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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the school are being arses?

379 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 19/07/2010 09:08

For the last 6 weeks DS1 has had a mohican (sp) yesterday my bil thinned the sides out as ds1's hair is very thick and curly.

Now I have not seen his hair today as he stayed with my mum last night, but at 8.30 the school phoned to say he was on his way home for having an inappropriate hair cut which they feel will affect his learning ????????

How the hell can a haircut affect learning ffs

OP posts:
MrsC2010 · 19/07/2010 10:19

Well this instance is ignoring the school rules. I have yet to work in a school that would allow a mohican.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 19/07/2010 10:23

The thing i don't understand is he has had the same style since the last week of May and there has been nothing said. Even when I have been to the school for meetings and he has been sitting next to me.

OP posts:
herbietea · 19/07/2010 10:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 19/07/2010 10:27

FGS I changed his school because he had his bag slashed, uniform stolen, money stolen and shoes stolen as well as chased and beaten up.

OP posts:
herbietea · 19/07/2010 10:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TheBossofMe · 19/07/2010 10:32

The point isn't that you changed his school - everyone understands the reasons for doing that and applauds them.

But you need to clam up about the fact that you might not agree with this rule or the way that its been applied or else undermine the progress that you and DS are making together with observing rules at home.

singersgirl · 19/07/2010 10:33

Well, I 'm not sure how old your son is (I'm guessing 12-15), but I don't think a Mohican is a suitable style for a school-age child. It wouldn't be a suitable style for lots of jobs, either. So instead of being irritated that they didn't complain 6 weeks ago, I'd just accept that, as part of a uniform code, it's not suitable and move on.

Actually I'm really surprised so many people think it is suitable.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 19/07/2010 10:35

Herbie, i did say only the sides have been trimmed and i am going to have to trim the top.

OP posts:
loopyloops · 19/07/2010 10:40

This is going to sound horrible, but as a secondary school teacher I am getting a clear image of your parenting style.

Son (a little bit naughty?) can do no wrong. School is wrong. Decisions are wrong. Other pupils are wrong. Why should he do what you say? I love him and he's usually a lovely boy.

Forgive me if I'm wrong but it's a clear pattern and you see it in about 5-10 children (boys particularly) per year. They tend to be arrogant children, knowing that mummy will always back them up and allow them to do what they like. Parents will have behavioural issues with DCs at home and will be fighting a loosing battle. Usually at around year 10 (knuckling down time) parents will have no say whatsoever over DC's behaviour, DC will hate school and will not achieve their potential at GCSE.

You and the school need to work together and back each other up. You need to uphold their rules and stop making excuses.

jenroy29 · 19/07/2010 10:42

I can't believe nobody has said stick a turban on him yet.

loopyloops · 19/07/2010 10:47

What?

TheBossofMe · 19/07/2010 10:54

loopy - exactly my point.

foureleven · 19/07/2010 10:55

Oh for gods sake. They teach our kids to be individuals then send them home because of a crazy hairstyle.

How is being at home better for his learning than a mohican..?

Unless its massive and the other kids cant see past it to see the teachers then they ABVU.

I hope your son goes back and knocks on the school door when he's a super succesful and visionary artist.

Ps my DDs school activly encourages oddities in appearance and I love it.

They should watch 'same smile' on CBeebies. I knows its about race and disabilities but same could be said for hair... maybe.

PixieOnaLeaf · 19/07/2010 10:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Bramshott · 19/07/2010 10:59

YANBU of course to mentally go at this.

However, you just need to cut his hair to a more acceptable style, let him know that you will always support the school rules and he must do the same, and then forget about it and get on with life.

foureleven · 19/07/2010 11:03

And probably a little bit of what bramshott said too

stayfrosty that was mean. None of us be perfect and I wouldnt want ladyevenstar to feel like she cant come on here in a few weeks and look for support if her boy is playing up during the holidays. However right or wrong you may be.

gillybean2 · 19/07/2010 11:08

He has the rest of his adult life to express his individuality via his hair style, clothes or whatever else he chooses.

Just like he has the rest of his adult life to find a partner, raise a family etc if he chooses too.

You chose this school for him (for whatever reason). At school he has to abide by certain rules whether we agree with them or not. And until he is old enough to make all these decisions for himself (be it hair style or getting married) you have to guide, encourage and enforce where necessary.

The school have said the current haircut is unacceptable. It is a different style to what he had 6 weeks ago (shorter on sides, longer on top). You/he/your brother has pushed the school too far and they have now acted. You asked if you were BU before you had even seen the hair (you knew it had been altered by your brother). I think that is BU to get all annoyed at school without seeing the results. And when you did see him it seems you did agree that it was a bit too long on top now.

You have to remember when it comes to boys haircuts we're talking in millimeters between skin head and say a level 1/2/3. So it might seem like a minor change but in reality that is a fair old perceived difference when it comes to boys haircuts (rightly or wrongly)

You need to accept school's decision and fight more important battles if and when they arise, (glad to hear you are going to trim the top too and hope it will be enough).

Your son will survice, and maybe (hopefully)won't be singled out so much if he has a more conformatory haircut.

gillybean2 · 19/07/2010 11:10

survive, not survice

usualsuspect · 19/07/2010 11:11

What a dull world it would be if boys all had short back and sides ...good job my ds's school were quite relaxed about hair ..his emo fringe of extreme lenth would surely have got him kicked out of a more conformist school ...

NonnoMum · 19/07/2010 11:11

Yes, a hairstyle might not affect his learning, but how is he learning?
There are strict rules on dress codes on building sites, at McDonalds, etc.
And, as far as I know, no one has ever been elected PM sporting that hairstyle.
Yes, he may end up being a visionary artist. If so, go for it, educate him at home and do leaf collages all day.
Or, conform, play by the school rules and maybe get a few GCSEs.
It's your choice.

foureleven · 19/07/2010 11:13

So, what are the guidelines in the school handbook? If they do state that your son's haircut is not acceptable then that is a different matter.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 19/07/2010 11:15

"These rules are to prepare DC for when they go to work"

God. How depressing.

usualsuspect · 19/07/2010 11:17

If you can't express a bit of individuality when you are a teenager,when can you? ...years and years of adulthood to be boring

foureleven · 19/07/2010 11:17

Indeed.

Because we all want our kids to be little corporate suit wearing short back and sides sporting mini mees.

Morloth · 19/07/2010 11:18

TLES, just even it up and forget about it, it isn't important. Choose your battles? Let him shave the sides next week when it doesn't matter.

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