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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this present rejection is odd?

161 replies

OneTwoBuckleMyShoe · 06/08/2010 16:19

A friend ours recently her DD christened and so off I went to buy a nice present, being an RE teacher I had the perfect one in mind, our cathedral shop do some really beautiful illustrated Bible stories that are a lovely to keep etc for when she is older.

I was very chuffed with the gift and so was a bit surprised to receive it back today with a slightly terse note saying that they couldn't accept the gift as the DH was not at all religious.

Er well excuse me but he was the one at the font promising to renounce the Devil etc etc

AIBU to think this is a bit [hmmm] and should I say anything or just keep the rather lush book of stories for my DD to enjoy when older?

OP posts:
ItsGraceActually · 06/08/2010 20:25

Christening means naming. That's all. Being your average atheist, I wouldn't know the finer differences between church rituals, but perhaps you can see it feels odd to be told I wasn't christened?

Back on thread, I'm startled by posts about people not knowing basic religious mythology (like what Eden stands for, David & Goliath, etc). That's wilfully inflicting cultutal poverty on your children! Grrr!

My education included broad-sweep, but fascinating, teaching on all the major religions. Maybe if they brought that back, more people would be able to see how 'conflicting' religions actually have more similarities than differences ...
Oops, wandered off topic again Blush

zipzap · 06/08/2010 20:29

I'd be tempted to say that if it is just because her husband won't read the stories to their dd that they have returned the book, that you will keep it until she is old enough to read and enjoy the stories herself. And explain (as everyone has done so much better already on here) that even if they aren't religious people, it's a basic part of a good education to know the bible stories and that many children (religious families or not) love their bible story books.

and of course your dd gets to read the book in the mean time Grin

radstar · 06/08/2010 20:32

itsgraceactually You can have a name without being christened!

A baptism is usually used when an adult decides to join the christian faith although some denominations use the term for infants, a christening is when parents dedicate their child to christianity.

mitochondria · 06/08/2010 20:34

YANBU.

I am an atheist. I haven't been christened, neither have my children. I didn't get married in church.

If someone had given my children a book of Bible stories I would probably keep it - they are only stories. We have lots of other stories in the house.

I certainly wouldn't return it - how rude!

seanbonfire · 06/08/2010 20:38

YANBU

For all the reasons everyone else has stated. Returning a gift is SO rude! It is a GIFT fgs. How they had the nerve to return it is beyond me.

hanreeoak · 06/08/2010 20:39

SO RUDE!!! So basically they only wanted a Christening so that they got gifts (of their choice) So Rude!!!! YANBU.

Its rude to return a gift, its the fact that a person has gone and taken the time, the thought and used their cash to buy you a gift.

KERALA1 · 06/08/2010 20:43

I think the whole religious aspect is a red herring. Its the returning of a present that I find Shock. An acquaintance of my mothers knitted dd the most truly vile (sort of flourescent pink) outfit but still you pretend to like it and send a thank you note. To return a present...I just cant articulate how wrong that is!

rookiemater · 06/08/2010 20:44

Is she returning it in order to receive a more "acceptable" gift ? I do hope not as in your shoes it would be a very long time before I purchased another gift for their family.

tokyonambu · 06/08/2010 21:24

I presume their local primary school of choice is CofE?

StealthPolarBear · 06/08/2010 21:40

i think it's only acceptable to return a gift if it's the wrong size and you are swapping it for similar. Even then I wouldn't return it, would sort it out myself if at all possible.

BootyMum · 06/08/2010 21:53

Agree with thisis yesterday. This is very strange and rude behaviour in my opinion.

Summerbird73 · 06/08/2010 22:00

DH and I were asked to be god parents last year. We said to the parents that we would love to but we are not religious at all. Parents said 'oh dont worry neither are we, we are just doing it anyway'. So DH and I agreed - and we bought godson a lovely little baby bible. Parents laughed at us and said we were 'sucking up to the vicar'

we cant win! Hmm Grin

xstitch · 06/08/2010 22:06

Disgustingly rude ime. Even if you receive the most hideous gift ever you NEVER return it. Even if you forget the fact they had a christening they didn't have to use the book.

I like the ideas of informing the CofE school headmaster and the etiquette book although I would begrudge giving that family anything ever again. Even my dp who is very anti organised religion agrees.

maryz · 06/08/2010 22:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StealthPolarBear · 06/08/2010 22:18

We have just had DD christened and I found it odd that people did give her clothes/toys etc. I thought most christening gifts were of the memento type - bibles, ornaments etc.

susitwoshoes · 06/08/2010 22:23

I haven't read the whole thread so apologies if someone's already said this - but the present wasn't for the DH. It was for the DC who had just been christened, welcomed into the Church. Unbelievably rude and ignorant. I'd cross them off your Christmas card list - oh, but surely you don't send them Christmas cards? I mean, if the DH isn't religious . . . Grin

pigletmania · 06/08/2010 22:30

YANBU how rude and hypocritical Shock Me thinks that they only want their child christened for a chance to have a big knees up. Even if they dont like the gift they should have passed it on, not give it back. I would really think hard about this friendship.

needafootmassage · 06/08/2010 22:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NiandraLaDes · 06/08/2010 23:35

This is deeply strange. Firstly, the rudeness. I have received gifts that weren't to my taste, or were religious (the religion that I was raised in ,but have since left), but I have never, ever returned any of them. Beyond rude! Anyway, they were still gifts given by family / friends, so they were meaningful for that reason, and so were special and to be kept.

Secondly, the hypocrisy... To Christen your child into a Christian faith and then return a gift for being too Christian?? Mad.

Frankly, I think they are greedy, grasping folks, who jumped on a religious ceremony as a reason to get gifts... Their list of what they 'expected' to get? Seriously greedy, and says it all... Honestly, I'd question my friendship with people like that.

StewieGriffinsMom · 06/08/2010 23:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lemonysweet · 07/08/2010 00:11

OH MY GAWD.

they both sound like a total nightmare.
hypocritical and RUDE.

i am atheist. i could rant on for decades about my personal views on religion.
my DD's were not christened, although there was pressure from my mother.
i am also godmother to my friends daughter. her DH is christian, and it meant a lot to them both, so i did it, and she is the most wonderfully inquisitive 7 year old you could ask for, and asks lots of questions about God and where we came from.

i like how someone on here mentioned people getting married in churches whem they are not religious and it hasnt been picked up by most posters!
which is worse. christening your child even though you are not religious, or getting married in a church even though you are not religious?

i cant believe they returned your gift though, it sounds lovely, and i would have welcomed such a thoughtful gift for my daughters despite my atheism.

cat64 · 07/08/2010 00:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ChippingIn · 07/08/2010 01:56

YANBU

Another atheist here, I wouldn't get my child christened, but if by some most unlikely scenario ended up married to a man who was and we had children and he felt strongly about doing so I'd probably go along with it as I feel it can't do any harm and if he feels it's important then, well... hey ho - but I would then expect if anyone got the child a gift, it would be a religious one... seems to make sense to me?!

I loved the bible/books of stories as a child - I even went to bible school because I wanted to - it hasn't done me any harm Grin

They are rude beyond words - Christening = you should expect presents, if there are any, to be of a religious nature not clothes, toys etc and it's the baby's book, put it away until the 'baby' can read it by themselves.

YeahBut · 07/08/2010 02:15

Returning a gift, particularly one with so much thought involved, is beyond rude. Surely it is one of the basics of being a kind, considerate human being (regardless of religious belief), that you accept gifts with thanks and courtesy, even if those gifts end up at the local charity shop later for someone else to enjoy!
And to keep on trying to justify it!Shock

YeahBut · 07/08/2010 02:15

Returning a gift, particularly one with so much thought involved, is beyond rude. Surely it is one of the basics of being a kind, considerate human being (regardless of religious belief), that you accept gifts with thanks and courtesy, even if those gifts end up at the local charity shop later for someone else to enjoy!
And to keep on trying to justify it!Shock

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