To think members of the public should let me make safety decisions for my own children?

[nikki1978]

I am not one of those mums who won't let their child go on a climbing frame alone for fear they might fall off but neither am I neglectful. Yet when out if I let my DC climb on a wall without holding their hand, climb up steep grass verges or do anything that involves the tiniest amount of risk people are forever rushing up to the kids saying are you ok, then looking at me and asking is he/she ok? I am clearly standing there supervising them doing something but personally feel they are having fun doing it and obsessive hovering is not necessary. I often get "oh aren't you brave, I would be terrified to let my DC do that" or "Isn't that a bit dangerous?". Er no it is not dangerous you judgemental, overprotective, giant freak!

Oh rant over

[MathsMadMummy]

well obviously lynne you should've taken her to A&E to get her stomach pumped

[goblynn]

Re: The "Thudguard"

LOL--that is beyond the pale! I particularly love this bit of marketing: "What are the chances of you falling over and hitting something solid?"

All things considered, I'd say the chances are 100%.

[ib]

Gosh, I thought the UK would not be as bad. I'm in France, and ds1 can't move for being told he's going to hurt himself. He's 3yo and people genuinely seem to expect him to be strapped into a pushchair whenever we're out and about.

[abr1de]

'I particularly love this bit of marketing: "What are the chances of you falling over and hitting something solid?"

All things considered, I'd say the chances are 100%.'

Ha!

[MathsMadMummy]

reminds me of the petit filous ad with the kid climbing up the slide

I would've thought it was the other way round though ib - what with french restaurants seeming to be much more accepting of kids running around in restaurants etc (which I heartily approve of!)

[lynnexxxo]

Mathsmad - good idea! I did let her wash it down with a drink - but five minutes later she was eating it again. I wonder if she has something lacking in her diet that make her want to eat sand? Or maybe she found a second hand chocolate button in the sand pit...

ib - not sure if its an indicator of france but that petit filious ad where 'fransoir' is not being careful on a slide that is clearly designed for children half his age makes me want to pull my eyes out!

[thefirstmrsDeVere]

Thank you mathsmad it has helped Curse my large vocabulary and crap spelling!

I reminded myself of another thread. A woman with a young baby was thinking about reporting her 'friend' because she allowed her 18mth to walk up the stairs on her own. When I say on her own I dont mean unsupervised, I mean without being held on to.

This woman was convinced this was the height of neglect and thought ss should be informed.

If she came round my house her head will fall off

[lynnexxxo]

great mind think alike mathsmad!!

[pearlsandtwinset]

Oh yes, when DD was 10 days old I had a parking attendant lecture me about having her out on such a cold day (I was at home affairs getting her passport and birth certificate sorted...there wasn't anyone else to look after her and no parking spaces nearby). I said nothing but was seething!

Since then I have realised people love to tell you how to parent, that DD should be on the little slide etc. (Why, she just sticks to that, no fun at all).

Let me judge the capabilities of my own child

YANBU but sadly just a part of society

[3njuly]

Er..... I now think I may be a little neglectful.....My DD is 1yr 1 mth and walked up 32 concrete stairs yesterday. I was so proud I called my partner and my mum to tell them the good news. She was SO proud of herself!!!! Her nickname is Bruiser and has been since she was tiny - she was lifting her own head the days he was born!!!

She likes to do anything her 4yr old sis does and I am happy to let her TRY most things if I am with her!

My inlaws are complete helicopters - so I try to restore some balance.....my partner is scared of EVERYTHING!!!

[colditz]

I must have the bitchiest face in the universe because nobody speaks to me like that! It's never happened!

[thefirstmrsDeVere]

I have another one! When DD was about 6 weeks old I had her out in her sling. This woman kept looking over at me. I was waiting for a bus and for the whole ten minutes or so she kept looking. I knew she was going to say something.

Eventually the best she could come up with was 'you should cover that child up'.

The only bit of DD showing was her face! I am not a doctor but I am pretty sure covering a baby's face could be harmful.

Silly moo. She just wanted to say something - anything

[goblynn]

colditz Perhaps we're tied for that distinction--I've yet to be patrolled by intrusive observers.

Although, I suppose I've now jinxed myself, right?

[ib]

ooh - don't know the advert. Sounds like it might make me rant.

I was expecting the French to be more laid back, particularly in the South where I am (Mediterranean culture and all that) so I was really amazed at how not like that it was.

The funniest yet was someone deciding that my baby carrier must be cutting the circulation on my baby's legs .

[CheerfulYank]

YANBU! I hate this. DS is a climber too and is always scampering over boulders and whatnot. If people ask me if he's going to fall I just shrug and say "well he'll learn to balance then won't he."

[rubyhorse]

DH and I were talking about this the other day - have spent time recently with friends and relations who keep very close tabs on their children and the (small) risks they take, whereas we try to let them try the big climbing frame or find their own way to the loo in a cafe and so on. It's different parenting styles, and everyone has to do what they feel comfortable with. What gets me, though, is that the helicopters seem to feel able to tell the rest of us to do it their way, and not the other way round - can you imagine being at the park and saying to someone, "For goodness' sake, let them have a go on the big slide. It's good for their development"?

Although I try my best to respect other people's way of doing things, what I resent is the implication that one group is actively "parenting" and that the other group is just letting the kids muddle through and hoping that they make it to adulthood OK. That's not the case - yes, I stand back and let my kids try things, but I've taken an active and reasoned decision to do so, and it's just as valid a decision as deciding to monitor them closely.

So there .

[hmmSleep]

We recently had 2 lots of friends to stay, both with 2 dcs, as do we. Dh and I commented on the different parenting styles, but would never ever have said anything, it's up to them how they parent their own children!

One couple were very much the over protective parents, not allowing their youngest (1yr) to crawl on the grass in case he put something in his mouth.

The other couple were the other extreme, their youngest (1.5yrs) stood balancing precariously on a chair with a knife in her mouth. Wouldn't have minded but she kept alternating putting it back in our jam then marmite after licking it, put me right off.

Like to think I'm somewhere in between the two (thinking back to 2yr old ds being found participating in the year 6 cross country run when I lost track of him collecting dd from pre-school)

[purplehonesty]

mathsmadmummy the padded helmet thing...my mother decided that as DS had banged his head a couple of times practising sitting up/standing up that he needed a 'helmet' so she set about trying to buy him a cycle helmet for him to wear indoors
Grr what normal 6mo hasn't banged his head once or twice on the carpet?
Thankfully she was unable to complete mission cycle helmet due to being unable to find one small enough.
Oh dear.

[oodse1]

loving this thread. like many of the posters, DS is very agile - rolled at two weeks, crawling before fifth month (before he could sit), walking at 9 months. we let him try almost anything, staying within hands reach if we're uncertain. and if we're not worried (he's over 3.5 now) we just watch from afar. freaks some people out - but we know our child. if DD, a few months old, is not so agile, we'll be there for her when she needs it.

i've had quite a few people make concerned comments, or, just lots of looks. one winter i took DS, then desperate to climb stairs and bored to tears in the flat, to climb some steps (rarely used) in a shopping centre during several days of pouring rain. i think it was more the 'dirt' than the 'danger' that frightened people. amazingly, he survived the event with no illnesses. in fact, with all the dirt we've allowed him to access, he's got the constitution of an ox and is rarely ill. have people not heard of how humans acquire immunity?

we also get a lot of five year-olds telling DS that he 'can't' get to the top of a climbing frame. which, usually, he's been climbing for a year and a half or more. he just burns past them, seemingly not understanding their point or why they can't make it.

really heartening to hear there are other parents out there who allow their children to explore and challenge themselves, as much as is possible in this risk-averse society.

oh yes, one more incident. a few months ago was in a staffed playground with a double tyre-swing contraption you're 'meant' to sit on. DS stands up, and was still so small he was able to hold on to the handle bars with ease. i was pushing him around in a circle, slowly, due to PGP (pelvic girdle pain). staff member comes over and says to me that my son needs to sit down. FFS, can't 'I decide what is safe or not safe for my own son?

[littlesez]

great thread I think the best times of my life was doing "risky" stuff as a child. Like wheeling each other round in shopping trolleys, tree climbing, rolling down stairs in a washing basket

Yes one of them ended up in a trip to A & E but
we survived.

I get sick of people frowning and tutting when I let my daughter climb. I AM STOOD RIGHT NEXT TO HER FFS!

[Susarella]

I have found after wholly unwarranted and unwanted advice from people, a good "why don't you mind you're own business? If I'd wanted your advice, I'd have asked for it. Now *k off" works. Rude? Yes. Satisfying? Definitely!!!

[tokyonambu]

What's interesting from all this is that "you'll catch a chill from being cold", which is about as pre-scientific as "if you don't sacrifice virgins on the solstice the sun won't come back", dies very hard.

And, as others have said, that busybodies have a special perception filter which means they can be obnoxious to random parents in the street, but go strangely quiet when their neighbours are starving their children to death.

When my daughters were of an age to attract street busybodies, for example when I taught them to drink out of non-lidded cups using little paper cups of water in a Starbucks-precursor because that way it wasn't my carpet that got wet and I got to drink the then-new latte, I found "fuck off you stupid cow" worked well.

[petelly]

My favourite one is when we were on holiday in Israel last winter. It was above 20 degrees and my two dds wanted to swim in the sea. So I took them in (not deep) and then I saw a man on the beach shouting and waving to us. We came out thinking maybe something was terribly wrong. He then (wearing his thick fleece and scarf!) laid in to me for being an irresponsible mother for letting them swim in the sea in December and that my dds would end up with pneumonia!!! He was so sincerely worried I thought he was going to call the police when we back in

[DitaVonCheese]

I occasionally let nearly-two DD stand up in her buggy, facing me and holding on to the hood - it's a damn sight quicker than strapping in a screaming toddler at times and she loves it Strangers quite often stop me to ask whether it's safe

My favourite though was my uncle, who stopped my brothers (1) having a water fight because the ground would get wet and (2) digging their own pond (they were very into fishing as kids) in our field as the house would fall in