to not be over the moon when the in-laws joined our first overseas family holiday in 8 years...?

[LongStory]

Well we made it a whole 10 miles in from Calais, leaving the toddler twins with my mum (also caring for a poorly husband) to have a long awaited break with 3 DCs, arrived at the campsite and 'SURPRISE', my in-laws had found the details and decide to book accomodation on the site as well.

I smiled and was delighted as a DIL should be, but two months later I am still fuming - as I doubt that we'll ever get a proper relaxing break away with only three children again.

in ten years time you'll still be fuming.

Why on earth did they do this?

what did your DH say? did he think it was a good thing or was he equally pissed off? I assume you made it clear to him how pissed off you were?

OMG I would be fuming.

Bloody hell.

Are you absolutely sure that your DH didn't know but was too scared to tell you?

Are there deeper issues here? It happened two months not yesterday.

My pil want to come for a couple of days with us next week. It is a private lodge complex but does have a hotel. Dh has offered to pay for them to have a couple of nights in the hotel as their golden wedding anniversary gift which is in October. They have said no as they want donations to charity (would have done this too) and they will just stay with us which means dh and I giving up our bed and sleeping on the sofa bed). We are just going to have to swallow it but it is our holiday and we will have stayed with them the week before (they are in Scotland we are in England). But hey ho.

I would be on the run right this minute coz I'd have dumped them both the side of a ferry halfway across the channel!

Did your DH know about this?! I'm glad my ex-MIL is too dense to be quite so devious!

Not deeper issues, just only thought about posting it here. I would push a bit harder for the hotel stay, on the grounds that you don't get holidays together very often.

DH definitely didn't know. TBH our life is so bombarded with people since two surprise little people arrived (!) that I tend to just go with the flow. But actually that was a good chance to slow down and just be us.

Thanks for sharing my fuming, glad to know IANBU.

Fimbo - can you not tell them there's been a mix up and you've paid for the hotel room as it was that or the sofa bed for them (do not entertain giving up your own bed). If they really don't want to stay in the hotel then say you will give up your bed and go stay in the hotel, and they can have a couple of days with the DCs... (and you without...)

what sort of ILs tag along to surprise you on a rare child free holiday????

but I can top that.......I know someone who went abroad to get married, no guests invited, explained to both familes, parents upset but respected their wishes, booked a big "do" for all the family when they came back - only on the first day they were there (USA) the brides parents turned up in the dining room !!! "surprise!!" the poor groom had to phone his parents and tell them the ILs had sneaked their way into being at the wedding after all. outrageous!!!

OP - your DH should say something, otherwise they will think this is acceptable behaviour (and potentially do it again!).

ah, my mistake, i see it was NOT child free holiday, just the twins left at home.

ILs on child free holiday really would be !!

YA so NBU - and Fimbo I would do as FPT has suggested.

We aren't telling them where we're going again! Can't believe the wedding story - gulp.

Any tips on how to appear gracious and avoid actually crying or major rows? Starting to suspect this will happen to us on mine and DH first holiday in 15 years (no honeymoon either )and DCs first holiday ever.

This despite a very rough time lately and a desperate stated (to them )need for family time ? DH suspects this too but says we will have to make the most if it happens and get them to babysit .

that's horrendous. I know someone whose in=laws bought a house in the same road as them without telling them

gardeningnovice - tell them somewheree different to where you are going, if they are so insensitive that telling them straight wont work

WE NEED TIME ALONE AS I AM SURE YOU UNDERSTAND DUE TO XYZ REASONS

Is it not possible to not tell ILs exactly where you are going?

OP-I would still be fuming-in fact if they hadn´t gone elsewhere, I would have insisted that husband & I did.

Oh, & I would feel the same if my parents did it.

They must have thought that you would be pleased....

My mother tells the story of my grandmother showing up (uninvited) when she was in labor with me. Not only that, but she insisted on staying in the delivery room, where she proceeded to knit. .

Is it not possible to not tell ILs exactly where you are going?

In my case I didn't - DH mentioned it in passing where we were going and got a response oh maybe we'll come to which he ignored (and didn't warn me about).

Then at a vunerable time for me - DH was involved in accident -I got grilled about dates - thought it was just concern about having to cancel.

Turns out is wasn't - will have to wait and see what happens.

Both of us are sure it will happen - so will have to practise appearing pleased or try not to let it upset me.

Did they offer to babysit while you were all there? Maybe they though it would help you out if they were able to share some of the childcare .

Sounds familiar, GardeningNovice, I thought it was concern about the need to cancel which was prompting all the questions. As my Dad's op didn't go so well, we thought mum might struggle to look after the twins as well - and I thought the ILs were offering to stand-in to let us go away.

I would be really clear about your need to have FAMILY time! And babysitting isn't the same.

I wasn't especially gracious, I just ignored them and said 'I will be reading a book for the next 30 minutes' frequently....

Did your 3 DC's enjoy themselves? Hopefully they did not pick up on any tensions.

I don't think it's enough to say 'Family time' as they regard themselves as family!

Can your DH not just take them aside and say something along the lines of "You're not going to 'surprise' us on holiday by turning up are you? Because I'm really looking forward to some time with GN, after all that's happened this year", and guilt them into not bothering you?

Yes they had a good time which was the main thing. The yougest was 5 and he found his way around the small site quite safely with his sister and brother looking out for him - so there is light at the end of the tunnel - just another 3 1/2 years to go!

They went v quiet when they saw grandma and grandad - greeted them politely but not enthusiastically. I was so proud of them at that moment. x

What I meant was, did your 3 DC enjoy the enhancement of having their grandparents? Your OP suggests that you realised your PIL were at the site when you arrived, yet your children had already negotiated the site on their own? [hmmm]