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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the school are being arses?

379 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 19/07/2010 09:08

For the last 6 weeks DS1 has had a mohican (sp) yesterday my bil thinned the sides out as ds1's hair is very thick and curly.

Now I have not seen his hair today as he stayed with my mum last night, but at 8.30 the school phoned to say he was on his way home for having an inappropriate hair cut which they feel will affect his learning ????????

How the hell can a haircut affect learning ffs

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Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 19/07/2010 15:25

Just spoke to head of house and she has said he can return to school tomorrow and work in the unit.

She also said they are "doing a whole thing on proffessional hair styles" which is why ds1 wasn't even allowed in school.

I explained he had had the same style since May and she said ok its just the front is longer. But he is back to school tomorrow as normal with his hair as it is. He will just have to work in the TORR.

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seeker · 19/07/2010 15:37

You do realize that you are making a really bad mistake here, don't you? How old is he? 12? 13?. What are you going to do when he's 16?

Just cut his hair and send him back into the main school. Honestly - you will live to regret it if you don't.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 19/07/2010 15:39

Seeker he is 11. The style is the same and the head of house agreed with me it is not worth stressing over for 4 days and he is working in school just in a class with a few other pupils. And as planned is taking part in the events he is signed up for for sports day.

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Jamieandhismagictorch · 19/07/2010 15:41

I agree with StayFrosty and seeker. There's a connection between you making such a fuss about this in front of him, undermining the rules of the school, and his inability to follow rules at home.

And I'm not saying this is you, TLE, but the parents I know who bang on about individuality are the ones whose children are the rudest and most selfish to others.

HappyMummyOfOne · 19/07/2010 15:42

I agree with Seeker, just cut his hair so that he can go back as normal.

By not cutting it and having him singled out in another class all you are doing is earning both you and him a reputation at school and showing him he can flout the rules as you will ignore the school anyway.

Bramshott · 19/07/2010 15:44

TLES - I think what people here are struggling with is why on earth is just trimming his hair a big issue? I don't know what ongoing issues you have with your DS, but unless there is something major going on that will trigger a meltdown in him if you trim a bit off the top of his hair or send him along to the barbers (is he Samson?!), then why would you not just do it, if that's what the school have suggested? That way he can go back to class and carry on with his learning. It's only a big issue if you make it one, or if the school are sending him home once a week for an ever more-fanciful list of uniform / hair misdemeanours!

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 19/07/2010 15:45

I am not making a fuss in front of him. I have had a battle with him and he was still battling when the school returned my call. Thats when she said he can return tomorrow and work in the TORR.

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StayFrosty · 19/07/2010 15:45

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 19/07/2010 15:47

Bram, x-posted.

Yes he has had a "meltdown" over it and this is why i called the school...

oddly enough the school reminded me to ensure he has his full p.e kit on wednesday as he has been chosen to participate in 2 events representing the school in sports day...hair obviously doesn't affect sports then

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seeker · 19/07/2010 15:49

He's 11! Words fail me, they really do. Good luck - you're going to need it.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 19/07/2010 15:50

Stay would you suggest i drug him to get his hair cut? sit on him? pin him down, drag him screaming and shouting to the barbers??

The school have said he can return to school so there is not a problem.

I cannot cope with more stress and in the grand scheme of things this is a minor issue tbh.

It is not worth me stressing over and the school agree with him returning. I have bigger things to deal with, maybe you have a magic wand? if so can you lend me it?

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cornsilked · 19/07/2010 15:52

The timing of this is all wrong. Why on Earth make a fuss about hair at the end of a school year - that's so inconsistent. They should have established the stricter rules from September.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 19/07/2010 15:56

Seeker, its not as clear cut as i tell him he does....really it isn't.

ffs there is nopoint in me posting MY feeling/vents on here because its always the same....wtf can people not just speak of an issue which is present now and need to drag the past up?

MAYBE I WILL TYPE IT BIGGER.

DS1 HAS BEHAVIOURAL ISSUES AND I AM GETTING HELP WITH THESE. I AM ALWAYS ADVISED TO PICK MY BATTLES AND I AM NOT PICKING A BATTLE OVER HIS POXY HAIR STYLE. THE SCHOOL HAVE AGREED TO HIM RETURNING IN FACT I SAID

"I AM SORRY I CANNOT COPE WITH MORE OF WHAT YOU CAN HEAR SO I WILL KEEP HIM HOME FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK"

AND THE HEAD OF HOUSE SAID

"NO SEND HIM TO SCHOOL TOMORROW AND HE CAN WORK IN THE TORR. OH AND REMEMBER HE NEEDS P.E KIT FOR WEDNESDAY".

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StayFrosty · 19/07/2010 15:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

minxofmancunia · 19/07/2010 15:58

The thing is schools often have pointless pathetic rules of this ilk about uniform and hairstyles. I personally think more energy should be spent on improving the quality of teaching, behaviour management and pastoral care BUT that said it's not worth getting into a big battle over and he does need to accept that in society there are rules and sometimes no matter how pathetic they are to get on in life you have to grit your teeth, knuckle down and accept them.

There are safety issues obviously like long hair being tied back and fringes over eyes but ime some schools like to make a point for the sake of making a point esp re appearance. Eg further up the thread black tights sllowed but not thick ones, why not???? What is the rationale behind that? Someone please enlighten me...

StayFrosty · 19/07/2010 15:58

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Morloth · 19/07/2010 15:59

You have bigger things TLES because you let him get away with the small things.

You tell him he is getting his hair cut and get it done, yes kicking and screaming if necessary because it isn't about the hair it is about behaving and doing as your teacher/Mum tells you.

I agree with StayFrosty, you are so inconsistent, the next time he explodes on you when you attempt to lay down the law remember that you negotiated for him over this and understand that that is why he doesn't think the rules apply to him.

It is so frustrating.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 19/07/2010 16:02

FFS I DID NOT NEGOTIATE WITH THE SCHOOL I SAID I WOULD KEEP HIM HOME AND THEY SAID TO SEND HIM BACK TO SCHOOL.

YES I HAVE FUCKED UP IN THE PAST WOO FUCKING HOO I AM HUMAN I HAVE NOT BEEN PROGRAMMED TO BE PERFECT MAYBE I SHOULD TRY EH?

LOOK AT THE END OF THE DAY THIS IS A HAIRCUT HE IS NOT COMMITING A CRIME NOR IS HE ENDAGERING ANYONE. HE IS GOING BACK TO SCHOOL TOMORROW AT THE SCHOOLS REQUEST.

PICK YOUR BATTLES I AM REPEATEDLY TOLD ON HERE...YET WHEN I HAVE LIKE NOW I AM WRONG AGAIN FFS.

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StayFrosty · 19/07/2010 16:04

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 19/07/2010 16:04

Morloth I have bigger issues because atm he is being assessed for Aspergers and other disorders...I suppose I will be to blame for it if he does have a disorder such as aspergers eh?

Yes I have given in at times because sometimes there has to be a point i get a break and some quiet.

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Morloth · 19/07/2010 16:05

You decided to battle with the school rather than with DS, can you not see the message that gives him?

Why do yo ask TLES? I honestly don't understand why you keep asking the same questions, getting the same answers and then reacting in the same way?

Morloth · 19/07/2010 16:06

But the short term gain (peace & quiet int the moment) is a long term loss.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 19/07/2010 16:12

I did not battle with the school. I spoke to DS when he came home I TOLD him we were going to get his hair cut cue the crying screaming throwing, hitting, and rest of it. I then phoned the school the call was returned just as I was trying to get DS1 and DS2 out the door to the barbers. they could hear DS1 and that is when they said it is not worth stressing over and that he can go to school tomorrow, I was all for keeping him home and getting the work sent home. I cannot physically move him he is almost as big as me. I cannot restrain him to cut it myself so what am I meant to do?

Yes I could attempt to push a buggy and drag him up the road and then sit on him in the barbars while they cut it...but I am bloody tired of battling over minor things.

I am doing my damndest to change the way I deal with things and should be able to vent on here so that I keep it away from DS and he is none the wiser. which atm he is only aware that I am not happy with HIS attitude towards me and that I think he should have his hair cut.

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RumourOfAHurricane · 19/07/2010 16:12

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Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 19/07/2010 16:13

Morloth, you think I don't know that?

as i said I am physically emotionally and mentally worn out and am doing all I can to turn things round I have every outside help possible available to me in use.

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