To think the school are being arses?

[TheLadyEvenstar]

For the last 6 weeks DS1 has had a mohican (sp) yesterday my bil thinned the sides out as ds1's hair is very thick and curly.

Now I have not seen his hair today as he stayed with my mum last night, but at 8.30 the school phoned to say he was on his way home for having an inappropriate hair cut which they feel will affect his learning ????????

How the hell can a haircut affect learning ffs

Perhaps the school should have said something in May, but secondary schools tend to be very busy preparing and taking external exams (GCSES, AS,A2) at that time of year.

I'm sure their energies were taken up with exam pupils (as it should be) and not with dealing with petty rule breaking.

No wonder state education is up shit creek with parents like you.

For Gods sake who is in control here ???
YOU ARE THE SUPPOSED ADULT-instill some discipline in your kid and do the sensible thing.
Otherwise home ed and go by your own rules.

YABU.

Don't undermine the school.

When are you going to start parenting TLES? You know doing the stuff that makes you unpopular, keeping consistent boundaries, being on the side of authority (or at least saying that you are going to go along with them). It's bloody boring, it's damned hard work and none of us enjoy doing it.

I know your DS has behaviourial issues. But he is 11 so he's in the first year at secondary school. He is going to be excluded the way you're going and I'm sure you don't want that.

To be really blunt, I think you're letting him down. He's bright, so are you. If you spend the summer teaching how to rebel within the confines of authority, you're going to give both of you a much easier ride. This is not a good start to his new school. You have six weeks now to make some progress in turning that around. I know you can do it but you really need to start being the grown up in this relationship

TLES you really really need to listen when people tell you that if you can't get an 11 year old to have a haircut then you are going to run into big trouble when he is 14 or so. A friend of mine has had trouble recently with her DS who is 13 or so. She said the moment she realised she was actually scared of her son was not a good one. If he gets offered a treat for having a tantrum you are going to be in big big trouble in a year or two .

I know you hate people bringing up the past but I can't forget your previous posts going way back under your old posting name. What shone through then was a lack of boundaries which still don't seem to be in place.. You can turn this round but you need to do it now. I think sending him back without having his hair cut would be a bad mistake . Yes to some extent you need to pick your battles but getting an 11 year old to have their hair cut is definitely one you need to win. Good luck.

FGS I am not undermining the school. They have moved the goal posts not me.

The initial call was to say he was being sent home because he had an inappropriate haircut.
The head of attendance said "he has the sides shorter than the top and it is unacceptable.He has said you havent seen it I am sending him home for you to either keep there until it grows out or until it is cut. If it is not cut we will see him after the holidays"

I then called to ask for work to be sent home without going into detail about his behaviour at the time.

The return call was from the head of house who heard his tantrum and him shouting about his hair. She said to me what is happening and I explained I wanted some work sent home for him as he was refusing to get it cut.

She then said to me that she wanted him in school tomorrow and as he wouldn't have his hair cut he could sit in TORR for the rest of the week.

I have a very good relationship with the school, CAMHS and YIT are involved with the school as well because I asked them to accompany me to meetings so they could have a greater understanding of how he works.

Me too (re MrsWobble).

Lady do you mean grounding him, removing priviledges, stopping trips out, sitting him in his room when he is in one of his moods, listening to him when he wants to talk. ???

Because they are the things I have been doing for years.
There have been times when I have backed down for a bit of peace but they have not been that often tbh.

If anything I am very strict with him and he does know he has boundaries but he oversteps them and then he is pulled in and so he ups the game so to speak.

Look I know there is a lot of work to be done the proffessionals believe this is more than just the way he has been parented.

Both they and I agree that things he has experienced i.e the DV will have had an affect on him BUT they also believe there is something else.

Which is why the school and I are working together, along with camhs and yit and now ss.

omfg this made me lmfao
your all going nuts over a hair cut?!?!
get a grip,
your being nasty to thelady
sad and pathetic!

I don't see it as a thuggish hair style tbh.
Its just that a hair cut which will grow out.

Look at the end of the day the school have asked for him to go back I said he needs to learn and i was told its ok he can sit in torr and we will do some work with him there. we will continue the proffessional haircut topic with him on a 1-2-1.

so thats what they are going to do.

I am not stressing over this anymore I have a lot to do with him as it is. The school are fine with him being in the building and he is only going to be kept seperate for 2 days, the other days he is in sports and then something else.

Agree with Blu and Stayfrosty - unfortunately I come across parents like the OP too often who fail to abide by simple rules and undermine staff

I DO ABIDE BY THE RULES. THERE IS NOTHING IN THE RULES ABOUT HAIRSTYLES AND WHEN HE WAS SENT HOME I TOLD HIM UNTIL HE HAD IT CUT HE WAS NOT RETURNING TO SCHOOL OR TAKING PART IN ANY ACTIVITY WE DID AS A FAMILY.

THE SCHOOL TOLD ME TO SEND HIM BACK WHICH IS WHAT I AM DOING.

THAT IS ALL THERE IS TO IT.

but are you going to sort his hair out tonight so that he can participate in normal school activities?

no of course you won't, silly me

Stop shouting TLES for goodness sake.

You asked if you were unreasonable. You were told (yet again) that you were.

I wonder why you keep posting this stuff in "AIBU?"

I wonder why you don't post in a less contentious area of MN.

(I don't really wonder; I know why you do it)

I think I love Shirley.

Totally agree with StayFrosty et al. There is a recurring trend about TLES's posts which makes it very obvious to most people but her that there are very plausible reasons why her DS generally behaves the way she claims he does.

Just because the school have said he can attend and sit in isolation, does not an end to this make.

Your CHILD has still learnt that he can go to school and have the inappropriate hair style.

2 choices.... hair cut and back to school as normal, or no school including no time outside of his room bar toilet/meals, no tv/playstation etc etc etc etc.

Your call. YOU are the parent, not the school. About time you stood up and acted like one.

nice to see all places that mums are about act like play grounds

Well....
A] I do not see how a hair cut will effect his learning

However
B] rules no matter how stupid they seem are there for a reason and despite me sometimes not agreeing personally with a rule at my children's school I make sure the boys stick to the rules as if we all did as we jolly well please society would break down even quicker then it already is

But...I went to school in a very mixed race area (I was the only white child in my class in fact) and the aunt of one of my friends (who was afro Caribbean) did my long hair in tiny plates the same as my friends, my mum was called to the school by my teacher and told I could not have my hair like that despite almost every other girl in the school having it so.
When mum ask why she was told it was a "black style" and not appropriate on a white child .
(You have to love 1970s Britain), mum went stright to the head and had a chat and I was allowed to keep my hair as was.

You are using the school supposedly 'backing down' as an excuse to give you the permission you seem to want to ignore this issue. If he was my child, he'd be either in bed or in the barbers - no other choices would be open to him.

I am all for allowing pupils individuality and I agree that a hair cut will not make them better or worse learners but if that is the school rule and you want him to remain in the school, then you need to support the rules.

And offering bribes to a child who is screaming and paddying is, quite franky, bonkers imho. And will not help you in the future when he inevitably finds something else to kick off about.

Whatever the school says now, if you have told him he needs to get his hair cut, then he needs to get his hair cut. If he was mine, he'd not be going to school tomorrow without a haircut, whatever school have now said.

And you seem to think it's fine that he would be working in the exclusion unit. It shouldn't be fine; it should be something that you and he should be ashamed about.