The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Summer into Autumn 2026

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice, solidarity and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.

Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. We love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too. You're here because you are strong and want to pull free. However ashamed and wretched you are feeling right now, as you read this sentence, I can absolutely guarantee that someone here has felt exactly as you do now and knows what you are enduring. It can change. You are not shameful. You are strong and you CAN do this.

All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.

I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.

These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the ones I use, I Am Sober and TryDry. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Evenings are drawing in, the season of hot chocolate approaches. Power up with your favourite anthem (The ever-fabulous Dolly is reminding us "Better Get To Livin'"; and the Wilson Phillips girls "Hold On" in hot pursuit) and find your safe space here. Pull up a chair, and make yourself at home. It's going to be alright. x

Keep waffling if it helps you @GunnelVallquist. You are not alone. I‘m so sorry to hear you are having a tough time of it at and I hope you can be kind to yourself

Thank you so much @Conteffi .

If there’s one thing I’m really bad at, itybeing kind to myself.

If I had a pound for every time someone has said that to me…

Sometimes I think those of us who have struggled with poor mental heslth/ addiction etc are so much more in tune with things

Naybe I’m waffling again here, but I think it’s true that people who have been through difficult times are often kinder.

And in the interest of full disclosure and accountability (which is a major reason I joinex this thread) , I went out again and bought more wine

Yes, I’m that stupid

Oh, goodness yes, it used to feel as though I was in a kind of dystopian episode of 'This Is Your Life' where everyone I've ever wronged was brought out with a flourish to a soundtrack of what a shit I'd been.

That sounds somewhat like the pitch for a new TV show ...

I can relate to missing your late doggie. Ours died five years ago at the age of 14 - we'd had him since he was a pup - still barely a day goes by when my husband and I don't speak of him. He used to come everywhere with us, sometimes I still find myself glancing at the back seat of the car and expecting to see him there. He was really good in the car, we'd belt him in and he'd be asleep within minutes.

It's not the right time to get another dog, juggling responsibilities of aged parents as DH and I both are, and I very much feel he was a 'one off' and we couldn't fill the dog-shaped hole even with the same breed.

Here he is on the beach where he was always very happy. This was 2019, the last holiday we took him on before the pandemic; by the time we could go on holiday again, he'd crossed the rainbow bridge. Happily, he was active and healthy, albeit slowing down. until the last moment - he died in my husband's arms at home not long after coming back from his morning walk - he suddenly let out a yelp and collapsed - his little heart had just given up. 😪

You're not stupid, you are in the grip of an addiction. I know if I started again I would do exactly the same thing, however much I told myself I wouldn't, that I should stop, I would drink and drink until I started vomiting. I flatter myself that I am not stupid, but I lose all control of myself if I start drinking - it's that simple and I can't do anything to stop it.

I still get regular temptation. I went into M&S today to pick up a sandwich and they'd put a big Christmas display up by the entrance to the food hall including lots of crates of Malbec - I thought how amazing a Malbec would taste, I was always a red wine drinker unless it was Cava and remembered how I used to stock up with loads of wine to see me through Christmas and New Year and then I would invariably have to restock before New Year's Eve ...

I am an addict and I will always be, sadly.

Oh he is absolutely gorgeous @PhantomOfAllKnowledge .

I’m back to my eternal gripe which is ‘Why don’t pets live as long as people?’

but yes to the dystopian quiz show.

Why an I thinking back to interactions I had over twenty years ago? Just why??

@anewyearthisyear - from someone who lost one of their beloved and adored dogs last year, and who has the remaining 13 year old one snoozing beside me, I hear you and feel that feeling with you. They are family, simple. I hope the vet call went as well as a call like that can ❤️.

Hello @GunnelVallquist. I hope you are okay. I really do. I’m a firm believer in it having to be Your Time. Right now perhaps you aren’t ready, but it WILL be Your Time, and you’ll know and all the bricks of resilience you’ve built in your previous attempts will help then. Promise.

I’ve had a bit of a tough day here for various reasons. DH has a lot of cognitive issues post stroke and they were very apparent today, which can be hard to manage. Then the eldest dc had their car break down - no real biggie - but just a layer of complexity when I’m stuck at home a lot. It didn’t once occur to me to drink, which is such a radical change - I’d have used both as a reason to have a glass of wine months ago.

One front in front of the other lovely people xx

@GunnelVallquist it feels like sometimes our brains are our own worst enemies. You say the people who have been through the worst are the kindest- I think this thread proves that. A community of women who have seen hell yet find the time to lift each other up. We are all here rooting for you.

Unfortunately I have no cute dog pictures for you. I am 100% a cat person. My beloved cat was run over at only 8 years old and I still cry for him. We now have three gorgeous cats that I adore, but my heart still aches for my first kitty. Animals seem to know when you are hurting and are there to support you with no judgement. Humans could learn a lot from them.

@needastrongone that sounds like a tough day. And not reacting in the usual way is a win to celebrate!!

I will not drink today

Morning all.

I feel so ill…I spent half the night throwing up.

I am so stupid.

So angry with myself.

Oh God this resonates with me @PhantomOfAllKnowledge

…remembered how I used to stock up with loads of wine to see me through Christmas and New Year and then I would invariably have to restock before New Year's Eve ...

I don’t want to do this anymore. As soon as I have that first glass all reason goes out the window.

It’s not just that I can’t leave half of the bottle for another day, no, I go out and buy a second one.

I’m going to take a picture of myself…I look like death warmed up. Maybe looking at that and remembering how ill I felt will help when the cravings hit.

Sorry to hear you had a bad day @needastrongone . 🌺

But how great that your mind doesn’t go to alcohol. That’s what I want. To be able to deal with life without needing a drink.

Sorry to hear about your cat @Conteffi .

Pets are family and I don’t think people who never had a pet can understand quite how much they mean to us.

Are your cats boys or girls?

That is the key for me @GunnelVallquist when cravings hit - remembering my worst hangovers and how terrible I felt - not just physically, but the shame and anguish, the sense of waste at writing off a day. I never want to endure that again.

I'm sorry you are feeling awful this morning - do what you can to shake it off, but as you say, hold onto the memory of how you feel right now and replay it in technicolour the next time the wine beckons.

If you are up to getting out of the house, do it - I always felt better if I could get away from 'the scene of the crime' and fresh air/exercise will help. For some reason, ginger always used to make me feel a bit better - if you can get hold of anything with ginger in it, e.g' ginger and lemon tea, it might perk you up a bit.

I did used to drink an awful lot at Christmas. I was never normally a daytime drinker but at Christmas I would start at lunchtime and go on till I went to bed.

I also remember one Christmas Eve - my parents were visiting - I ended up staying up till 3am getting pissed and then having to get up and cook a Christmas dinner the next morning. It should have been a lovely day but I spoiled it for myself with a bad hangover, and now there will be no more Christmas days with my mum because she's in full time care and no longer capable of knowing what Christmas is.

I'm a cat and dog person! I currently have two lovely cats. My late doggie was good with cats - the two cats I had when I got him very quickly put him in his place 😆He used to like sniffing them when they'd had a poo 😬

Morning all.

Tis a dark day today. My buyer let me down yesterday and has misled everyone. It looks like she's done absolutely nothing regarding paperwork. Nine sodding weeks when I could have put it back on the market. I'm crying this morning.

@Conteffi we would absolutely love some cat pictures!

@WendyWagon that’s shit. I’m so sorry. I hope karma gets her.

We went out for dinner last night and I drove. DH was more accepting of me not drinking. He did ask if this was it now, I’m not drinking ever, and I said I don’t know, at the moment I’m not and we’ll see. I’ll just keep saying that until the penny drops 🙃

Oh @WendyWagon - she didn't deserve your house, for sure. Get it back on the market ASAP. Hopefully there might be other interested parties who missed out and will jump at it. That happened with a house I made an offer on - it went off the market when another offer was accepted and went back on when the sale fell through. We offered again, of course, but they were swamped with offers - we didn't get it.

Morning everyone.

It’s a still quiet day weather wise and I have had a trundle on the treadmill, in anticipation of a long run tomorrow. We’ve friends over tonight, but I did a lot of prep already and most stuff is done. They are not big drinkers and wouldn’t even question even if I was drinking or not as they wouldn’t notice.

That’s an absolute pain re the sale @WendyWagon, it really shouldn’t be allowed. The conveyancing process in England is so terrible.

Thanks @Conteffi, I’m sure photos of any cute animal are appreciated here, cats included. I rather admire cats general disdain for their humans staff!

@LlamaFluff - having a reliable driver is a very useful advantage for most folk. Most people get used to a new normal soon enough, I hope your DH is one of these, I am sure he will be.

Morning @GunnelVallquist, I hope you are recovering slowly. Your time will come. We all need to find a reason to not reach for the bottle, and they are all individual ones. @PhantomOfAllKnowledge mentions holding onto how shit you feel this morning and that’s definitely a good one. I can only tell you mine - there were a few in truth. In no particular order - I had some blood work done and it showed me that the drinking was actually starting to have an impact on my body in real numbers - I’m very health conscious (oh the irony given my drinking) so that was good motivation. Really good. Myself and my DC have some significant caring responsibilities now, far more than I would ever want for them at their age. I refuse, absolutely refuse to give them more of the same by my own actions. Last, I can’t push away the things in my head that I was pushing away by drinking, I need to figure them out to accept and move on. Last, it helps me every time I want to pick up a drink to ask myself why - and there are often different reasons I’ve found. Sometimes it’s sheer boredom, sometimes it’s because I’m very stressed, sometimes it’s sort of a trigger like sitting outside a pub on a hot summer day (or whatever, that’s not a real example). And, for each one - I need to have a strategy, and that strategy isn’t the same. But eventually, you get good at knowing what weapons are in your arsenal to deal with that trigger. If you can find your Why, the one that matters most, and then you can gently build up resilience plans, it might give you the space you need. When it’s Your Time. Xx

Hi everyone,

Unfortunately the one day of drinking turned into 3 weeks.

Nothing awful happened, but I feel awful. My sleep has been massively affected, my mood is so low it is scary.

The fact that once I had a bottle it turned back to daily drinking instantly is so frightening but not unexpected, I knew what would happen and still chose to do it.

I am getting ready to give things a go again. I am taking it day by day but I don't want to feel how I do now anymore.

Hope everyone is good.

I’m so sorry to hear about your house issues @WendyWagon . That’s really shit 🌺

I still feel like crap @PhantomOfAllKnowledge , can’t face going out just now. I do have some ginger tea in the house, but I had a normal cup of tea with some toast a short while ago (couldn’t face my beloved coffee).
I’ve taken that selfie and I shall look at it every time the cravings strike.
Sorry about your mum. 🌺