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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this present rejection is odd?

161 replies

OneTwoBuckleMyShoe · 06/08/2010 16:19

A friend ours recently her DD christened and so off I went to buy a nice present, being an RE teacher I had the perfect one in mind, our cathedral shop do some really beautiful illustrated Bible stories that are a lovely to keep etc for when she is older.

I was very chuffed with the gift and so was a bit surprised to receive it back today with a slightly terse note saying that they couldn't accept the gift as the DH was not at all religious.

Er well excuse me but he was the one at the font promising to renounce the Devil etc etc

AIBU to think this is a bit [hmmm] and should I say anything or just keep the rather lush book of stories for my DD to enjoy when older?

OP posts:
Original poster
OneTwoBuckleMyShoe · 06/08/2010 16:19

*of ours

OP posts:
BlingLoving · 06/08/2010 16:20

Definitely odd. But I wouldn't say anything. Although if it's a good friend I'd be tempted to mention in passing.

colditz · 06/08/2010 16:21

Keep it for yours. People are very hypocritical about christenings etc.

When I explained why my children won't be christened, one of my aquaintences piped up "But you don't have to be religious" ... I happen to rather think you do!

Pancakeflipper · 06/08/2010 16:21

Keep and enjoy it. Why they got their kid christened when they don't do God is ridiculous. They should have had a naming ceremony.

I'd be peeved off with them though.

thisisyesterday · 06/08/2010 16:21

omg! on so many levels!

why have her christened if they're so unreligious they can't even have a book of stories in the house?

if they didn't want it they should have just put it in the attic, and thanked you for it regardless

I have to say if it were me I would write a note back saying "oh how odd, as you had her CHRISTENED, I assumed you we're Christian. My mistake. I won't send any more gifts in future in case I offend you"

but i;m like that

PosieParker · 06/08/2010 16:22

So it's alright to use the church for a good bash and mock the Vicar but not to have a book in the house with Bible stories? How weird.

I always make a point of buying a religious gift when attending a christening, sometimes to make a point to those that never go to church or sometimes aren't even married. I am an Atheist!

LadyBlaBlah · 06/08/2010 16:24

Somebody returned a gift??

Wonders never cease

Colliecross · 06/08/2010 16:24

YANBU and they are crazy as well as very rude indeed.
To return your gift - ouch!
Because they are NOT RELIGIOUS? Why the christening? Was it some new atheist christening service that the rest of us don't know about?

aquavit · 06/08/2010 16:24

I think it's a bit rude of them not to have explained nicely, or do what thisisyesterday suggests. Is it possible that the DH was prepared to go along with a christening because the child won't remember it, and perhaps because other members of the family were keen for it, but he doesn't want to have her come into contact with too much religious material when she's more aware?

not really sure why I'm trying to think up scenarios in which this is defensible...

Longtalljosie · 06/08/2010 16:25

Wow that's weird! I mean, plenty of people get their children christened when they're not religious, which is a whole other thread - but to get your child christened and then kick up a fuss when you get an appropriate gift... they're being ridiculous. Keep the book. I'm not sure if you should say anything - if you do your point about him at the font promising to renounce the devil is a very good one!

curlymama · 06/08/2010 16:25

That is very wierd! I'd have to say something, even if it was just a note saying that you were sorry they didn't like the present, but you thought a book with stories about God was a suitable gift for a child whos parents had just promised to bring them up with a faith!

nobiggy · 06/08/2010 16:25

Got off his high horse long enough to go into church for a morning then.

Twerp.

RubberDuck · 06/08/2010 16:25

How utterly odd.

I do the same as Posie - although I do keep an eye open for other nice personal gifts I think would suit.

Mind, we had a non-religious naming ceremony, were quite open about why it was a naming ceremony not a christening, requested no gifts and STILL got given a children's bible and prayer book :o We wrote a nice thank you letter and they're in the dcs bookshelves (and actually do get read from time to time).

DomesticG0ddess · 06/08/2010 16:26

YANBU
I know a lot of people christen their DC when they are not particularly religious (which seems a bit odd to me anyway), but to return a bible which was a christening present just seems completely hypocritical. Hypocritical and bizarre! Not to mention rude! I can't imagine returning any present with a terse note like that, even if someone gives DS a bible as a birthday present (we are not religious either and would have a christening for that reason). Just plain stupid - even if you are not religious, what is the problem with learning about all religions?

I don't know what you can say though - they obviously don't think it is hypocritical or rude otherwise they wouldn't have done it, so perhaps you just bite your tongue and say nothing (which is quite difficult to do I know).

Maylee · 06/08/2010 16:28

WTF? Why on earth did they have their child christened if they are not religious??

I admire your self-control - I'd be the first to ask them why they bothered.

It sounds like a lovely gift by the way x

diddl · 06/08/2010 16:31

We fall into the category of not that religious but had children christened.

I would have loved a Bible for them both tbh.

I used to go to Sunday school & was given a Bible when I left & love it.

Also have a book of Bible stories-which the children referred to when doing the same ones at school.

Original poster
OneTwoBuckleMyShoe · 06/08/2010 16:32

aquavit I think you may be right, I had the impression that the pressure came from DW's side of the family.

HJowever this book makes it very clear these are stories and not preachy in any way so no different to having Goldilocks etc!

Still bonus for DD!

I will be mentioning something in passing as I see my friend very regularly!

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ChunkyChick · 06/08/2010 16:33

They are hypocritical and incredibly rude. If not being tainted by anything religious was so important to the husband why didn't he insist on a naming ceremony? Unbelievably crass to return the gift. I would be SO offended. Even if they hate it, it was a thoughtful gesture on your part. They should have just smiled, said thank you, and put it in a cupboard.

OrmRenewed · 06/08/2010 16:33

How ridiculous. And hypocritical.

Not to mention rude.

ShatnersBassoon · 06/08/2010 16:33

Keep it, and highlight their hypocrisy at every opportunity.

At what point do non-religious parents who have their child Christened wonder why the bloody hell they've decided to do it? Probably when they open the Christening gifts and realise everything's got Jesus and crosses and stuff on, and isn't much use to them.

I'm the same as Posie; atheist and always give something obviously Christian. I'm more than happy to land hypocrites with presents they'll struggle to love.

whoopstheregoesmymerkin · 06/08/2010 16:33

YANBU
what incredibly rude woman. I am really apalled on your behalf!
I would print off the thread and send it to her. She is hardly a friend.

Original poster
OneTwoBuckleMyShoe · 06/08/2010 16:34

Just to clarify it was not a Bible as such, rather a collection of the child friendly stories like Noah, Jonah, Good Samaritan etc

OP posts:
LouMacca · 06/08/2010 16:35

ChunkyChick has said it perfectly. How hypocritical and incredibly rude! YADNBU.

Aitch · 06/08/2010 16:36

unbelievably rude. tell her you're turning the other cheek. not that she'll know what you're talking about... Hmm

SanctiMoanyArse · 06/08/2010 16:36

Rude, odd and hugely missing the point

Sounds like a lovely gift OneTwo and it's definitely a case of them, not you.