xmas cards the way you suggest, the situation might get a bit shitty

I get charity cards, and I have also sent goats, and even worse, St Mungo's presents that help the homeless (things like a toiletries pack, meal ticket or stuff for their dog). I honestly and naively thought people would be delighted not to be sent some tat they don't need and to think of someone who really needs something getting it instead. Because that's how I'd feel. I was wrong! They were a bit miffed.

I've realised a lot of people don't actually want to be reminded of other people's neediness at Christmas as it makes them feel guilty - that's probably where your SIL's anger comes from.

I don't feel like I'm smug about it but I've realised some people thought I was doing it out of smuggery.

And yes I would buy her a goat.

Who cares what she thinks. Do your thing, let her think what she likes.

YANBU. Your SIL obviously has a chip on her shoulder about something.

You ARE very organised though, which may be what's getting up her nose. My SIL is very organised too, but I admire her for it (secretly jealous too!) and wouldn't dream of having a dig at her for it.

Ignore, ignore is what I say and carry on doing what's important to you.

Oooh yes. Definitely buy her a goat. A goat for a goat I say!

YABU to be looking at Christmas cards in August and for starting to write them in September. But you SIL wBU to say that to you

Marine, yes I would be delighted not to be sent some obligatory tat. So either buy me a present you think I will really appreciate or don't bother - but please never give me a goat.

I give money to charity in my own way, of my own choosing, but it also means a lot to me to get personal and thoughtful gifts from people who care about me.

The friends I mentioned before (the smug ones) did manage to encompass everything I hate about charity gifts. One Christmas I was on maternity leave, was as skint, downtrodden, knackered etc as can be without having had a minute to myself, treated myself for months. I have no parents to buy my presents and the only gifts I ever get are from my husband and a couple of friends. This particular friend said they weren't buying gifts that year as they were paying of their mortgage giving to charity so I didn't get anything. Which to be honest was fine, I am not 12.

However we saw them on boxing day whilst she was sporting her new brora scarf and hat, smelling of Jo Malone and Space NK which were 'just the usual stocking fillers from Dad'

She bought him a goat.

I sound really shallow don't I

See this is why it's such a minefield fruitstick. I don't need any presents, I really don't, although from DP/DC is nice. But my mum, siblings etc insist on spending money on things I don't want. Then I look bad if i don't get them something. Gah! I hate it all. And yes I have suggested not bothering - didn't go down well.

I like the idea of a goat because someone who needs it gets the benefit of all this bonkers desire to spend money on stuff for each other. I can pretty much guarantee if it's from my family I'm not going to want it - I'd rather someone got a goat they did want.

That's perfectly true - but the point with charity gifts is that the gift is actually on the part of the receiver rather than the giver.

So if you feel that way, you should insist your family buy you charity gifts - because it is you who is sacrificing the present so it should be your decision. It is not for you to decide that other people should give up their gifts iyswim.

Good point. I think I assumed I'm as shit at getting them something they want as vice versa - maybe I'm not! I'm going to do as you suggest and ask for goats. :)

YANBU- You bought the cards your donation has been made, it isn't made when you send the cards.

If you are in Africa though, the southern end, I have a sneaky peek feeling I might know who your SIL is small world and all that!

I agree, fruitstick

"So if you feel that way, you should insist your family buy you charity gifts - because it is you who is sacrificing the present so it should be your decision. It is not for you to decide that other people should give up their gifts iyswim."

Your SIL sounds an unpleasant person. Either she has a problem with you or she has a fairly unusual circle of friends IMO, if she thinks there is anything odd about charity cards. We receive loads of charity cards and I usually send them too. No attempt to be smug, I just think it is nice to contribute a bit extra. I usually get them to support our local hospice.

Can you think of any charitable organization that she would have a real problem with or objection to and just send her one of those this year? I know that sounds a bit petty but I would be tempted personally.

BTW I am still bemused about starting to write your cards in September - even if it is 100. We send about 50 and can usually blitz them in a two-night session. Do you live in the sort of abroad where the last posting date is October?

BTW I am a bit of a Christmas nut too, though I wouldn't go so far as to say "I am all about Christmas".