To think members of the public should let me make safety decisions for my own children?

[nikki1978]

I am not one of those mums who won't let their child go on a climbing frame alone for fear they might fall off but neither am I neglectful. Yet when out if I let my DC climb on a wall without holding their hand, climb up steep grass verges or do anything that involves the tiniest amount of risk people are forever rushing up to the kids saying are you ok, then looking at me and asking is he/she ok? I am clearly standing there supervising them doing something but personally feel they are having fun doing it and obsessive hovering is not necessary. I often get "oh aren't you brave, I would be terrified to let my DC do that" or "Isn't that a bit dangerous?". Er no it is not dangerous you judgemental, overprotective, giant freak!

Oh rant over

[MathsMadMummy]

zazen you've described my DD there too! (not that I'm competitive or anything )

It is so so important that children learn to judge risks themselves otherwise at the first grasp of freedom they'll go nuts and probably will end up hurt.

[Dysgu]

DD1 is 3 and is either zooming along on her scooter or else on her balance bike - both have done wonders for her physical skills but we get lots of glares as, it seems, she is always going too fast down the hills (and we live in a very hilly town!)

DD2 is 19 months and I am not sure how long she has been doing things that make everyone shudder - she has certainly been climbing the ladders on the big slides and going down by herself for the last 3 months if not more. Even MY mum tells me she is too young - but either I or DP are always close by (actually, I worried more that she would fall between the steps rather than down them!)

It won't be long before DD2 is scooting and riding the balance bike - just needs to grow slightly longer legs! She already scoots along inside the house (if DD1 lets her!)

[katiestar]

i think the bus driver was probably concerned about the safety of the other passengers.
I would feel rather anxious if I was a driver and saw a todlers hurtling down a steep grass verge next to the road i was driving along.

[katiestar]

There is a little boy of 3 next door to us who rides his bike along the top of their garden wall which is about 4 ft high and 10 inches wide.That makes me shudder

[Diamondback]

We were often in the 'big bad outdoors' when we were kids - my grandparents had a farm - and nothing bad ever happened.

Oh, apart from when my brother was 4 and he stood behind a cow... His exact words were, "Mummy! A monster mudded on me!"

(PS, magically he did not catch ecoli or similar and die a horrible death. Nor while my mum was cleaning him up did paedos descend and nick the rest of us - it must be a fricking miracle!)

[MmeLindt]

Theyoungvisitor
She probably wanted a sneaky cuddle with your wee boy. They are so cute at that age.

I have only had this a couple of times, and it was strange German grannies telling me that my DD should have a hat on or she will catch a chill. It was over 30°C.

My brother does not let my parents have a glass of wine with their meal when they are babysitting though, so he makes up for the benign neglect that my DC suffer.

[SpeedyGonzalez]

Why didn't the bus driver give you the benefit of the doubt, and only snap if the child actually did scoot down the bus? That seems a far more reasonable response.

This is a great thread, though - so happy to see all these parents who actively let their children learn to take risks wisely. Jolly good show, eh, what what?

[poppincandy]

heymango YABU my sister had a friend who had a neighbour who went on a plane and once read a book written by an author who knew of someone who once said that this had more than likely happened!!!!

[heymango]

Okay, poppincandy I stand corrected!

[Al1son]

So do we all get to watch you eat your words now, heymango?

[TeenyTinyToria]

I get this all the time. I think it comes from having two toddlers, but looking about 19 myself. Old ladies seem to assume I'm an irresponsible teenage mum.

The other day, ds was carrying a box lid home for me, at his own request, and an old lady shouted at me to take it off him because he was going to trip up

I also get endless comments about hat/sock/shoe wearing - if they think they can get my dd to keep clothing on, then good luck to them!

[griffaloschild]

Why can't members of the public mind there own business. I would never try to tell someone how to parent. It is often people who don't have children or have forgotten what it is like to have them. My mum is constantly telling me and DH what to do with DS. An old man at the end of our street, told me not so long ago that DS was not warm enough - you are probably thinking he was wearing swimming trunks on a cold winters day, no no - three layers on a warmish day - I told him to mind his own business.

[heymango]

Yes Al1ison, and very tasty they are too!

I obviously need to think very carefully in future, before taking such extravagant risks with the DCs. (And shouldn't have been quite so rude to the old ladies!)

[SpeedyGonzalez]

I have found that water can pose particularly terrifying threats to my children:

(In supermarket on rainy day, when I popped in for 2 mins)
Old Lady: Your DS will suffocate if you don't take that rain cover off his buggy when you're in here!
(Logically, then, the child would suffocate regardless of whether we're in the rain or in the supermarket)

(At DS's bedtime)
SIL: Your DD will catch a cold if you let her go to sleep with damp hair!
(Because people catch colds from water on their hair, not from bugs )

EVERYBODY!! Stop using rain covers lest your children die from suffocation! Let them get wet instead! Errm...hang on - NO!! If you let them get wet, they'll become DISEASED!!!

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[MathsMadMummy]

Speedy I think I love you

[katiestar]

Lol speedy!
Difficult though, because I think most people are acting out of genuine concern for the child.
The MN code of conduct seems to be that we should intervene if we see a child being sworn at/threatened or slapped by a parent, but we should walk on by if we see a child in what we consider to be a perilous situation if the parent is there.Tricky one

[SpeedyGonzalez]

katie - I'm sure there is genuine concern, but I think it tends to spring from the 'if they don't do things my way, then they're WRONG!' approach to life. For which they deserve a mighty clip round the earhole.

[Morloth]

I always listen for the gasp from people around me, and I just know it is something DS1 is up to.

[Summerbird73]

yep we were at playgroup last week with 13 month old DS, he was crawling around after his mate and pulling himself up on chairs etc. tis what he does at home aaallll the time. i let him get on with it as he is big enough and grown up enough to deal with it. he falls over - picks himself up - dusts himself off etc .... you get the picture

so i am chatting to my friend, DS is a few feet away pulling himself up on a chair and plops back down on his bottom. i go over to him to give him a cuddle (even tho he wasnt bothered by it) and some old bat who was there with her GS dived in and swept him up, glared at me and told me that he had bashed his chin - he hadnt as i saw it all - he was absolutely fine! the poor little pickle looked all bemused

[mumbar]

ds wanted his stablisers off his bike at 3yo so off they came. After 5 minutes he was going up the curb (wheres its lowered) and jumping off the raised curb - all on icy roads. Inwardly my heart was danderously close to spontaniously combusting while filming it with shreiks of encouragement.

Meanwhile my neighbour with dd 6 weeks younger is tailing her dd whos moving the pedals around once every 2 minutes for fear of going too fast in reaction to mums 'warnings'.

They are both almost 6 now and she has recently learned to ride without stablizers and funnily enough loves coming out with me and ds on bikes.

[thefirstmrsDeVere]

YANBU

I think I started an AIBU (might have just dreamt it) about a woman who approached me in H&M to tell me off because....

My DS's buggy was facing away from me whilst I was looking at clothes (he was wrapped up, strapped in and I had my hand on the buggy)_

'Anyone could have taken him!'

Yeah anyone invisable who could move at the speed of light

[SpeedyGonzalez]

Rofl at deVere! I do this all the time in Hennes!

[tokyonambu]

A few hundred years ago, the simple believed in the ever-present risk of demons who might snatch children at a moment's notice.

Today, the simple believe in the ever-present risk of imminent death or abduction of children.

Plus ca change.

[ChippingIn]

thefirstmrsDeVere - you did indeed start a thread about a crazy helpful woman in H&M 0 I remember it well. Mostly people understood - a few loons less understanding people thought you should be more careful... the rest of us just laughed

[TheLadyEvenstar]

I was told last week

"you need to watch him he is going to have a nasty accident on that slide"

this was ds2 on a slide in a 1 o'clock club which was so low he was taller than it, this was from a woman who had her 6m old wrapped up in a snowsuit in case he got a cold (she was sitting telling another mum) and that I was neglectful as DS1 (12yrs) and DS2 (2) were in shorts and t-shirts and it had started spitting with rain.

I also got "told off" this morning whilst out and ds2 vomitted so i gave him a mouthful of pepsi that had been in my bag since yesterday so was flat but must have tasted better than vomit!!!!

An older woman moaned that "I should take him home and keep him warm and not try to rot his teeth with that muck"