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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the school are being arses?

379 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 19/07/2010 09:08

For the last 6 weeks DS1 has had a mohican (sp) yesterday my bil thinned the sides out as ds1's hair is very thick and curly.

Now I have not seen his hair today as he stayed with my mum last night, but at 8.30 the school phoned to say he was on his way home for having an inappropriate hair cut which they feel will affect his learning ????????

How the hell can a haircut affect learning ffs

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Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 19/07/2010 17:18

he has had the same style since May not yesterday. all that happened yesterday was the sides were trimmed and because the top is so long it stood out more.

Anyway he is back to school tomorrow on their grounds.

I liked the way it was in May and was hoping he had grown out of it tbh.

Makes me laugh when you look at some of the styles in the school and the colours.

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Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 19/07/2010 17:20

Dandy I am being more consistant and I have asked the school to back me up on things just recently.

They want him in school I want him in school he wants to be in school.

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DandyLioness · 19/07/2010 17:21

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char3mum · 19/07/2010 17:21

Is the hair dyed green and pink? omg the school really does not have a point at all, children should be allowed to express some individuality, they look like clones from neck to ankle, its the last week of school and probably wont be in uniform for most of the week anyway!! boys are allowed to have shaved heads so why not a mohawk?

seeker · 19/07/2010 17:23

5t's not the hair - you kleep saying "but he's had that haircut since May" OK - maybe he did - but things have changed. Whether you think so or not - you have let him win. And by offering him bribes to get it cut you have handed all the power in the relationship over to him. He is now completely in control. You have to find a way to change that. ANd blaming the school will not do it.

herbietea · 19/07/2010 17:23

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BitOfFun · 19/07/2010 17:26

You promised to buy him stuff if he got his hair cut?

No wonder he thinks he is king of all he surveys. Eek.

scaredoflove · 19/07/2010 17:27

Maybe the school backed down a bit as they know you won't deal with it? Maybe they kicked off as they know he has issues you can't/won't deal with? sorry if that's harsh but it always seems that he gets his own way over everything and you do to (which is where he learnt his attitude?) An 11 year old with a mohican?? It's crazy

I know that is harsh but that is how it reads

I would happily drag him to the hairdressers for you, I doubt he would beat me tbh

I'm not trying to be mean but you really have to start taking charge, the bigger he gets, the more risk you are in

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 19/07/2010 17:28

I have no idea but am hoping it will be easy Herbie...I am actually hoping that more work with the people involved now will make DS see things clearer.

The school should have said in May if there was a problem with his hair tbh.

Sending him home only to let him back the following day teaches him nothing imho. they should have sent the work home.

You see I cannot win on here can I? Offer him bribes I am wrong, offer him nothing I am wrong. I offered things to him just to coax him out to get his hair done....no matter as it didn't work anyway.

and no it is not dyed pink or green

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themildmanneredjanitor · 19/07/2010 17:28

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scaredoflove · 19/07/2010 17:29

Also, the school probably took a more strict stance as it is the end of term, the children are tired and restless and the school needs to keep standards up

And another also, it isn't the same haircut, you said the top is 2-3inches longer now, so the difference in the sides and top is more extreme and I imagine much more noticable

herbietea · 19/07/2010 17:30

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Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 19/07/2010 17:30

ffs i do deal with him he does not run riot nand get away with it. This was about the school changing their rules 4 days before term ended and has been turned on to me not dealing with my sons. well i do and unless any one of you know me personally and can tell me differently throiugh personal experience then you are not an authority on my parenting abilities.

I am off now

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Morloth · 19/07/2010 17:31

What do you want to hear TLES?

DandyLioness · 19/07/2010 17:32

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Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 19/07/2010 17:33

And for the record someone - anyone on here tell me why is it ok for a grown male teacher to have dread locks, another to have a mohawk and a female teacher to have red streaks in her hair if the children can't?
and why is it ok for the black and mix race boys to have their hair shaved into designs? and the girls to have extensions in multi colours or plated down one side, or gathered up in the middle with the sides shades?

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TheFallenMadonna · 19/07/2010 17:33

My school is cracking down now and making clear what is and isn't acceptable re dress/jewellery/make-up/hair/bags etc now because it is the end of term and we want a good start in September. And to be frank, we are not worn down with constant coursework excuses as we were last term and so have the energy to do it.

Get it cut.

themildmanneredjanitor · 19/07/2010 17:34

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MrsWobble · 19/07/2010 17:35

my dh is a governor at a school with its fair share of issues. last week he heard two exclusion hearings for 14 year old boys - both of them disruptive and challenging authority but neither of them fundamentally bad yet (although one of them had an older brother who routinely carries a knife and has been in trouble with the police). their mothers were unable to exert any authority over them - and were physically smaller than them.

both boys have been permanently excluded - as far as i can tell not for any particular incident but for a pattern of challenging behaviour - eg the science teacher has been unable to do any practical work or experiments with the class because the pupil in question could not be relied upon to behave. the official reason for the exclusion was that the boys could not be relied on to follow instructions from those in authority and therefore posed a health and safety risk in the event of a fire or other emergency.

the school is potentially being arses - although if my child had been in a science lesson without practicals all year because of someone else's behaviour I would be annoyed. The real losers though are the two boys - the hope is that they will be found places somewhere else. however, i suspect that unless they get help with their behaviour it's only a matter of time before they get excluded from there too.

I'm sure your son is nothing like this.

StayFrosty · 19/07/2010 17:35

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DandyLioness · 19/07/2010 17:35

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BitOfFun · 19/07/2010 17:37

TLES, you clearly have massive hang-ups about authority and are determined to pass them on to your son in the interests of his 'individuality'. Yet this has resulted in a rude and unmanageable child with serious psychological issues. Yet you persist with this approach and wonder why things are difficult for you.

What does that tell you?

TheFallenMadonna · 19/07/2010 17:37

Firstly, you don't know that there isn't a general crack down. I find it unlikely that the HoY or whoever just took exception to your DS's haircut this morning and everyone else is unscathed.

Secondly, you sound a little bit like some of our pupils who complain that teachers dont have to wear uniform, so why do they?

Thirdly, we also have a dress code as teachers in my school. But it isn't the same as the students.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 19/07/2010 17:37

YOU KNOW WHAT MORLOTH I don't want to hear anything tbh because if i posted on here saying ~DS1 and I had been to family therapy and I had followed everything to a T, i would by MN'etters who cannot forget that I have fucked up in the past because I am just a human, still be wrong.

I would love to be able to say I am perfect and never make a mistake but you know what I am glad I am not because although my eldest does have behavioural issues and can be a pita he is also one of the nicest caring people i have ever met.
he is intelligent - sometimes too intelligent for his own good
he is caring and considerate
and although i am trying to get through this behavioral issues with him - if it is possible to stop them completely i wouldn't change him because I love him for who he is and not who I want him to be.

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SomeGuy · 19/07/2010 17:38

You should count yourself lucky (or perhaps not), at my son's school they send frequent reminders that boys' hair should be kept neat and short.

They have no discipline problem whatsoever and the academic results are outstanding of course.... Obviously if you prefer a school full of 'statements' than that's great too.