Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To split up due to DH going to lapdancing club?

432 replies

chocolatte2 · 09/08/2010 10:47

DH was on a stag do at the weekend. Asked him to not go to LDC as hate everything about them. He assured me that it wouldn't be that kind of weekend. Stag not a dirty pervert kind of guy.

Admitted last night did go & got lapdance. (think about 15 blokes & 4 got dances) WTF! He then admits on further questioning to have gone once before when our 1st born was 4wks old!!! Was promoted& boss paid!! This he has kept from me for 5 years!

Now I know some will say, it's only a titty bar, chill out but we have had a terrible year. Found out before Xmas he had taken girl colleague out for a drink by herself. They had a small kiss at end of night. I found out by a text mess next day. Feel this may have developed into affair if I hadn't caught him out.

This was so out of character for my so called loving DH and father. He never flirted with girls, never remarked on girls on tv or when we were out. Actually I really loved this about him. Really never had to worry about him cheating etc.

Anyway, I was devastated, completely broken. He was so remorseful- stopped nts out etc. We had counselling which helped. We were just beginning to get back on track though I am so sad about all that happened & how the wonderful (smug) marriage we had was over & we had to start afresh.

This is why I really cannot be believe he has hurt me like this again. Up all last night crying- both of us, I really cannot see a way forward. I just feel he has no respect for me or our kids. When I think of him at that club when our baby was a newborn & I was postnatal, it makes me feel physically sick.

What I need to know is- has anyone experienced similar. I really can't see a way forward but I truly love him & he is a wonderful dad. I feel like a doormat!

OP posts:
LeQueen · 10/08/2010 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oblomov · 10/08/2010 21:20

you know when you make aflippant comment and it gets built up into something grand, better than it actually was.
i think thta has happened to me here Blush
dh is total ordinary bloke. manager of box in box out company. wouldn't matter to him if it was baked beans really. just happens to be adult products. supplies anne summers etc.
fortunately trade is buzzing Wink

so now you know. not that exciting.

he struggles to cope with all the damaged rabbits etc that get damaged intransit from far east.
maybe MrLeQ could come round to play Wink and help him come up with ideas to get rid of excess stock Grin

AnyFucker · 10/08/2010 21:27

ob...serious question

why would you think I would disapprove of that ?

fucking hell, I was thinking he was a pimp or summat...

FellatioNelson · 10/08/2010 21:30

No No, Ob that is not something that sounded better than it actually is - how can you say that? That is priceless. Your DH is in charge of shipping Anne Summers rabbits! You couldn't have made it up.Grin

Cheepz · 10/08/2010 21:32

ob do you get to try out samples ....

everythingiseverything · 10/08/2010 21:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Spacehopper5 · 10/08/2010 21:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

AnyFucker · 10/08/2010 21:41

space...I was talking to ob

Alouiseg · 10/08/2010 21:44

Yes Oblomov, You know where you could find a few beta testers :o

Oblomov · 10/08/2010 21:46

well, i had to tell you all that it wasn't as exciting as all the hefner suggestions. you were all getting a bit carried away, right Wink
AF is is adult sex industry type thing. not the kind of thing you sing from the rooftops. he was a MD, lost his job, took this one. not exactly something you can tell people. have only told one of the mums at ds's school. normally I just say that he is an ops manager. becasue thats what he is.
yes i do any testing i want. Grin
not that interested to be honest. all my friends/nieces ask for products, rabbits, tongues etc. no problem. i break up the chocolate willies into small bits and feed it to the kids.there is so much stock that you can't get rid of. damaged boxes. nothing wrong with product. but you can't sell on e-bay so it just gets disposed of.

Alouiseg · 10/08/2010 21:46

Dh is gutted he won't be visiting the Mansion any time soon, that grotto could have led to all sorts of aibu's.

HerBeatitude · 10/08/2010 21:49

Blimey Oblomov can't you set up a MN clearance outlet? You'd make a fortune!

Spacehopper it's beyond stupid to pretend there is nothing wrong with pimps. Stop being so silly, it's not big and it's not clever.

Oblomov · 10/08/2010 21:52

They pay people to be testers. not sure how much it is. not as much as 'you've been framed ' £250 per clip, i don't think. i don't really know. i don't think they mind being testers though Grin
developing the next new thing, the next rabbit etc that is going to take the market by storm, is big business.

HerBeatitude · 10/08/2010 21:54

ROFL at paying people to test sex toys.

I have never seen those jobs advertised.

HerBeatitude · 10/08/2010 21:55

You couldn't do it for 8 hours a day though.

franklampoon · 10/08/2010 21:56

come back Larry, you are the voice of reason.
Good point about a man threatening to slice off his wife's breasts if she was unfaithful.Can you imagine the outcry on mn?

" I do not know whether it is MN or women in general who have picked up this terrible misandry. I suspect it is a vocal minority of posters on MN. I would really despair were it not for the 20-30% of reasonable posters prepared to argue for a bit of forgiveness of human frailty. Some of you need to imagine how the feminist community would react to your posts were they written by a man about a woman."

Larry I do hope you are right and the views here do not represent women in general

AnyFucker · 10/08/2010 21:56

ob, it is nothing you should feel you can't tell people

< peruses drawer-full of goodies organised in alphabetical fashion >

HB...best not to respond to the shit-stirrer, I feel

trying to engineer an argument out of fuck-all...certainly not big, nor clever

Oblomov · 10/08/2010 21:56

HerB, anyone can log on and volunteer. they require feedback, its too 'ard Wink not nobbly enough, doesn't girate enough etc etc. they don't ask for the product to be returned !!!

AnyFucker · 10/08/2010 21:58

frank...in case you haven't noticed, your latest post is completely out of context

the thread has moved on, perhaps you would consider doing the same ?

Snobear4000 · 10/08/2010 21:58

I'm not suggesting that pimps are wrong or right. I'm just asking 'so what' - if he is or if he isn't - does anyone care? Who has the hours in the day to sit and feel outraged?

HerBeatitude · 10/08/2010 22:00

Yes you're right AF. I'll ignore these half-wits. Grin

AnyFucker · 10/08/2010 22:02

is that name change or have you outed yourself, sno ? Hmm

AnyFucker · 10/08/2010 22:03

half-wits is spot on Grin

the trolls can't even remember to maintain a proper name change these days...

poor show

Sabie · 10/08/2010 22:04

Go back to Counselling, talk about it some more in a safe environment. If he's committed he'll go through it again and you might be able to understand better. Don't do anything rash and don't feel you have to decide right now what you want...make no promises....good luck.

Sabie · 10/08/2010 22:04

Go back to Counselling, talk about it some more in a safe environment. If he's committed he'll go through it again and you might be able to understand better. Don't do anything rash and don't feel you have to decide right now what you want...make no promises....good luck.