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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Think that Babies don't Belong in Super-Swanky Restaurants?

189 replies

14hourstillbedtime · 23/07/2010 17:16

I love babies (especially on toast). Also love the integrated Mediterranean-like culture over here that enfolds babies into everyday life (babies with meatballs? babies on marinated lamb?)

However, I still think there are some places Babies don't Belong, and one of these places is a make-up and high-heels uber swanky restaurant! Yesterday, DH and I (very over-excitedly) went out for only the second time since DC2 (3 months), and there, slap bang in the middle of the posh joint, was a four/five month old baby!! It was very delicious-looking, but I can't help but wish it hadn't been there...

So, Am I Being Unreasonable?!

OP posts:
ModreB · 23/07/2010 19:27

YANBU. Babies need to be somewhere that they feel happy and secure, and if you are constantly worried about them making a noise and disturbing other people, they WILL pick up on this and they WILL get fussy coz they realise that you are tense. I know that this was not really your point, but it is just as unfair to babies to put them into this situation as it is to other people wanting a nice quiet meal out.

BUT - If the bloody British got a grip and began to be properly child friendly, we would be able to get babies used to eating out with the family as they do on the Continent.

cory · 23/07/2010 19:32

Now if it had been either noisy or running about, I would have understood. But just because it changes your conversation- seriously, that is your responsibility. Somebody else might go out to a restaurant for a girlie night out and to blissfully forget their husbands: does that mean all men should be banned from restaurants? Others might need an escape from their MIL- no elderly ladies in restaurants? Or from their boss- no balding middle aged men?

As long as the baby behaves as well as your average (balding) man or elderly lady, I think he has an equal right to be there. You just need to keep your dh on a tighter conversational rein.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 23/07/2010 19:32

YABU - we used to take DS out with us when he was little and exclusively BFing. And I don't buy into the idea that you should only go and eat crap food or stay at home when you have a baby.

If you are that bothered then ask the restaurant when you book and steer clear if they tell you young children are allowed.

megapixels · 23/07/2010 19:34

YABU. Find out the restaurant policy on children next time you go out.

For our 10th anniversary we took our two girls (7 and 3) to a Michelin-starred restaurant in London for dinner. They loved getting dressed up and being part of the occasion. They were perfectly behaved, I bet none of the other diners knew there were children at our table until we got up to leave at the end. We were even complimented on what lovely daughters we had. [smug]

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 23/07/2010 19:34

ModreB - DS never fussed because we were perfectly relaxed. He very often slept through entire 3 course meals with only a quick BF occasionally.

SomeGuy · 23/07/2010 19:37

meh, you say you are in somewhere that tolerates babies, so what's the problem?

IPredictADiet · 23/07/2010 19:37

YANBU if it's dinner
our freakishly epicurean DD has been complimented on her behaviour by the maitre d' of several expensive restaurants, but I still won't let her come out for dinner. Grown-ups only.

bibbitybobbityhat · 23/07/2010 19:38

"BUT - If the bloody British got a grip and began to be properly child friendly, we would be able to get babies used to eating out with the family as they do on the Continent."

Aaaaahhhhh, that's better. I do love it when threads follow a predictable course. I was slightly worried no-one was going to pipe up with this contribution .

smellmycheese · 23/07/2010 19:52

Urbu. I always check with pubs and restaurants before taking dd. If they accept children as far as providing high chairs etc, then it's fine by me to take her, whether it be posh and expensive or cheap n cheerful.

If I want an adult night out with dp, there's loads of places that aren't family friendly. We save those lovely places for these evenings. Surely you could do the same?

otchayaniye · 23/07/2010 20:01

Many things about living in Singapore used to drive me up the wall. One of the lovely things about the place was seeing whole extended families out for meals in hawker centres and swanky places alike. You'd be cheek by jowl with couples dressed to the nines, or ninety-year-old aunties holding babies. One thing that was always done was removing them if they got incredibly fractious.

I used to take mine in a wrap to a really swanky place. 'sigh' when I used to have money.

otchayaniye · 23/07/2010 20:08

having said that, I'd not have gone to dinner with my daughter as a rambunctious toddler. Partly because I'm no longer breastfeeding her outside the home, and partly because she likes to stand up on the chair, stick her hand down her trousers and shout : I'm playing with my bits!

Original poster
14hourstillbedtime · 23/07/2010 20:12

OK - back from walk with the DC. Glad to see that opinion on this is as divided as it usually is in AIBU

FWIW I think my perspective on babies is slightly skewed by the fact that I don't have angel babies! DS was Colicky Baby Unleashed from the Fiery Pit of Hell and DD is Standard Baby (angelic when awake, but definitely thinks that sleep is for the weak ) So, whenever I see a baby in posh restaurant, I am just waiting for them to wake up and start wailing! Maybe I would be smug, too, if I had the type of baby that slept! Oh, and love Ali's comment that they 'picked up on our relaxed attitude'! We have DC2 now, and are way more relaxed than with DS - she still won't sleep!

MumNWL - thanks for the support - even though you have angel babies!!

OP posts:
wukter · 23/07/2010 20:32

I don't get the EBF argument either.
After all, it's EBF for 6 months tops. Sacrifice fancy-dancy nights out for those 6 months, maybe? Much else gets sacrificed in parenthood.
I have sacrificed fancy-dancy nights out for a good few years now. Of course, that's related to lack of funds but forgoing the Ivy or whatever hasn't killed anyone yet...

Original poster
14hourstillbedtime · 23/07/2010 20:36

sorry, seem to have overdosed on the exclamation marks.....

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 23/07/2010 20:37

wukter it's EBF for longer than that if you don't add in formula at 6 months though.

And why shouldn't I go out for a nice meal if the restaurant is happy to accept babies? As I said further up the thread, if people are really that bothered about being in a total child-free zone then ask before you book and go somewhere that is adults only.

hairytriangle · 23/07/2010 20:37

Yabu! Jeez, what, people with babies don't have the right to eat in swanky places, with their babies?

OhCobblers · 23/07/2010 20:46

many good points made.

but just to be safe, in future, whenever i book a "posh" and/or "swanky" restaurant for myself and DH again i will just ask if children/babies are allowed through the door!!

hadn't thought of that before - do love MN - but also i HAVE been to lots of swanky places and never seen a baby there!!!

wukter · 23/07/2010 20:56

It's not EBF once they are on solids at around 6 months, they don't need the breast as frequently and should be able to take beakers of water/BM.

Original poster
14hourstillbedtime · 23/07/2010 21:17

If not a swanky restaurant, then where can I escape to that doesn't let in babies?

(And, although this is a predominantly English website and hence I shouldn't need to, I feel the need to add an IRONY emoticon here... also, people, this is not, surely, the most serious thread in the world - plenty more to worry about and all that - just something that happened to me last night and made me go 'oh, that's a bit odd')

OP posts:
Mingg · 23/07/2010 21:29

Sorry YABU. I have no intention of swapping the restaurants I normally frequent to Pizza Express.

whoneedssleepanyway · 23/07/2010 21:36

can i just ask how anyone with a newborn manages to go to a swanky restaurt or did i just have a spectacularly difficult DD2 that i wouldn't have dared take anywhere...? (she is perfect now i might add)

so YANBU

whoneedssleepanyway · 23/07/2010 21:36

ps i see it was a 4/5 month old but even that is good going!

SanctiMoanyArse · 23/07/2010 21:40

Noisy babies no

Silent ones OK

for me

I don't go to posh restaurants any more (we go to niceish ones very occasionally if parents paying and take kids- no one to take care of them) but i wouldnt care less if I was in one and a well behaved child was there.

SanctiMoanyArse · 23/07/2010 21:42

Am thinking its the summer hols, we have newbies (yay) and they don't quite 'get' AIBU

Seocnd one like that in ten minutes.

AIBU is for when you are willing to be told YABU adn far worse

otherwise start a non AIBU thread

Chathappy · 23/07/2010 21:42

YADNBU

I have a 4 year old and 2 year old and I'm currently pregnant with baby number 3.

On Monday night my dh took me to claridges for dinner for my birthday (my parents babysat). We were talking to the manager there and about our children and were saying how we would never bring our children somewhere like that because a) we wouldn't enjoy it b) they wouldn't enjoy it (and more importantly appreciate it!) and c) it's not fair on the other diners who are spending a fortune to eat somewhere so special. He said they don't often have children brought in there but that one lady last year brought her ONE year old there for it's birthday dinner (with balloon on the chair and everything!) and he had lots of diners asking to be moved to another table because the baby was being so loud.

I can't understand why anyone would do this - they don't have a childrens menu there and its just really obviously not a child friendly place to go.

There are SO many nice places to eat that are child friendly (it doesn't have to be pizza hut!). A pub near us that is very trendy/modern serves the most amazing home cooked food and has a fantastic menu and it is also child friendly. And we have been to plenty of other nice child friendly restaurants too. Although most of the time we choose to go to places like Frankie and bennies as it's easier with the children and if they do get noisy no one notices

I don't know why anyone would choose to take their baby/small child to a Michelin star restaurant when there is so much choice out there