WIBU to shove 36 xmas cards up my SIL's ****?

[gobsmackedetal]

this might be a bit long, but I don't want to be accused of AIBU by stealth, so let me start by admitting I'm what my DH calls "a Christmas whore". I'm all about christmas, all year round and I make no apologies for it.

I'm very careful with money, we're comfortable but I don't like wasting. I also prefer to give to charity than buy the fabulously improved 2010 barbie model for DD (iyswim).

Now, the following I'm only going to say because I'm anonymous here, nobody other than DH knows. I get very upset by the thought of people suffering and spend a lot of effort, time and money where I can, to help. We sponsor children, we organise events, we buy products and I intend to volunteer abroad in developing countries and offer my skilld once my children are 18 (15 years to go..)

Back to the point. I send about 100 christmas cards a year. I start writing them in september otherwise it wouldn't happen. I buy UNICEF cards, since I need cards why not these, I thought.

A couple of years ago I found out that my SIL has been bitching about how I'm all smug with my UNICEF cards and she hates it when people send them because it's like they're trying to show how nice and thoughtful they are while the ones that bought cards from tesco are selfish. And then she compared it to giving a goat for christmas, which I think is totally different.

I ignored it, as I thought that I'm not going to change my habits because of this snide comment. But she dropped in yesterday (we live abroad, she's over here on a holiday) when I had pulled out the cards I have left over from last year to see how many I have left, looked at them and said "oh, these are last year's designs. Are you not going to help any poor starving children this year then?". Her comment broke my heart and I said nothing, but now I regret that I didn't roll up the 36 cards and shove them up hers. Would you? Then I'd have to buy new ones and save this year's starving children (does she really think that's how it works?)

I want to let it slide but I feel so upset. Am I wrong for sending UNICEF cards? Is it really smug? Should I say anything to SIL? WWYD?

I expect she feels inadequate in the face of such impressive organisation.

Sure you could retaliate, but isn't that just rather childish?

You do what suits you, for reasons that you sound very happy with. Someone makes a bitchy comment and spoils it. That's life. Try not to let it get to you.

Putting aside that you do sound a little Mrs Smug from Smuggington....

Your sister-in-law was being rude, so therefore YANBU.

Really not sure why you're thinking about Christmas in August though. I am also a complete Christmas-whore, but I don't even start thinking about it until October.....

haven't read the whole thread but i don't think you sound smug at all and i know lots of people who do their xmas cards in september. you SIL sounds like she has a chip on her shoulder and tbh that is her issue, not yours. if it was me. she wouldn't be getting any card this year.

Yes you sound terribly worthy and deluded - half the people you want to help probably live in areas blighted by the destruction of rainforest to make these blessed cards! Give the whole donation to charity, sack the cards and send happy smug emails detailing your 18 year plan to be in Africa a la Angelina by the time your youngest is at Uni.

errr...Jodie I think you're completely missing the point of being secretive about it all...

If you wanted to be secretive about it why are you buying the cards which have UNICEF printed on the back? Why not just make a donation?

maybe jodie op still actually likes to send xmas cards and if she can donate to charity whilst doing that then why not? i don't think OP buys the cards just because they have the unicef logo on them.

I'm quite shocked by some of these posts tbh.

My stance is that the OP is not being unreasonable - the sil was rude and her comments unnecessary imo.

Personally, I don't send xmas cards at all. I think they are pretty pointless, bad for the environment and I can't be arsed to write them all out. So, I email everyone a mass "happy xmas" and let them know that instead of buying xmas cards I have donated some money to the nspcc. I tell them not to be smug, but so they know that I am not just too tight/unorganised/lazy to have sent them a card. If anyone thinks that is smug, frankly I wouldn't care a jot.

Also, the first year DP and I were together I asked him not to buy me a present as there was nothing I really wanted so to donate the money to a charity. He got me one of those oxfam gifts, I thought it was a lovely and thoughtful idea. Again, if people have an issue with that I couldn't are less.

I have also adopted animals for my nephews and nieces as their parents asked for no more oys as they have so many and as they are into wildlife/nature I thought it was a nice, educational thing to do, plus they get a factsheet with info about their animal.

Since when did being a nice person give people cause to ridicule you. Since when is it smug to let others know you have done a good thing but these days seems acceptable to twitter or facebook every minute detail of your life?

The worlds gone mad!!!!

OP you are NOT unreasonable!!!

oh come on, OP knows sil makes bitchy comments about her cards

OP lives abroad, sil goes on holiday to same place, OP knows she will propbably get a visit a some point

OP just happens to leave cards lying about the house (christmas cards in Aug, come on!)at the same time sil drops in for a visit

coincidence?

conveniently left out incase sil drops in so op can have a bitch about her snidey jokey comments

Oh my god, the OP sends charity cards?! You hold her down and I'll kick her.

HAHA VinegarTits!

Christmas Cards in August is RIDICULOUS!

You can certainly tell its nearing the end of the holidays. All that pent up anger and frustration is coming out on AIBU

OP - you aren't being unreasonable. And if you want to write your christmas cards in january for the coming christmas - hey - go on - its not going to hurt anyone is it

Im not on holiday, Im angry all the time :)

Why is it ridiculous?

Last night I sorted out my kitchen drawer. If you'd walked in you'd have found me holding a packet of Christmas gift labels and some Xmas cookie cutters. And I then stood there deciding where to put the labels so I'd remember them come December.

And I buy gifts all year round, sometimes because they are in the sales and sometimes because I see the 'perfect' thing.

And at the weekend someone in the village had a plant stall to raise money to buy things for the Christmas shoebox thing. Is that ridiculous, too?

Gobsmacked, anyone who thinks you are being smug or ridiculous is only making a judgement. It's totally subjective, like every judgement, and judgements like this are all about projection. What we most fear about ourselves we project onto others.

Ignore ignore. Although I tend to find smugness an all encompassing thing, rather than a specific act.

I have some friends who are very smug IMO and now everything they do is interpreted by me as smug. Another set of friends could do exactly the same and it wouldn't bother me v

It's my issue, not theirs.

Exactly, fruitstick.

I used to look at the yummy mummies at school and think they were smug, shallow and self-obsessed, but actually they just flagged up to me how inadequate I felt after getting all fat and old and frumpy after the dc. It was all about me and how deep down I wanted to get a bit of self-esteem and sort myself out and I just put it onto them.

I'll tell you who is smug. Fiona Bruce, that's who.

The people who sound smug are the people who regularly clean out their drawers and organise things for the sodding village fair!

Only joking, I thought she was actively going through her christmas cards rather than just coming across them randomly in the presence of her sister. I had visions of the log fire being stoked up and the mulled wine being passed around :o

OP - Tell her to f-off and don't send her ANY card this year. cheeky cow. And if it makes you feel better, i make my Christmas cards, and started 3 days ago.... so you're not the only Christmas whore! x

Hows this for smug - we have Christmas cards with our CHILD on them! And I love it!

are you american?

No. We just make really good looking children.

sorry, that sounded judgemental towards you AND americans, didn't mean to be, I just think that photo-cards are more of an american tradition

yeah, mine are gorgeous too, it's actually upsetting because nobody can appreciate their beautiful character as people simply can't see past their good looks

Not at all. It is a highly American thing to do and I inwardly cringe with delight as I post them off. But secretly I am proud!