The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Summer into Autumn 2026

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice, solidarity and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.

Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. We love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too. You're here because you are strong and want to pull free. However ashamed and wretched you are feeling right now, as you read this sentence, I can absolutely guarantee that someone here has felt exactly as you do now and knows what you are enduring. It can change. You are not shameful. You are strong and you CAN do this.

All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.

I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.

These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the ones I use, I Am Sober and TryDry. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Evenings are drawing in, the season of hot chocolate approaches. Power up with your favourite anthem (The ever-fabulous Dolly is reminding us "Better Get To Livin'"; and the Wilson Phillips girls "Hold On" in hot pursuit) and find your safe space here. Pull up a chair, and make yourself at home. It's going to be alright. x

Morning all.

Well I saw the bungalow and I can't do it. Plastic windows, plastic floors. I know it's good value for money but I'll be miserable and reading Homes and Antiques!
The DH liked it but he'll have rows of computers in the study and a bloody tred mill. I'll be stuck cooking.
I want my veg garden and chickens.
Retirement means still organizing everything and I'm going to press the 'gardening is good for mental health ' button. I love countdown but after two years of daily watching I'm done.
The bungalow was also situated in Codgers Corner.😁
I think it's the cottage I saw with the pink kitchen and beautiful garden. It's small but I can hide in the summer house. Mr Tiggle will be safe too.
We have to be out here the first week of November so I'm cracking in with eBay.

Welcome to newbies. Lots of support here.

Good morning Shipmates,

Welcome @Sloth2026 - I am very glad you have found us. Day 18 is fantastic. You're right that alcohol doesn't help in the long run. It's a depressant drug. I remember a Dr saying to me, back when I was seriously drinking "what's the point of me prescribing you anti-depressants; the amount you are drinking just cancels out their effects". He wasn't wrong. I bet you are fantastically good fun without the alcohol. Being boring is another lie the drink whispers to keep us from staying true.

Hang in there @GunnelVallquist - you will feel tired for a bit while your body mends itself. It won't always feel this sh~t.

I lost count of the number of times I've had to check social media and delete drunken late-night ramblings @ShyMaryEllen - awful. So nice to be free of that.

Sid and I go self-catering @Lavrander - it suits us better. But you should be able to go AI if you want to. There is much satisfaction in knowing that the drink is there but you haven't succumbed. It's a mighty victory and very, very satisfying.

I wouldn't might living in Codger's Corner @WendyWagon. A pink kitchen might be a step too far though.

Getting a bit autumnal here. The tell-tale little nip in the air and a few leaves tumbling down. Sid and I welcome it. We like this time of year.

Strength and courage brave friends. All shall be well. xx

Thank you @REP22 . And good morning to you and Sid! 😍

The bit about anti-depressants is so true and is exactly what my husband used to say to me.

I have been on and off various ADs since my early twenties (I’m currently not on any), but I don’t think I’ve ever really given them a chance to work properly.

It looks like a nice day here and I know I should go out and get some fresh air.

Unfortunately I associate going for a walk with picking up a bottle of wine from the shops.

Last Tuesday I went for a walk in the morning, picked up a bottle, fully intending to not open it before late afternoon.

Of course that didn’t happen and by noon I’d already had half a bottle.

Long story short; I went out again and bought another bottle which I also finished.

When my husband came home from work I was a hot mess, drunk and crying (while trying to make dinner).

It’s not fair on him and I hate myself for being so stupid all the time.

But even while typing this I think how lovely it would be to have just one or two glasses this afternoon.

I am not going to do it though. Because I’m not going out at the minute.

When I was doing my two ‘long term’ sober stints (as in eight and seven months) it didn’t bother me after a while to go to the shops.

I think I just need to get to that stage again.

Of course it’s also not helping that I am supposed to go home in less than three weeks and I’m worried about that.

I called my mother on Sunday to ask how my father is doing…he is on a ward now (was only in ICU for the first night) and is doing ok.

The call lasted about sixty seconds, ten seconds longer than last time. I haven’t seen my mother (and father) since 2015 and I am worried.

Part of me wants to not go. I am homesick but also petrified.

@GunnelVallquist could you go out but not take your purse or phone, just for a little walk? You can't be tempted then... You honestly, truly are NOT stupid. xx

Edited to add - can you ring the hospital ward directly for general updates on your dad, so that you don't have to speak with your mother? x

Thank you @REP22 .❤️

Unfortunately I like to take my phone with me so I can listen to music (and I have my bank card on there), but I get your point.

I can’t phone the hospital because my mother would see that as a snub and it would make things worse.

Going back is honestly causing me so much anxiety.

I don’t think it helps that my husband and I have never been able to put down roots due to moving around all the time.

What I mean is we have no social network here.

We’ve lived all over the place and so do the people we’ve encountered/ been friends with.

@GunnelVallquist - oh, that's hard. I'm so sorry. What would be the consequences if you didn't go? Would it make any difference in your mother's treatment of you, or would it just be another day of criticism and ongoing sadness that she still doesn't have any insight into her behaviour towards you? Because you are allowed to choose not to go, and limit your interactions to phone calls.

You deserve your peace of mind and shouldn't have to sacrifice your happiness and wellbeing for the sake of duty and persistence in trying to build a relationship where the other person has no intention of trying, ever. You can give yourself the permission to know that it's alright not to go. Your views, choices and happiness matter too. You can't set yourself on fire to keep another person warm (even, especially, a very cold person indeed). ❤️ x

@ShyMaryEllen I might take you up on that pm after seeing the gp thanks xx

Sorry just a quick reply as I am in work, thanks for the offer of the handhold too ❤️

I usually start looking to book the big summer holiday around now for next year but I am not sure whether to take it in a complete different direction to AI, I have never had a sober holiday as an adult bar one holiday park when pregnant if that counts lol

I have major regrets around my drinking and children, they were always cared for but like you @ShyMaryEllen you are not fully present, I spiralled a few times feeling guilt, I will always have that but its only use now is to keep me sober.

My pleasure, @pinkclouds26. I am open about my experiences but have become a bit wary about posting them, as it’s not just shipmates who read. Honestly, I think you’ll be fine tomorrow, but if anything needs to be reset, I’ll help as much as I can.

@pinkclouds26 I'm always available for a dm too. I'm not as up on the test readings as shy Mary but I'm a port in a storm.

@GunnelVallquist you poor sausage. I've been avoiding the corner shop too. However I didn't even think about it today.
I had a difficult childhood which I successfully blocked out for decades. My mother was bipolar I believe.
Not everyone ceases to think about the grog ( many do on here but it's not my story), its what we do with those thoughts. I reward myself these days, I've just had a corneto.
I'm also wearing a spritz of my wedding perfume so I'm going to hunt down a bottle this afternoon.

I have got to add myself here and now. I am getting worse at drinking wine now I live on my own and have nobody to answer to. Like most it started off at what I would call social drinking but now it is solo drinking most nights and not just a couple of glasses. Last night I got soaked going out for another bottle of wine, how stupid is that, and now can't even be bothered to do anything except watch YouTube.
Starting now this is the end of looking down a wine glass.

Hello @Carpediem15 - a very warm welcome from me and Sid. Glad you've found us. I live on my own (apart from Sid). I am no stranger to the YouTube experience. You start off watching informative and interesting vids - before you know it, it's 3am, Judy Judy is on autoplay and you're shouting at the screen... (or is that just me?). You are not stupid and it is not hopeless.

You're strong and you're a worthwhile human being. You're among friends here. We believe in you. xx

Welcome @Carpediem15 . Do you have a plan for what you’re going to do instead of drink wine tonight? Anything to get you through the initial cravings - now is the time to stock up on your weapons of choice (ice cream, AF alternatives, chocolate- whatever works for you)

I’m a bit glum at the moment so have just eaten a huge pack of fudge and poured the remains of DH’s bottle of wine down the sink (he’s gone away for a few days). I’m pretty good at resisting these days but there’s no need to make life harder than it need be!!

But best of all is knowing you didn't behave badly or say something stupid/inappropriate last night.

This is so so true.

Gunnel, when I started not drinking in January I decided it was going to be the most important priority for me no matter what. I realised my triggers were

1. hunger and thirst - so I never let myself get hungry, especially in late afternoon - hence weight gain!
2. Cooking dinner and doing laundry in the evening. So I stopped doing that. Made dinner in the morning or ordered in or got dh to sit with me in the kitchen while finishing it (before I'd be encouraging him out so I could secretly drink). didn't do laundry except in the morning (we have a laundry room with a fridge - you can imagine what laundry entailed for me back in the day)
3. Anything where I was on my own/lonely/sad. So I stopped doing things that bothered me - and I was a classic woman who was reared to do things for others. There was a time a few months in where it would have made sense for me to go visit MIL (in nursing home - I'm very close to her) rather than dh and stay for a week or so. I knew it would be depressing for me and a complete trigger to drink alone in her apartment for the entire week. So I said that to dh and he went.

It didn't take that long for those old habits to be forgotten. now I cook dinner without thinking about grabbing a slug of wine. now I change the clothes from washer to drier at 9 pm without thinking - have a drink while I'm here. It's just gone and new habits have arrived. It is an addiction but it is also a habit and you can change those.

So I guess I would say if it really matters to you then nothing is more important than not drinking - not your mother's reactions, not your walk - just stop going for a walk for a while. I know it is all easier said than done but prioritising myself was a huge part of my success this time around.

Also the thing you said about wouldn't it be lovely to have a couple of glasses of wine really resonated with me. I felt exactly the same always and if I told myself I couldn't then I would feel deprived - waves of grief actually and would really be just counting time till i could drink again. This time around I faced it that I didn't want a couple of glasses of wine - that would actually be stressful for me. I wanted a couple of bottles of wine - or all the wine. Once I articulated it like that it was easier to say no that ship has sailed and wasn't a good ship to start with.

wrt holidays I did two separate holidays this summer that were exactly the same as two holidays I did the previous year. One doing an activity with dh and other adults. The other a week with our adult children by the sea. This year not drinking was way way more enjoyable. The whole question of do I, how much, do I have enough, did I control myself, what did I say, why did I get into that argument was just gone and both times I had a lovely time with nice mocktails in the evening. way better than the year before.

Hello all…reading through the messages and all the kind words are making me cry.

I have managed to make it through the day without popping out and buying wine (the temptation was definitely there though, not going to lie).

Will reply properly later when I feel a bit more with it.

Thank you all ❤️

Hello - thanks for the welcome.
Not planned anything, no replacements for the wine, for me choc etc wouldn't help. I think I might do a bit of decluttering, will just have to wait and see what this evening brings but no alcohol in the house and not going out to buy any.

@anewyearthisyear thank you for your post. Very thought provoking.

@Carpediem15 I love doing a drawer. Just one mind. It's surprising what you find. I found my perfume.

I've been wearing my wedding perfume Estee ( it was discontinued now it's available again). I like it, it has strength as a posed to lime, mandarin and basil which is fleeting. I also like gorgeous by Michael Kors but that's very strong like Giorgio was back in the day. It's ok at a big cosmetic meeting but it's a bit 'Joany'.

Hello all.

I’ve had a good cry.

@REP22 ; I am seriously considering not going. Or at least not at this moment in time.
My relationship with my parents, especially my mother, has always been fraught.

I have had therapy over the years and one Psychologist actually said it sounds like my mother has narcissistic traits (but she did say it’s impossible to diagnose without seeing the person obviously).

I could write a whole book about everything that’s happened over the years.

If we were to go, I would definitely end up drinking again. I know I would. And I don’t want to anymore.

I was so close to going out and buying wine this afternoon and I’m so glad I didn’t.

Thank you @WendyWagon and I’m sorry you had a difficult childhood as well.

It affects you so much, doesn’t it? Even decades later.

Sounds like you’re doing well @anewyearthisyear .

I really wanted to go out and buy wine today and I was seriously contemplating it.

Now I’m glad I didn’t. Because while I messed up and had two mini bottles on Saturday, it would have been much worse today. Being on my own I mean. I would have had a whole bottle and then most probably popped out again.

@WendyWagon thank you so much I appreciate the support. I understand too that this is wide open to the general public and it can be very easy to put 2 and 2 together, so I absolutely understand people not overhearing anything too personal on the thread.

@GunnelVallquist you poor thing, thinking of you, every time we dont get the wine it does get a little bit easier even if we dont see it straight away, one day at a time xx

@Carpediem15 I am fairly new on my sober journey this time, it is very tough the first couple of days, but this place is so supportive and helpful, everyone is so friendly we are all routing for you xx

I am eating like crazy, I know from previous attempts it does settle eventually but omg I cannot stay full! I have gained about 5lbs, I think once I reach the month mark I will actively try to be more careful. I am allowing myself all the treats now!

Thank you @pinkclouds26 .

You should definitely eat whatever you fancy while trying to quit the booze, anything is better than drinking.

My appetite is all over the place at the minute.

I have done that so many times @Carpediem15 .

Going out for more wine I mean.

And then hated myself for it later.