to think its irresponsible for my OH to leave our 2 yr old downstairs on his own?

[YummyMummy1208]

Argh!

I'm so angry with him rite now and generally since our little boy was born cos he just has no clue how to watch him properly but if i ever have a go at him its 'oh shes off again...' and switches off.

Is this just a general 'men' thing??

Thismorning is a prime example, hes been taking over morning duties of late due to me being 7 month pregnant so thismorning he takes DS1 downstairs and then i can hear him saying 'So r u gonna stay downstairs and be a good boy while Daddy has a shower?' now forgive me if im being unreasonable but surely im not the only one here thinking you dont leave a 2.5 yr old downstairs - on his own - while u go upstairs to have a shower??

Whats everyones opinion on this one - Am i being unreasonable to have a go at OH??

Well if you don't like it then either:

1. Get up yourself and watch DS

1. Babyproof the downstairs of your house. No doubt there will come a time when you are alone in the house with DS and a new baby and won't be able to watch him that closely.

1. Ask your DH to take DS into the bathroom with him.

lol at traceybath, yes i do think there are some hormones in there exaggertaing the crime a little but its just an ongoing issue.

the whole trapped fingers issue occured when my OH was asked to spend just ten minutes one on one attention with DS as he doesnt ever 'play' as such with him and i wanted them to have some play time yet he couldnt hold his concentration long enough before reading a CD case and letting DS entertain himself (which is fine!) but on this occasion i just wanted him to give DS ten minuted of attention without doing other things.

i think its all the little things that have happened which no one knows about that have all mounted up to cause one big issue. and my point isnt coming across very well on here as no one knows the past and it would take too long to explain it!

Just want OH to be more attentative with DS thats all,is that too much to ask?

I have other people i can get to do the draws etc but in my time with Ds i have never needed this safety net as i dont leave him alone unless i can hear what he's doing.
if my OH wants to have a longer reigns with Ds then shouldnt he have figured out himself that he needs extra baby proofing or do i need to do all the thinking for him?

I have a 2 yr old - he entertains himself around the house all the time - when I'm doing washing etc. We've got one cupboard that is out of reach that has all the chemicals in. Never had stairgates in this house as DD fell downstairs onto one after climbing over the one at the top of the stairs in our old house and I think they can be more dangerous than having nothing. So to childproof this house has been cost free and pretty easy.

I would agree with everyone on this thread that you need to have a good talk with the OH - meeting in the middle on subjects is an ongoing thing when you have dc, it gets worse as they get older and you have more dc. Learn how to really talk now - it will help in the future!

Good luck with dc2.

shower at night is nigh on impossible when you have light sleepers.

You really are deluded arnt you?

Christ, you can tell its the school holidays.

Sort ursen owt n strt talkin propa like den u mite get a better reponse no wot a mean?

What on earth was that about knickers0nmyhead?? my DS is a very light sleeper and i manage just fine having a shower when he's in bed!

Im actually at work, im 24 and work full time and have done since i finished university last year if the school holidays comment was trying to refer to me as being young, sorry for not wanting to typer every single word out, how behind with times are u? fyi i havent actually used the abreviations den and 'n' so please get it rite before u bitch. what do i need to spell everything out now for you to be able to read??

and i dont actually shower at nite very often as i somehow manage to shower in the morning without leaving my 2 yr old downstairs on his own. look at that.

oooh handbags

FYI MNers are not particularly fond of txtspk and infers LOTS about a poster who uses it

Oh, and I've got four words of advice for you:

righty tighty, lefty loosey

HTH

your local children's centre can give you free cupboard and drawer locks. My one even lends out stairgates for next-to-nothing, so it's worth asking them.

"but unless i spend 50 odd quid on babyproofing then the situation is still going to be the same is it not? I can do all the moving bleach etc around but i do not have the money to be buying stairgates/cuboard clips etc when as selfish as this sounds, its not me who needs them"

You really think it's not worth spending £50 to help protect your son from danger? Why not ask your dh to purchase safety stuff if you don't have the funds? Not that I think it would cost £50 as you can get a kit from poundland and a stairgate for around £20 and ask your dh to watch ds while you move things in the cupboards around.

Your money situ is messed up imho but that's up to you and your DH. Personally we have a joint bank account and share everything, our home, our children, our time, our family/ friends and money as imho that is what being a family is about and this is where you are fundamentally floored on top of having communication issues.

BoysAre

I always say "right is tight, left is loose". But I prefer your version.

OP I think people are responding negatively partly because of your delorable 'writing' style, which is perhaps unfair(perhaps you could try NetMums? ), but also because you are so defensive & aggressive towards anything that's not a pat on the head...

It seems to me that you need to look deeper than cupboards and showers. Your relationship is plainly hopelessly imbalanced: I have never in my life heard of a mother allocating her partner precisely ten minutes in which he must interact with his child. No-one, not the most involved and saintly of fathers, is going to respond positively to that sort of treatment.

Can't remember who suggested Relate, but I do think you should consider going...

And sod pregnancy hormones: it's not an accuse for being a shrewish auld harridan.

Stewie I hadn't thought of that (re. dyslexic or partially sighted MNers). Much better reason for the Queen's English than my pedantry I must say!

we have our own money, i spend mine he spends his. nothing wrong with that its just until we are settled (we r emmigrating next year) we dont feel the need to share bank accounts etc.

stairgates will cost 15 each and we need 2, then theres the cuboard+draw clips, we tried buying cheap poundland ones but they just dont work.

I am taking advise from people on here btw, the only reason i made comments back is after people started offending me as a person when i dont really see how this will help knowing im a moaning hag etc??
I plan to buy stairgates, will have to pay for them myself as oh wont pay so another expense for me when im already buying all of the baby's things and trying to save for emmigrating next year. i just dont c y i should do all of the thinking in our family, y couldnt he have thought 'we need a stairgate on the kitchen honey' and gone and bought one?? y do the women do all the thinking?

urm....no actually, it was nothing to do with your age. Text speak on a forum is just vile. I use my phone and still manage to type correctly, so yes, you should do it properly.

My kids have free reign of the house, bar the kitchen. So if they are downstairs whilst I get a shower, then so what. Ds is not even two and he can climb the stairs and come back down.

urm....no actually, it was nothing to do with your age. Text speak on a forum is just vile. I use my phone and still manage to type correctly, so yes, you should do it properly.

My kids have free reign of the house, bar the kitchen. So if they are downstairs whilst I get a shower, then so what. Ds is not even two and he can climb the stairs and come back down.

I tend to agree with starlight. Feeling sorry for yummy now.

But yummy, there is no one right way of parenting. Your DH's method may be different from yours it isn't wrong. And as he is your son's parent too you have to trust him. Accidents happen and most of them don't cause major injuries - and it is a way for a child to learn.

"We don't feel the need to share bank accounts"
"I will have to pay for them myself as oh won't pay so another expense for me when I'm already buying all of the baby's things"

You are contradicting yourself.

StewieGriffinsMom but its ok to use the whole mumsnet abreviations then - like OH/MN/DS etc?? so there are now rules by which i have to type in order to not have you guys jumping down my throats?? thats bizzare.

I will type how i like, dont c what that has to do with me other than im 24 and thats how we grew up typing, just like the 18 yr olds now who use terms like 'dem' meaning 'them' etc. u dont need to stereotype from the way people type.

why do people take things so literally, i didnt 'allocate' ten minutes for my OH to interact with Ds, i was cooking dinner and so tried to encourage him to have one on one time by saying 'y dont u take him to ur van for ten minutes?' as i know he loves daddys van. jees. i didnt say 'u have ten minutes to go and socialise with ur son and dont come back until its completed'

i totally agree im OTT and need to tone down so a little unreasonable but he is also unreasonable and needs to tone it UP a little.

"The simple question was y didnt he just bring him up to me? I was rite upstairs." Maybe because he thought a child who, in some countries, would by now be in compulsory education, was old enough to be left alone for five minutes and trusted not to drink bleach while simultaneously circumcising himself with the Kitchen Devil.

You might not agree but that does not make him wrong.

and, if you use them, then stair gates, locks etc are not for your or your husband's benefit. They are for your child's benefit.

If your husband really won't chip in and that is the sticking point then add the money on to something else that you buy on behalf of both of you (a bill payment, an online shop, a holiday) - he's not going to notice fifty quid in that context (not that they cost that much in Argos) and it will save all this pissing about.

"y do the women do all the thinking?"

Get.

Fucked.

"Why do the women do all the thinking?"

In most relationships they don't OP - I can't tell if its just your OH you don't like or men in general?

If you are unhappy then he probably is too and him leaving your DS for a couple of minutes while he has a shower is the least of your problems. You don't want to hear that though do you?

The reasons for not using text speak have been spelt out for you but you are still doing it, looks like your OH isn't the only one who doesn't think about others.