The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Summer into Autumn 2026

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice, solidarity and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.

Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. We love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too. You're here because you are strong and want to pull free. However ashamed and wretched you are feeling right now, as you read this sentence, I can absolutely guarantee that someone here has felt exactly as you do now and knows what you are enduring. It can change. You are not shameful. You are strong and you CAN do this.

All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.

I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.

These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the ones I use, I Am Sober and TryDry. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Evenings are drawing in, the season of hot chocolate approaches. Power up with your favourite anthem (The ever-fabulous Dolly is reminding us "Better Get To Livin'"; and the Wilson Phillips girls "Hold On" in hot pursuit) and find your safe space here. Pull up a chair, and make yourself at home. It's going to be alright. x

Sorry to hear you’re feeling a bit down @Onewildandpreciouslife . 🌺

251 days AF x
Can’t quite believe I’ve got this far but wanted to check in here and catch up with the thread.
Great to see some familiar and so many new posters x

Morning all hope it’s ok to crash! I was over on the 100 days one ( hello @anewyearthisyear!) but it seems to have lost momentum lately.
254 days today which is unbelievable considering I had become a bottle plus a day most days kinda person.
For those in the early stages, I bet all you are thinking about is wine. Trust me thst will drop off after the first month or so. As others have said, for now eat what the hell you want. And for as long as it takes. I also took up knitting as I found it really helped being busy in the evenings. The weight loss for me didn’t happen until month 5 but then it really came off!
Every morning I still wake up thankful and relieved I am not hungover. Every time I even consider drinking I remember how bad I had got ( sometimes starting at midday) and how I can not moderate. Then the self loathing, the shame, disgust and having to try and work out whst you said and did. Horrible!
I am feeling so much better not drinking and more content. I do dread social events though still and can only do a couple of hours before becoming tediously bored. I haven’t had a holiday this year so don’t feel I’ve been fully tested but have a few weekends away between now and Christmas so will be tested then hence joining this lovely supportive thread!
So great to hear all your thoughts and for those on the first few days, it really brings me back to early January which seems like a few years ago now. Just hang in there it really is “ one day at a time” at the moment but I promise that will cease.
Also what seemed to work for me is reading endless literature about how alcohol is so damaging to the body and mind. I read so so much that I almost couldn’t even pick up a glass of wine at this stage!

Well done @mumzof4x. Fabulous achievement 🥳 ❤️

And to you too, @SwiftyFifty😍. It makes such a difference, doesn’t it? I also feel that sense of peace and contentment now I don’t drink.

Morning all.

Tidying today for the buyers visit tomorrow (measure up I expect).
She'll want the bookcases which I love but they won't go in the cottage.

It took me about two years to admit I had had a drink problem. My son asked me at that point if I thought I was an alcoholic and I said yes. On reflection I prefer the term alcohol dependent. It was my crutch but of course we all know it's never our friend.
My weight started to go down from month two due not eating crisps and cheese with wine. I lost two stone per year for the first two years then another two stone very quickly due to ill health.
I saw an old colleague yesterday and she didn't recognize me. Many compliments but I shared too much with her and wish I hadn't as she's an old gossip. We live and learn.

I will not drink today

Lovely to hear from you @mumzof4x. And welcome aboard @SwiftyFifty !!

”now I don’t drink.” Powerful statement @CarrotSeeds - love it.

I’ve started reading Hangxiety by Millie Gooch - no surprises yet but a really helpful summary of just how awful alcohol is for our mental health

Good morning.

Feeling very raw and tearful.

But glad I didn’t drink yesterday.

@WendyWagon wise words. I too considered wine a “ friend” I spend a lot of time home alone and the wine was like a companion. Once I started to change my mindset that it’s an object and a toxic friend that actually takes way more than it gives, then I started to come out the other side. It’s natural to be tearful and miss that friend too.

I still don’t know what to do.,.

If I don’t go home at the end of the month and something happens (my parents are of a certain age now) I’ll never forgive myself and I’m not sure how I could cope going forward.

But if I do go and the rift can’t be mended, then what do I do?

I know there’s no way of knowing unless I go.

But I am also trying so hard to not drink and if we go, then I’m certain I’ll end up drinking. First night in the hotel, I can just see it.

Do I postpone for now and hope that maybe in a few months I’ll be feeling a bit stronger mentally?

Or do I go, considering I haven’t seen them in eleven years and who knows what’s around the corner?

Sorry, I’m just trying to work this all out…been back and forth on this and even my husband has sort of changed his mind.

At first he said I need to go because he can see how much the no contact has affected me for the past eleven years and he said I need some sort of closure, one way or another.

But now he says if I really feel that anxious then maybe it’s not a good idea right now.

But ultimately it’s up to me obviously and I’m really struggling with it.

@SwiftyFifty I needed to hear that today, I said over on the other thread I feel the novelty dropping as I get closer to the month amd the thoughts that maybe one day I can have a few are creeping in. I know I can't, I have proven that time and time again. Well done and also @mumzof4x

@GunnelVallquist one day at a time, we will get there xx

@WendyWagon that is encouraging about the weight, I have been have all full sugar fizzy drinks along with the food, I am not being too hard on myself though, I know I needed it to get through the early days.

I have a strange question sorry if tmi, when I drank I would get up to pee at least once a night, since I have stopped I am actually waking to go 2/3 times a night! I am not drinking water unfortunately just mainly tea and coke 😬 I thought maybe it was my body flushing out toxins but now I am not sure and wondering is it normal or should I mention it to the GP, thanks.

There is also my sister, niece and nephew.

Haven’t seen them in eleven years either.

I would like to have contact again (at the moment it is just sporadic email contact and us sending money for the children’s birthdays and Christmas…well, they’re not children anymore, but anyway).

My sister is very enmeshed with my parents (especially my mother) and I think if I could fix the situation with my parents it would help the relationship with my sister massively.

Sorry, so many posts!

@GunnelVallquist I have a complicated family set up too, we went years without speaking to one sibling, we speak now but I am very cautious about being around them and have my guard up at all times, they are actually quite a dangerous and manipulative person, but for family politics it is easier to remain on speaking terms. I have had to grieve that relationship, but I realised I was grieving the idea of it and what it should have been, not the reality which actually caused me years of stress, anxiety and definitely contributed to my aclohol issues (I take full responsibility for the alcohol issues). This person also tried to ruin many other relationships, they have lost custody of their children to another family memeber and can only see them supervised, but will not take a shred of accountability for their actions. They also have a major problem with alcohol but this behaviour predates the alcohol issues, the alcohol just made everything 1000 times worse. This person's demise has actually contributed to me wanting to stop drinking.

Sorry for the rant but my point is, I am not 100% sure of the issues your family have, but sometimes you need to protect yourself as hard as it is, it took me years to actually realise those who should love us don't always have our best interests at heart. Now I am not perfect, far from it, but I always do try to be a decent person.

My own children have not mentioned me not drinking @WendyWagon I know they must notice but I thought they would have brought it up, I am going to just continue enjoying being present with them.

Thank you so much @pinkclouds26 and I’m sorry you also have a challenging family dynamic.

My sister unfortunately took my parents’ side when I tried to distance myself due to my declining mental health…my mother was very offended when I wrote some ‘home truths’ and unfortunately everything fell apart.

It’s a really long story, but it’s not the first time there’s been a rift.

About twenty years ago there was also a massive falling out and two years later my husband (who was still in the Military back then) and I moved to the US for two years.

I stupidly initiated contact again while we lived over there and on our return to Europe we met up with my parents and sister and BIL.

It’s like I can’t do without them in my life, no matter how toxic it gets and how bad it all is for my mental health.

This is why I drink. To escape these thoughts. The feeling of never being good enough, having to struggle on when I so desperately wish my family could be there and support me and realise that I am hurting.

@GunnelVallquist I understand what you mean, there are so many layers between the trauma and the alcohol and it all gets intertwined. It is a lot easier said than done to cut people off, I really feel for you xx

The GP went better than I thought, she has referred me for scans, I imagine there will be a long wait, but she has done bloods in the meantime. She said she will let me know the results as soon as she can as I told her how anxious I was. But like a few of yiu said, whether they are good or bad, it won't tell the full picture, it might just be an indication of whats going on.

We discussed next steps and I said I didn't really want to go down the road of therapy/counselling YET. I think I need to get more time behind me and a bit stronger before I open any cans of worms. She did ask me to make another appointment if I do relapse, to see if there may be other options, she didn't really go into them though. I forgot to ask about the night wakings.

That all sounds really positive @pinkclouds26 .

🌺

I'm yet to meet anyone with an alcohol problem who doesn't have trauma.

Alcohol tastes of sweaty socks. It's the numbing it brings that we seek.
Even champagne which I loved stinks on your breath.

Children know when we drink, particularly teenagers. Both mine can recount all the huge binges and dangerous scrapes. When the got older and bolder they used to throw my wine down the sink.
I think it really got to me when my son cried at his 21st as I was drunk. I'm ashamed of that.

Don't be me. I spent nearly twenty years drinking after my mother died. I wanted her to love me. She never said it.
The week before she died she said I was a lovely woman.

Good to hear from you, @pinkclouds26. It sounds as though the GP is being thorough, and I'm pleased you are getting scans. That way you will know if there is any damage and if so, you can start to reverse it. You'll probably find the wait for the scan is short.

Don't panic if the bloods come back out of range. In itself that isn't significant, but if you want to post them we can talk you through anything you don't understand. If you use the NHS app and view them on there, there should be hyperlinks to explanations of all the terms and what the results indicate.

I find that blood test results come back the day after they are taken, so again, if you use the app (or the GP version) you can see them as soon as they arrive at the surgery. If you have been drinking recently, there will probably be high scores for a few of the tests, but remember that that would be true if an occasional drinker had tests taken after a big night out, and they would go back to normal in a few days. The scan is the important thing, and there's a very good chance that it will show that there is no permanent damage.

@GunnelVallquist you really do have a lot on your plate and a lot of hard decisions about your family. One thing that might be helpful is to think that if your mother and sister were loving decent family to you, they would want the best for you and understand your limitations so would understand that being in a position of not drinking is the best thing you can do right now - even if it means not going home. it isn't just for your mental health it is for your physical health too. they may not be able to be so empathetic but you can still make decisions based on what ought to be everyone's priorities for you if that makes sense.

also if you do go and you do drink - well that is just one thing - one moment in your journey. It doesn't mean you have to keep drinking. You can think about what made you do it, how you felt, store the into away and rise again.

I agree completely about the trauma. I had a very happy (and non-alcoholic) childhood. And until recently would never have said even to myself that I had trauma as an adult. On the surface lovely dh, lovely kids, enough money, good friends, interesting job. But I did and I can see it and it was bloody hard to get through at the time. Then on top of that one of my children had severe mental health issues in teen years and honestly I am just grateful we all survived that - it was bloody hard too. Recently we had an event (hospitalisation of adult child) that triggered memories of that time and I had a lot of sympathy for old me who was juggling that, work, other children with needs, elderly parents, difficult siblings etc. I kind of understand why I knocked back that bottle of wine. it worked until it didn't (well it never worked but it numbed me).

Welcome @SwiftyFifty - I am glad you've found your way to us.

Glad things went a bit better than anticipated at the docs @pinkclouds26, that's good to hear.

@WendyWagon is right - there are very few of us who don't have trauma of some stamp etched on our souls. Plenty of drinking people don't, but they are generally the ones who aren't drinking in order to knock themselves out and wipe their minds. Certainly I am one of those people. It's not because I like the taste of the stuff. But here we are, daring to be different and trying to be better. Keep going.

You haven't come this far to only get this far.

Strength and courage. It's going to be alright. xx

Hey Sober Crew!

Still hanging in here... but I've realised my nervous system just got totally dysregulated this summer - tachycardia, dizziness, wobbly legs, exhaustion and pouring sweat at the slightest provocation or exertion - and needs a little help to remind it what is normal...

So I'm using a little (prescribed) propranolol each morning to suppress that reaction, because my body totally over-reacts to the normal morning rise in cortisol... and it makes such a difference not to go off like a frog in a sock! With a calm start, I don't seem to kick off so much the rest of the day. I can gather my thoughts better, plan, have loads more energy... It's amazing how a physical reaction can mess so much with your head...

Meanwhile, I was sure DH was going to fall off the wagon - he'd been talking about 'my August off' etc... But then he got a date for long-awaited surgery next month, so I know he'll stay dry until after it because his blood pressure has to be steady or they won't do it.

But he is so white-knuckling it... miserable, subdued, uncommunicative... almost like he's sulking that he was 'cheated' of breaking his quit... Determined not to enjoy life without booze or acknowledge the advantages... slouched on the sofa like an Easter Island Statue with an iPhone... 📱🗿

Which is why you can't tie your quit to anyone else's!

Or, indeed, to one's dysfunctional family - I hear you all there, sisters... learning to detach in a healthy way is a lifelong process...

Cheering you all on! 🥰

@WendyWagon 😭 🌺