To think members of the public should let me make safety decisions for my own children?

[nikki1978]

I am not one of those mums who won't let their child go on a climbing frame alone for fear they might fall off but neither am I neglectful. Yet when out if I let my DC climb on a wall without holding their hand, climb up steep grass verges or do anything that involves the tiniest amount of risk people are forever rushing up to the kids saying are you ok, then looking at me and asking is he/she ok? I am clearly standing there supervising them doing something but personally feel they are having fun doing it and obsessive hovering is not necessary. I often get "oh aren't you brave, I would be terrified to let my DC do that" or "Isn't that a bit dangerous?". Er no it is not dangerous you judgemental, overprotective, giant freak!

Oh rant over

I was chatting to me friend today. She is one of those who gasp and clutch at the sight of my boys doing their thing. She knows she does it and is trying to be more relaxed around them

We live in a 'Place'. The houses are set around an oval green. Its brilliant for the kids. They have to cross the road to get to it but only people who live or visit here use it. All the kids play out from quite an early age. Quite a few mums sit out and watch them (proper East End style).

She told me her girl and a friend (5yrs) were playing on the pavement, sitting down half in her front garden. She was with them. A woman in a car drove past then reversed back and told her off for letting the children play there!

Idiot. The fact she reversed back up the road was far more dangerous than anything the kids were doing!

OP, YANBU!

DS has been very athletic and co-ordinated for his age from early on. Climbed up the big slide aged 18 months, that sort of thing. Busy-body jobsworth strangers have been trying to get me to control his adventurous wants and needs ever since.

Do I think it's right that I go up to them and say, "You should not let your kid eat McDonalds", or "You know, Haribo isn't part of your five-a-day", or "Isn't six years too old to be pushed around in a stroller"?

No of course it's not. I mind my own business, like a proper person with sodding manners.

How to reply to these nosey bastards I don't know. Have not developed a strategy yet as all I can think to say is "fuck off fatty", but I don't, I just ignore them and then there's an uncomfortable silence, followed by me saying to DS, "Higher lad, climb higher".

I guess that'll do.

MMM - some bloke once told my DS that climbing up the slide was going the "wrong way". I told him that there is NO such thing as the wrong way up a slide. Pillock.

theyoungvisiter, I think you are overanalysing children's play here. DS has been climbing up slides for years and it's never caused a problem for other children (except, perhaps, for those children whose parents closely monitor their play?). It's just what kids do. I also don't mind if the slide is wet or muddy - if DS can manage it, I let him do it.

So relieved about the bathtime thing; because of DH's response I had started to wonder if that was taking benign neglect a step too far but at the back of my mind always knew that I was right .

Speedy - I think the point that was made about not letting kids climb up the slide when it is wet or muddy is more to do with courtesy to other kids than a safety/level of difficulty issue. I'd be pretty hacked off if my kid ended up with wet clothes and covered in mud as a result of someone else's child plastering their wet and muddy feet all over the slide. I'm not against kids climbing up however provided it is a dry day and that they are not hindering other kids having their turn of sliding down. I think all kids have at least tried to climb up a slide at some point in their childhood.

SPeedy, I don't think I'm overanalysing it thanks

I was just pointing out the reasons why I don't let my children do it. Same reason why I don't let them put their feet on the seats on the bus etc.

I'm a firm believer in my children waiting their turn and a child climbing up the slide is not waiting their turn, they're jumping the queue. Our playground is busy (we live in London) and there is pretty much always a child either waiting at the top, or climbing up the other side.

As I said - I don't really mind if other people let their kids do it - it's not a big deal in the scheme of things. It's just one of the things I've taught my children is not ok.

Hey, chill, theyoungvisiter! I said I thought you were being overanalytical; I didn't call you any rude names! Besides, your bullet-pointed description of appropriate slide behaviour does come across as though you've put a lot of thought into what is basically just kids running around and sliding. We also lived in a busy part of London until recently, and I always found that when I let DS climb up, if he was in anyone's way the kids always sorted it out very well themselves without the need for adult intervention. Now, our local park has a climbing frame with several slides attached, but you still end up with small queues every now and then, even when nobody's climbing up. I find that kids just sort of manage. - I actually loathe that smiley icon but wanted to be super-clear that I'm not taking a dig at you!

Gilly, I see what you mean re mud. Having thought about it, whenever DS is really caked in mud he always begs to go home, so no chance of muddying the slide!

Crikey do you think you could be a little more patronising speedy? Maybe a little pat on the head?!

I wasn't implying that you were calling me names - where did I say that? Neither was I annoyed - at least not until you kindly advised me to "chill".

I was pointing out that I was only being analytical about it because MadMathsMummy asked for opinions and it seemed fairly normal to explain why I have the rule I do. I could have just said "I don't allow it" but that seemed a little bald under the circs.

I don't actually sit around the playground with my notebook, you know, totting up pros and cons for each decision. But it's hardly being "over-analytical" to think that a child clambering slowly up a slide tends to make other children wait and that is a tadge selfish - imo.

H&S paranoia in this country has gotten completely out of hand! Within three months of bringing our overseas-born children here, my son made the sad comment: "I can't be a kid in this country mum", and went on to explain some of the ridiculous rules at school that discourage most physical play activitie. All I can say is,no wonder we have statistics suggesting that over a third of children in this country are obese - exercise is positively dangerous it would seem!
Personally, I think that well meaning adults are so busy risk assessing the world of children that kids rarely get chance to risk assess for themselves, work out their bounderies, use their own judgement and initiative etc... surely making them more dangerous in the long-run?

My son's teacher suggested parents have only themselves to blame, this now being a 'sue-happy'culture. Whatever the reasons for the current nonsensical situation, children are the clear losers!

I was in the post office recently and had a debate with myself for about 5 mins over whether to say something to a mother.

Very young mum had plastic rain covers totally fastened over her baby - who looked about 8 months old. Wasn't raining and was about stifling hot in London - must have been about 100 degrees under those plastic sheets.

fuck it - I said something. She wasn't happy but she did undo the covers.

Good grief, tye, you are very oversensitive. You said: "SPeedy, I don't think I'm overanalysing it thanks ", which clearly indicates that you were irritated.

I'm not going to sit here and justify myself; I have better things to do with my time.

Oh speedy don't go - I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get at you.

But you must admit that being told to chill is a leetle annoying It's kind of the equivalent of being asked if it's "that time of the month."

Let's shake and make up - so what if you let your kids climb up the slide and I don't - it's hardly an insurmountable ideological divide

We are both agreed that members of the public should let us make our own safety decisions, which is the more important issue after all!

Phew! I hate getting into spats!

Yes, 'chill' is definitely irritating...but when someone tells me it on MN I usually go: "feck off!" under my breath, and then re-read the posts and go: "oh, right, yeah, I see what you mean". So I'm sorry for using such a crap phrase with you! Next time I should probably just write what I mean in longhand!

and btw, I've just realised it is that time of the month.

"Risk Taking" is a hot thing in childcare at the moment and Ofsted are very keen on more children falling from trees. Learning to manage risks is an important skill. If you want to climb a tree branch teach them to think what could happen. A branch overhanging grass is safer than one overhanging railings, concrete or old people.

But old people are so soft

I recently moved my DS from his mainstream school to a special needs one.

His old school had a very good (on paper) reputation. Loads of resources blardly blah.

I found them cold and unhelpful. Hence the move.

Anyhoo.

They seem to get loads of money for landscaping. Every long holiday they add a new feature. They have lovely plant tubs, a gazebo, a water feature, a big play house, a hill with a wooden slide/climbing house thingy, a climbing frame with stepping stones and climbing nets etc.

Everytime they added one of these exciting things we would get a newletter explaining that we should not be allowing our children to play on them before and after school. The play house was taped off for a year, the rest of the equipment can not be used if it has rained in the previous 24 hours etc etc.

So the kids are not actually allowed to play on these things. They look lovely for the Ofstead and in the prospectus.

Dont get me started on this one, a "friend" of mine is literally terrified of everything and has mangaged to infest her children with it, so much so that they are afraid of everything - other children, animals and even their own toys!

Every day I'm told of another thing that could kill my children or how to be more aware of hot drinks/climbing/running/choking etc. The attitude is pretty much summed up by their house - 7 SAFETY GATES and at xmas one AROUND THE TREE!!

My MIL is the same too my neice used to say to herself "careful, careful" all the time when she was younger. Apparently going out of the patio door is dicing with death! As is fun. Funnily enough the neice and nephew she looks after all the time are frustrated and unable to do anything for themselves.

"Ofsted are very keen on more children falling from trees"

QUICK!!! call the daily mail!

smellybear it makes me very sad when childrens' parents are so scared of everything that it 'infects' the children themselves, like my DH's DDs and their mum, they won't try anything new, it's quite frustrating.

thanks for the replies about the slide thing. yes, I can see how it could be rude - I make it very clear that if somebody is waiting she has to let them down first. and yes, the mud thing is more about not wanting her to get dirt on the slide so other kids get muddy bums! unfortunately the only way onto the big slide at our park is up the actual slide, the ladder bit is really huge and is the only thing at that park that DD can't manage yet.

Smellybear that is HILARIOUS!!! Stairgates around the Xmas tree!!!!

Visiter -

in our local rec the parents do seem generally to be discouraging climbing up the big slide- because its tunnel slide with a bend in so the kids at top can't see there is a small climbing up at the bottom. some smalls are still not getting the idea even after being squashed by bigs several times.

Various bigs are experimenting with sliding down the outside of teh tunnel slide. eagerly copied by some middles who promptly fall off side ways as their legs aren't long enough to keep them stable. Thank goodness for thick wood chip.

Today my small was merrily kicking the bigs who had chosen to lie down under the nest swing, they didn't seem to mind too much and could have moved if they wanted to. Bless them they ( the bigs , boys of 13-16) were even singing "on the good ship lollipop" for him while he swung)

I used to put my christmas tree in the playpen.

But that was to protect the tree not the kids

Oh my word - I thought it was just Bulgaria. Here they don't expose babies to the outside world til they're 2 months old so you can understand my need to learn how to say "bugger off you nosy old bat" in Bulgarian!

I have been told so many many times now that my child needs socks, hats, blankets, he should be indoors, he has hiccups because I've let him get cold and now he's ill, I've even had my baby snatched from my arms by an interfering aunt and thrust back into his pram under blankets.
It's been 30+ degrees here since my baby was born 3 months ago!

I had a woman tell my pram wasn't warm enough, I had 2 old bats in a supermarket tell me off cos my baby was 'sunburnt'(he is not), I've been told to close my car windows because a draft will kill my baby..
I ended up a nervous wreck unable to leave the house without spare hats and jackets that never get worn as it's too hot for my baby even in just his nappy!
If I had £1 (2 leva) for every time I hear an old woman gasp "that baby's naked"... I'd be able to buy lots more hats!
I would never ever dream of telling another mother any such nonsense like this and I expect when my son is bigger I will have to go every where with one of those ridiculous Thud guard hats!!! those poor toddlers don't half look daft.

Hmmm I would think that if my dc's went to a park when it was or had been raining and didn't come back with muddy bums I would wonder what they had actually been doing there....just sitting on a bench maybe? Is a wet/muddy bum such a bad thing? If so then soft play is better than outside. Then again a wet bum does slow you down a bit on the slide, I sometimes took a towel just to dry it off - for speed more than anything.

Re original post, my little one climbed the big slide when she was 9 months old, clever girl - proud mummy, and not a single helicopter telling me off which was nice I have been asked a few times re baby in sling if I'm not worried she will fall out....???