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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To Think that Babies don't Belong in Super-Swanky Restaurants?

189 replies

14hourstillbedtime · 23/07/2010 17:16

I love babies (especially on toast). Also love the integrated Mediterranean-like culture over here that enfolds babies into everyday life (babies with meatballs? babies on marinated lamb?)

However, I still think there are some places Babies don't Belong, and one of these places is a make-up and high-heels uber swanky restaurant! Yesterday, DH and I (very over-excitedly) went out for only the second time since DC2 (3 months), and there, slap bang in the middle of the posh joint, was a four/five month old baby!! It was very delicious-looking, but I can't help but wish it hadn't been there...

So, Am I Being Unreasonable?!

OP posts:
Druzhok · 23/07/2010 23:38

Re my name:

No - it's the name of one of Pavlov's dogs. I was in the mood for a pretentious name

Druzhok · 23/07/2010 23:41

WAgamama's: I might tout that around this weekend. I think the oldest will cope with a later night and DD will think it's a right old jolly wheeze to be noodle-doodling it after normal

Druzhok · 23/07/2010 23:41

... hours.

hmc · 23/07/2010 23:43

YABU - I wouldn't mind - as long as one of the parents promptly removes the baby and settles him / her out of my ear shot if he / she starts crying

scottishmummy · 23/07/2010 23:57

i take my weans posh,staff don't complain.we love it

CakeandRoses · 24/07/2010 00:05

I'm a bit on the fence on this one.

I think it's ok early evening and then not so ok (but not terrible either) after 8ish.

We eat out with our toddler ds once a week or so but always early evening and generally avoid weekends too. He doesn't do anything disruptive and we generally get a nice response or compliments about his behaviour from other diners and the waiting staff.

We've never taken him to a fine dining place (yuk, I do hate that term) because we'd prefer to go on our own (and talk about DH having the snip :-)) but I wouldn't have a problem with other children being there as long as they were well-behaved.

Fartytowels · 24/07/2010 00:06

What may be a swanky restaurant to you, may be just a run of the mill restaurant to a millionaire with a baby....

But if you had the money - a private dining room surely.

Didn't David Beckham mention he took his kids to W. or Chateau Marmont on Jonathon Ross last week. It's just normal life for some people.

Am taking DS 5 to the Ivy in December. Children are welcome, I've checked.

I prefer kids to the leering octogenarian bald sweaty gits and their vacuous tarty mistresses I experienced in Spago LA, whilst on a work trip last year. Uggghhh.

wukter · 24/07/2010 00:20

But the bald sweaty gits are presumably sitting at their own tables and not whinging and knocking glasses. You can tune them out - not so easy with a fractious baby/toddler. If I was spending £££ on a meal out it would be once in a blue moon and a break from listening to DC. TBH it would ruin my rare, expensive, night out if babies/children were doing baby/child things.
I have enough of that at home.

differentnameforthis · 24/07/2010 00:23

The baby was lovely, actually, and not noisy... it's just that we had escaped our 3 year old and 3 month old for an adult night out (hence choice of swanky place!) and it was 8pm

So they asked you to babysit their baby did they?

What utter nonsense! You hadn't 'escaped' one child to be greeted by another that YOU had to deal with, it was there...minding it's own business. Not being loud, just being!

maybe it was mum's birthday & they didn't have family nearby to babysit, could be anything! Babies have the right to be with their parents.

14hourstillbedtime · 24/07/2010 01:28

I know, I know... I'm a git .

It's mostly just that (never having experienced these so-called angel babies who sit quietly/breastfeed/sleep under the table in a car seat) I was waiting for it to start being non-lovely.....

And we don't have family nearby... either.... as one of the PPs said: If you can pay for swanky restaurant, then you can pay for babysitter, no?

OP posts:
14hourstillbedtime · 24/07/2010 01:30

druzhok aha! Didn't get that one... I just wondered, cos I'm half-Polish!

farty yes, private dining rooms are surely the way forward? (And probably half of you think I belong in one, as am horrible babies-on-spikes person )

OP posts:
14hourstillbedtime · 24/07/2010 01:37

Oh, and last thing, I think it's more the (terribly British?) idea of not wanting to be conspicuous combined with not wanting to offend other people with loud noises (which, tbh, most babies and young children do tend to make, don't they?)

For example, we are about to fly long haul with our toddler-new baby-combo and I excrutiatingly aware that the people sitting near us will be giving us evils and contemplating us as though we had leprosy.... so we always travel with nice chocolate and ear plugs, and start the journey giving those to the people sitting nearby. (This in addition to doing our absolute level best to keep everyone as quiet as we can.)

Ah, now we can combine the travelling-with-toddler thread with this one and have a right old punch up!

OP posts:
TheButterflyEffect · 24/07/2010 02:37

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tokyonambu · 24/07/2010 08:48

Many years ago I was having lunch with a customer and some colleagues in a central Birmingham Chinese restaurant of some note (perhaps not Super-Swanky, but at the time probably one of the best in the country). At one adjacent table was a family with a lovely, lovely toddler. At the time few of us had children, but we all came over broody at this kid gurgling away, enthusing about the bits of food he was eating and generally being enchanting.

At another adjacent table was another work group. They complained about the child, making the "we don't come here to have children making a noise, etc, etc".

The manager came, and without any further ado threw them out. The group that complained, that is. Jokes about Chinese restaurants being in league with the triads aren't funny, but the waiters were the sort of guys you don't argue with. They came over to us afterwards and said that children are their future customers, and sorry for the fuss.

Pre-children, we'd already long decided to stop eating anywhere that said "no children", on the grounds that it was a handy shorthand for the sort of places we didn't like. As impecunious students in the early 1980s we had lunch in Marco Pierre White's original place in Wandsworth (by God, it was a good meal) and that was stuffed with local children.

Since then, I've chosen my restaurants. I took my children from when they were babes in arms to appropriate places, always at lunchtime, always to the sort of places where there's always something to pick at and you can order an assortment --- tapas, Chinese, etc. It gives them the idea of what a restaurant is, and allows you to step up the game. It gives them the idea that a restaurant is a place they can feel comfortable in, and will get good food even if they don't know what it is.

Which means that over the years (they're now 12 and 14) we've eaten in a Venetian place where the main attraction is multiple courses of whatever fish they have cooked however they want to cook it (younger had been itching for one traditional dish all week, so did manage to negotiate their cooking it for her even though it wasn't on the menu, for which I noticed they didn't charge). We've eaten in dockside Sushi places in Tokyo, where the sight of a blonde gaijin child asking for fatty tuna caused something of a stir. And more importantly, we can dive into literally anywhere when away from home confident that they'll eat well and enjoy themselves --- being able to walk down a street and just say "that looks nice" without having to negotiate if they'll eat it, or if they'll be able to wait, is a real boon. It also means a big treat is eating in Balti Triangle curry houses for a tenner each, which makes for an excellent evening out en famille and costs little more than fish and chips.

They've never kicked up a fuss, although once at 18 months in a hotel restaurant in Cherbourg younger got close to it, and we've only once had a meal where the kids didn't really like any of the food. If I thought I were upsetting adjacent adults I'd be mortified, but the only way you can be sure your children won't be fussy, impatient teens (just as likely to piss off the grown-ups) it to acclimatise them from an early age.

thumbwitch · 24/07/2010 09:05

We were away over last weekend for my birthday - we checked out the restaurants on the Sunday night, chose a simple pub meal for then and selected our "posh" restaurant for all 3 of us for my birthday meal the next day.

Sadly, the French restaurant we had chosen as being family friendly was closed on the Monday, so we had to choose another. It didn't look very child friendly but they were brilliant - brought crayons for DS (2.8) to draw on the paper table covers, brought him a small glass, cake fork and even did him a small icecream sundae free of charge for pudding. He was pretty good, smiley, chatty but well-behaved (we've been taking him out since he was born so he's used to restaurants). As we left, the waitresses said what a happy boy he was - and the owner said "you can bring him back any time, he's such a happy child".

Don't think we really caused anyone any trauma at all, frankly.

thumbwitch · 24/07/2010 09:07

I should have pointed out that paper table covers probably belies the status of the restaurant - it was a very swanky, expensive brasserie.

sarah293 · 24/07/2010 09:17

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Alibabaandthe40nappies · 24/07/2010 09:44

14hours - to me the worst noise in a restaurant is some stupid braying man/woman who thinks that the whole room wants to hear their conversation. A child having a bit of a howl because they are impatient for their dinner is far better!

For the third time on this thread, if children in restaurants bother you that much, then book somewhere that has a no child policy.

DS is just two and is more than capable of sitting to the table and eating his dinner without screaming and crying for 2 hours or more in a restaurant.
When we do very occasionally go to somewhere like TGI or Pizza Hut he is a nightmare because he sees all the other toddlers running around and yelling and of course wants to join in.

Riven - totally agree.

sarah293 · 24/07/2010 10:56

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EnglandAllenPoe · 24/07/2010 12:41

in a way, i think there is a misogynism in being so anti-baby in public places.

'oh, can't you separate yourself from IT!'

well, some of us bloody can't.

also, the only way i would get into a swanky restaurant would be if someone else was paying, so the 'if you can afford it you can afford a baby sitter' argument does not always hold.....

it puts me in mind of BIL's no-baby wedding that i didn't get to go to (despite looking very beautiful, dressing up ready and having lost all my baby weight) because my child care let me down.

MaryBS · 24/07/2010 12:45

I am not sure if I should confess this in public, but DH and I went out for Valentine's day (pre-children) and in a romantic restaurant, full of couples, there were 2 people who were talking about work LOUDLY and incessantly, at the table next to us. After at least half an hour of this, I was fed up, so I sat there and "talked dirty" to my DH, so only they could hear. It worked, they ate up and left! See, its NOT just kids that people object to!

worrywarts · 24/07/2010 13:53

YABU

I really couldn't care less.

Unless baby was directly pushed into my face with a pooey nappy and vomiting into my lap whilst screaming high pitched into my ear, then it really wouldn't bother me.

Get a grip people. You're all childist

Sometimes we found the best time for going out for dinner was with a newborn because they would sleep for hours.....

Childists!

worrywarts · 24/07/2010 13:58

Now I'm off to start a thread

AIBU to think that children shouldn't be allowed out after pm in this country for fear that they might disturb other people.......

JoannaLewis · 24/07/2010 14:08

YABU! I think you should stop going out in public.

emptyshell · 24/07/2010 15:09

I think there's a valid place for locations where people can go where there won't be children around though - unfortunately they get shrieked at hysterically about being discriminatory and bashed into buying the token high-chairs.

I don't mind kids/babies - but I do get incredibly sick of having meals out ruined by badly behaved ones with no one asserting any control or will to manage their behaviour in the interests of not ruining every diner in the restaurants' evening. Recently we went out to quite a decent local Italian - and cos we're skint we tend to go early evening for their fixed price deal - family in there had kids climbing in the window area, pulling bits off the potted plants and running back and forward - sorry but in an "adult" environment, especially one where hot drinks and plates are being carried around - that's not fair on anyone else there. The parents were so busy chatting to each other that they completely ignored the mayhem their kids were causing and, well we ended up wolfing our food down and getting out quickly because the one thing guaranteed to make my blood pressure go through the ceiling is people not taking responsiblity for their kids' behaviour and letting them run riot and ruin everyone else's time.

Babies - I don't care - if they're asleep and if you're not sat there trawling for compliments on how gorgeous they are (I genuinely don't care about your baby, I'm not going to walk by and go gooey over them - don't try to do it)... if they start screaming or grizzling though - you ARE ruining the meal other people paid their good money for and then it's not blooming right that they should have that done to them.

Was on one of the Scottish Islands recently and the difference in the behaviour of kids/parents around there in restaurants was marked. We went to numerous very posh restaurants (hey - my MIL has expensive tastes, was paying and who am I to argue as the dutiful daughter in law when nice food's on offer?!) and the kids there were utterly exemplary in their behaviour - the adults chatted to them, they sat at the table and didn't run riot like the ones round our way that have ruined our monthly "ballocks we can't be bothered to cook" meal out recently.

Oh and if your kid is swinging their legs and kicking the back of my chair, I AM going to turn around and look at what's systematically walloping me in the back every 30 seconds - because it's flaming annoying me and I don't care if they're "just a bairn"/Elvis/Shergar/The Queen.